Can my fiance appoint my bridesmaids???

EllieEllis06

My fiance thinks he has the right to appoint my bridesmaids. His Best Man is his cousin & he thinks that if I don't choose his cousin's sister as a bridesmaid, she will be hurt. However, I know this isn't true, she is very sweet and would never be upset. She and I are not close and all, I have met her maybe 3 times, she lives in another state and is a few years younger than my friends. I'm sure she would never even expect to be a bridesmaid. If she & my FI were closer maybe I could understand, but that's not it. It especially bugs my FI that I might only have 3 BMs to his 4 w/o her, but I don't even know this girl! How can I tell him my BMs are my choice?

Licia&Wayne

Well your last sentence should do it! You are definitely right. Your bridesmaids are your choice. Just like you didn't get to name his groomsman, he has no right to name your bridesmaids.

It sounds like his intentions are in the right place, but you may just need to let him know you've picked the girls you're closest with to stand next to you and support you on your wedding day. Sometimes that means uneven sides, and that's completely okay.

It sounds like you'll be fine. Just let him know you won't hurt anyone's feelings by having the girls you've chosen, and there's simply no need to "even up" sides.

gottahavashorti

Uneven sides are fine.  Tell him that mixed gender sides are okay and he can ask her to be a groomswoman.

mbcdefg

Tell him to have her stand as HIS attendant. Problem solved.

megk8oz

If he really wants her standing up there because she's important to him, then she can stand on his side. I totally agree that "it's his wedding, too", but it's not like only you get to have attendants. Clearly, he does, too, so it's not like he's being denied equal treatment in this.

If this is really because he wants even sides, just explain to him that plenty of people have uneven sides (And mixed gender sides) nowadays and *gasp* all of their marriages are valid. When you look back at your wedding album in 10-20 years, you're going to be smiling over the people who mean so much to you being a part of your day, not whether or not the pictures looks symmetrical (And if in 10-20 years either of you are thinking about the symmetry, then you've got way bigger problems than whether or not the sides were even).

As long as you didn't dictate who got to stand on his side, he has no right to dictate who stands on yours.

zitiqueen

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-fiance-appoint-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:49ed0208-5af3-48bd-9789-7f67dd35e282Post:58c1b29f-27a3-46c7-9f98-18640403f39c">Can my fiance appoint my bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance thinks he has the right to appoint my bridesmaids. His Best Man is his cousin & he thinks that if I don't choose his cousin's sister as a bridesmaid, she will be hurt. However, I know this isn't true, she is very sweet and would never be upset. She and I are not close and all, I have met her maybe 3 times, she lives in another state and is a few years younger than my friends. I'm sure she would never even expect to be a bridesmaid. If she & my FI were closer maybe I could understand, but that's not it. It especially bugs my FI that I might only have 3 BMs to his 4 w/o her, but I don't even know this girl! <strong>How can I tell him my BMs are my choice?
</strong>Posted by EllieEllis06[/QUOTE]

If you don't have the ovaries to tell your FI that your BMs are your choice and only your choice, well, you've got bigger issues to worry about. Being married to a guy who tries to make all of your decisions for you is just the tip of the iceberg you're sailing towards.
</div>

MyNameIsNot

You don't appoint anything.  You ask people if they will do you the honor of being in your wedding party.  

Tell her that if he wants her so bad, she can be a groomswoman.  It would be ridiculous for you to ask someone you don't even know to stand up as one of your closest friends.  

trix1223

Well, no.  Your FI can't appoint your bridesmaids.  But neither can you.  It's not a political position that you appoint anyone to. 

And I sincerely hope that this is an abberation for your FI and that's he's not this controlling about everything.  Because if he is, you have much bigger problems than who's going to be in a WP.

stina93446

You are the only one who should be asking people to be on your side. He can ask whoever he wants, but only for his side.

LarissaAnn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-fiance-appoint-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:49ed0208-5af3-48bd-9789-7f67dd35e282Post:58c1b29f-27a3-46c7-9f98-18640403f39c">Can my fiance appoint my bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance thinks he has the right to appoint my bridesmaids. His Best Man is his cousin & he thinks that if I don't choose his cousin's sister as a bridesmaid, she will be hurt. However, I know this isn't true, she is very sweet and would never be upset. She and I are not close and all, I have met her maybe 3 times, she lives in another state and is a few years younger than my friends. I'm sure she would never even expect to be a bridesmaid. If she & my FI were closer maybe I could understand, but that's not it. It especially bugs my FI that I might only have 3 BMs to his 4 w/o her, but I don't even know this girl! How can I tell him my BMs are my choice?
Posted by EllieEllis06[/QUOTE]
Just tell him!  You're in the right here, and he needs to step back.  Honestly, if you're marrying him, you should be able to speak your mind to him.

CTGirl30

Ditto the other ladies - you don't "appoint" people - you ask them if they will do you the honor of being in your BP.   You ask your side and he asks his side. You do NOT need even numbers and it would be absolutely ridiculous to ask someone you barely know to stand on your side simply for the purpose of "evening" out the sides. Why is that so many guys seem to be overly concerned with symmetry?? I notice a lot of brides are posting about their FI's being the ones to get all worked up over uneven sides and wanting things to match.

And if your FI is that controlling in general (and this isn't out of character for him - a lot of people get confused or are misguided about how wedding-related things go and he might not know) then you have much bigger issues here to consider before you get married.

suz62984

Tell him that he can lose a GM if he is worried about even sides. Also if he wants this girl in his wedding than she can be on his side. He can't dictate your side any more than you get to dictate his. If my FI(which is super laid back...as am I) demanded that I have his girl cousin on my side I would say "fine, but I get to demand that you not have your guy cousin in the wedding. If you agree you must boot him for her. See how this WP dictating goes"

suz62984

PS - I was joking about booting people. Just so everyone knows.