bridesmaid help...

ronnijo02

Hello,

I have a cousin, who is more like a sister to me, who is a  lesbian and probably hasn't worn a dress since she was 2 yrs old, and I want her in my wedding party. I had originally asked her to be a bridesmaid, and she kind of laughed about it. But she came around and said that if I wanted her to get 'dolled up' and be a bridesmaid, she would do it for me. I want her to be standing with me and the other bridesmaids, but don't want her to feel uncomfortable in a dress. Is it appropriate to have her in a matching pants suit? Or are there other options?

Thank you!!

sarah0725

Yes, it's certainly appropriate to do whatever would make her comfortable. It is fine to have people in suits on the bride's side, and fine to have people in dresses on the groom's side.

baystateapple

I had a similiar issue -- the girl in question is close to both me and my FI, and we wanted her to be in the party, but I said that there was no way I could ask her to wear a dress.  FI's suggestion was to ask her to be a groomsman.  She's completely psyched and can't wait to wear a tuxedo for the wedding.  I realize that this doesn't work for everyone (and we've certainly been given the side-eye from both of our families), but hell, it makes her happy, and if she's happy, we're happy.

Annie_Warbucks

If she was agreeable to wearing a dress, than I would just have her wear that. Nobody LOVES wearing bridesmaid dresses, but people make sacrifices for the people they do love. 

If people were to  ask "why is so and so in a pantsuit if she's a bridesmaid?" what is your response? She doesn't like dresses?, which seems like an answer a 5 year old would give, not a grown adult. 

I feel like she would stand out more and raise lots of unnecessary questions than if she just wore a dress for 6 hours. 

jeannigirl

I would answer to anyone who asked if I has a MOH/BM who was wearing pants instead olf a dress that they felt more comfortable wearing pants and leave it at that. Its none of anyones business anyways.

gottahavashorti

Even if she is willing to wear a dress, she will probably be much more comfortable if she doesn't have to wear a dress and you'll be able to tell in the pictures.

Some options include:
- tuxedo
- suit with a blouse that coordinates with the BM dresses
- black, khaki or white dress slacks with a blouse or other dress shirt that coordinates with the BM dresses (the shirt could even be the top of a separates BM outfit)
- a nice pant suit (many MOB lines carry these, you may be able to find one in your colors)

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_masculine-lesbian-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4166bc9c-2f57-4ed3-a5f1-060aa6d9dfd2Post:90c22f4d-7044-4c69-ae3b-bcfedacc13c3">Re: bridesmaid help...</a>:
[QUOTE]  I feel like she would stand out more and raise lots of unnecessary questions than if she just wore a dress for 6 hours. 
Posted by Annie_Warbucks[/QUOTE]

As long as no one is asking these ignorant questions to Her,then it makes no difference if they ask. Its nobody's business why someone is wearing whatever they are wearing. If she does not ever wear dresses, and feels uncomfortable in one, then why would you ask her to. My friend wore a tux to prom and formal pantsuits to be MOH in her sister's 2 weddings, and she looked great. All of their family and certianlly all of their friends know her, and love her no matter what she is wearing.

Please let your friend stay comfortable in her own skin. Why would you make your friend uncomfortable if there is a reasonable alternative.

emilyinchile

PPs have given you some good options, I just wanted to say that it's refreshing to hear from someone who's putting a friend's feelings and personal beliefs first. She'll look great in whatever pants outfit you choose, far better than she would if she were uncomfortable in a dress.

MyNameIsNot

I went to a wedding a while ago where one of the girls on the bride's side wore a black pantsuit with a blouse that matched the BM's pale purple dresses.  She looked really great.  I also love the idea of a pantset that matches, especially if the dresses are a darker color. 

I have no idea why that girl wore pants.  I assumed she was more comfortable that way, but really, if I had been engaged, I probably never would have noticed.  Most of your guests don't really notice what the WP is wearing.  They are looking at you.

megk8oz

I think that if she normally doesn't wear a dress to even super-formal occasions, I wouldn't make her wear one.

There are plenty of great pants options out there for girls in BPs, depending on what she would be the most comfortable in.

There's tuxedos, there's also the option of a pantsuit that matches the BM dresses. Or a black pantsuit (Or pantsuit that matches whatever the GMs are wearing) with a shirt that matches the BM colors.

Another option, depending on her comfort level with "getting dolled up" that I've seen is taking a top from BM seperates (For those "mix 'n match" dresses) and then just pairing that with black and/or coordinating pants.

Also, this girl Aerin that hangs out on this board worked for Disneyland at one point, and I remember her once talking about these pants that they wore that were really flowy and gave the illusion of a full skirt. When I recently was in WDW for my HM, I actually made it a point to look for park attendants that were wearing them (I thought the idea was really neat so I wanted to see in person), and I swear, you really couldn't tell they wear pants unless you knew what you wear looking for.

Overall, I would just keep your cousin's comfort level and budget in mind, maybe just rattle off of list of options for her and just see what she can find on her own, so she doesn't feel pressured to find one specific (and possibly hard to find) thing. Or if she wants you to help, you guys can go shopping together. It sounds like you're really willing to make her happy, so kudos to you!

aerinpegadrak

My FMIL is wearing a pantsuit to our formal wedding.  It's absolutely an option.

Meg's referring to the costume from the Indiana Jones Adventure at Disneyland.  I'll try to dig up a picture.  They were referred to as culottes, though one of my friends insisted it was properly a divided skirt.  I thought it was a skirt for years, until I checked out my first pair from Costuming.  It really did look like a skirt, but when I was jumping over boxes or climbing in and out of boats through the window, it sure felt like pants.  I've never really seen a similar style available for purchase, but they'd be super easy to have made.

Blusieme

Actually I wasnt being sarcastic. I respect the OP's who I reply to. 

I'm irritated that i even have to defend my statement but here goes for the smart ass that made a comment. 

What I meant was if a BM doesnt feel comfortable in a dress it shouldnt matter if they are straight or lesbian. If the bride wants all dresses or is willing to bend and allow pantsuites, then it would be nice especially if all BM's had the option as individuals w/ a different sense of style and not b/c of their sexual preference. 

I had a co-worker who is gay and he told me he was tired of being "that GAY guy - who doesnt like donuts, or whatever". He wanted to just be "a guy...who doesnt like donuts". 

OP: best wishes to you and your wedding party.