Sister Rant. VERY long.

emilykathleen511

My older sisters make me so freakin' angry and hurt sometimes.

So I e-mail my sister A earlier this week seeing if we could get together on Friday if she is not busy. She said she is not sure b/c she might have plans with her friend Jen so she will let me know.

Fast forward to last night when she calls me and says, so K called me (our other sister) and she is wanting to go to a craft show and we were wondering if you would watch the boys while we go and then we can, um, like watch a movie or something when we get back.

Yeah, we'll go and have sisterly bonding time while you stay with the children, Emily. But it's okay, 'cause you really like kids and uh, we'll watch a movie or something later.

GAAAAAAAH! So I say, "It's nice that you and K make plans to go out all the time and then ask me to watch your kids."

A: "I KNEW you were going to react this way!"
Me: "Just sayin'"
A: "It's not just sayin'. You don't HAVE to. We can just bring the boys or go on Saturday."
Me: "Well, I'll think about it and call you tomorrow."
A: "Okay."

Then A texts me later and says to forget it and she wouldn't want me to feel used or anything, they'll just bring the boys or go Saturday.

Oh great, now there is no possible way that I can win. If I say how I feel I'm apparently just being a drama queen. If I don't watch the boys, I'll feel guilty. If I watch them, I'll be hurt (and don't get me wrong, I love my nephews, and I love hanging out with them, but for goodness sake I told A I wanted to see HER and then she makes plans with K and asks if I'll babysit). There is like no way to win with these two.

So, I just call and say that I'll watch the boys, but not too early b/c I work until 1am and I don't want to be dead to the world while watching a 3.5 year old and an 8 month old.

Then K comes and finds me (we work in the same building) and asks if I'll watch her daughter as well (who just happens to be very high maintenence and riles up her cousins (the nephews I would be watching) big time). She had other arrangements but it would be "easier" for her if daughter was at A's house. I put my foot down on this one and said that I get to see her daughters all the time and I hardly ever get to see my nephews, but they just freakin' take advantage all the time, but if I indicate this, then I'm apparently a drama queen. Then K asks me what time I want to go to A's house since I don't want to go "early." Well K someone manages to get me to agree to 10:00am.

Until she texts me and says "How about 9:30?"

I know what you are all going to say if you actually read this whole thing: that they are only taking advantage b/c I let them, and they only have control b/c I give it to them, and blah blah blah. I know. But they're my sisters, and sometimes the fight isn't worth the end result. So, I'll suck it up and have a great time with my nephews. I just really needed to get that out. Thanks ladies.

Oh, and I should definitely kick them out of my wedding party based on this, right?

banana468

Ha!

Well of course you can't kick them out of the wedding party based on this.

However I do think it's time to be honest with them regarding how you feel.  Don't be passive-aggressive.  Say, "It hurts me when I want to make plans and instead I'm requested to baby-sit."

swim1011

Lol @ the WP comment.  My advice?  Say no, and repeat until the message gets across.  I would be pretty hurt if I asked to hang out with sisters, then had them decide to hang out together while they get free babysitting.  It has nothing to do with caring about your nieces or nephews.  Tell them if they can't hang out, you'll make other plans, and can't possibly watch the kids.

2BMrsMcW

You wouldn't happen to be the middle child would you?

I can understand... by older sister and younger brother tag team me all the time. Well, they just make plans to hang out and "forget" to ask me to join.

tiffspff

Yup kick them all out of the wedding.  Oh and if your nieces/nephews are in it.. kick them out too.  :-)

Seriously though, are your parents nearby?  Or someone else who would love to watch the kids?  I know it's not your job to find babysitters for your sisters, but maybe if you make a suggestion, you can all go out?  Wait a couple of days, and try to talk to them about this again.  But you do need to talk to them. 

SarahPLiz

This is definitely something that you need to talk to them about, so they understand that it hurts you.

I am the middle child too, but my sisters live in other states and don't have kids. I miss them terribly, but this sort of situation is actually a silver lining to that cloud...

ffmaid

My sister used to do the same thing. How I got her to stop is I started making is clear that sometimes I was looking for Sister time. Sometimes I was looking for Aunt time and sometimes I was looking for family time.
In this case I would say that you would love to go to the craft show with A and K and for them to find a babysitter.
I would then at another time arrange an Aunt time where your sister can go out and have adult time and you will spoil your nephews.
By regularly putting all three of these different things (Family time -sister and nieces in my case but should work for nephews, Aunt time- you being awesome aunt with the kids alone, and sister time- just sisters. I have managed to take back my role as sister and friend and not just be favorite babysitter. Now of course I have relaxed this for emergency cases like when my BIL went into hospital ect.

emilyinchile

That sounds so upsetting - I can see why your feelings would be hurt. One would hope they'd realize how rude they're being, but clearly that hasn't really sunk in. Have you ever talked about it with them? I would try to have a conversation where you don't bring up the issue of watching the kids so they can't spin it as "I don't want to babysit" because it sounds like they're focusing on that. I'd just say "guys, I miss hanging out with you, and I'd like to do stuff with you as well." Good luck!

gottahavashorti

You should show up at the craft show with the kids, saying you figured you might was well because you had wanted to spend time with A.  Then hand off the kids if/when they get fussy.

Your sisters need to learn that you shouldn't be used for free babysitting at their beck and call.  Have you tried to establish guidelines for them - you offer to take care of the kids for free when you want aunt time, they schedule well ahead of time and pay yu if they want convenient baby sitting, etc?

zitiqueen

If you're going to continue to let them fvck you up the a$$ by not standing up for yourself, you lose the right to complain about them fvcking_you up the a$$.

jeannigirl

Emily they are taking advantage of you and that will contuine if you do not nip this in the bud. I totally understand that you are trying to not cause drama with your sisters and keep the peace. but to what extent?

You need to be direct and tell them that it bothered you when you asked for thier time to hang and then they turned around and asked you to babysit when they did something together. You do not mind babysitting your nephews or your niece. Doing that the way they did you is F-Uped.

I agree with pp that said to break it down in "sister time" Auntie time" If they cannot hear you and want to start up something they are the ones causing the drama. Then you may need to step back from them for awhile. GL to you.

banana468

Seriously Ziti?  I get what you're saying and agree with it...but please work on the wording.

jeannigirl

I agree with that one banana the wording was to much.

emilykathleen511

Funnily enough, I AM the middle child.  I have two older sisters and an older brother, and two younger sisters and a younger brother. These two are my older sisters.

Zitiqueen is actually right. Yeah. Strong words, but true ones.

I like the suggestion of trying to break it into sister time v. auntie time. I'll try to talk to A about it. It probably wouldn't sink in quite as well with K, but A is usually more reasonable (unless the two of them are together, than it's a whole 'nuther beast).

To their credit, when they were on the way back from the craft fair they asked if I wanted to go out and see a movie instead of just watching one at home, so we did that while A's husband watched the kids (he was on a business trip earlier, which is why he couldn't watch the kids all day). So anyways, yeah I know it's on me, I was just really frustrated.

hope1009

You should reallly tell them how you feel and be totally honest. You could also be like: Um don't you think i want to have fun, "grown-up fun. It was your sisters choice to have children, your not a free babysitter. Stand up for yourself honey, you got a lot on your shoulders. I like how the world family automatically means free babysitter. My sissy's try this all the time. Sorry Adult responsibilites = taking care of your own children or finding a babysitter....when i want to spend time with them, i mean that i want to spend time with my sister AND her babies, not just her babies.  I can do that at work and actually get paid for that.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-rant-very-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4310099e-1726-4177-a0e8-6862abcd015cPost:b179bc40-43a8-48ed-94e0-1345889c2575">Re: Sister Rant. VERY long.</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously Ziti?  I get what you're saying and agree with it...but please work on the wording.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I've <em>never</em> sugarcoated on these boards.

banana468

Ziti, I NEVER asked you to sugar coat.  I'm requesting that you just post in accordance with the rules that's all.