BM/Groomsmen issue

missindia87

First, obviously you don't want to extend an invite to someone who is neither supportive of your relationship or likes your fiance'.

Well short story, my fiance's bff, nice guy at first but started talking about me behind my back and put my fiance' in a questionable situation. Now doesn't invite my fiance' over for their weekly guy's nights, which was great for him to "get away".

I feel this guy owes me an apology and I know my fiance' will want him to be a part of the wedding. Now I can turn one cheek and ignore it but this guy said some really mean things and whilte my fiance set him straight, he has yet to confront me and apologize. So I am perplexed to I let my fiance invite this guy and risk him being a raucus and a fake to my face or sit down with him and talk to him first. I want my fiance to have his longest friend present, but there were definitely lines crossed. Granted I'm not sure how my fiance feels about the situation...he's pretty good at putting things behind him....I'm guilty of holding on to things. Help!!!

Peledreamsofrain

There are a few major things wrong with this situation. Everything you've mentioned is your fiance's responsibility to handle. The fact that he is not handling it is troublesome.

missindia87

I agree with what you guys are saying.

It just causes me to twinge to think of having someone SO fake at our special day. I could think of so many honest and loving people I could give that invitation too on both our sides of our families.

Just overall irritating.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to Re:BM/Groomsmen issue:In Response to Re:BM/Groomsmen issue:There are a few major things wrong with this situation. Everything you've mentioned is your fiance's responsibility to handle. The fact that he ish not handling it is troublesome.Posted by PeledreamsofrainWhat is he not handling? nbsp;She said her FI set him straight. nbsp;FFS, you can't makenbsp;someone apologize. nbsp;Hopefully her FI decides that the guy shouldn't be in their WP but his side, his call. Posted by jcbsjr

He's not handling the fact that the guy is making up nasty things about his bride. And yes, you can demand apologies if the absence of them will cause your SO emotional harm. He can choose to not apologize and end the friendship, but it sounds like he's already done that. To invite him into the bridal party without resolving things and thus worsening the drama is not 'handling it'. Its burying your head in the sand and hoping everything resolves itself. It won't.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bmgroomsmen-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4a9dd575-3cdd-4743-ac5e-e750d4ba79d6Post:a47fe9a8-2683-4e48-a575-2866ac3ae8c6">Re:BM/Groomsmen issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:BM/Groomsmen issue:In Response to Re:BM/Groomsmen issue:There are a few major things wrong with this situation. Everything you've mentioned is your fiance's responsibility to handle. The fact that he ish not handling it is troublesome.Posted by PeledreamsofrainWhat is he not handling? nbsp;She said her FI set him straight. nbsp;FFS, you can't makenbsp;someone apologize. nbsp;Hopefully her FI decides that the guy shouldn't be in their WP but his side, his call. Posted by jcbsjr He's not handling the fact that the guy is making up nasty things about his bride. And yes, you can demand apologies if the absence of them will cause your SO emotional harm. He can choose to not apologize and end the friendship, but it sounds like he's already done that. To invite him into the bridal party without resolving things and thus worsening the drama is not 'handling it'. Its burying your head in the sand and hoping everything resolves itself. It won't.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Demanding apologies really do not  make the apology feel genuine.  I would rather not receive an apology then receive an ungenuine one because my SO demanded it.

You also cannot stop people from saying things.  Her FI talked with his friend and told him that what he was saying was not nice and to stop it.  Well unless he puts a gun to his friends head his friend still can say whatever he wants.  Now if this person continues to speak harshly of OP then I think her FI should end the friendship because apparently this person does not care enough about her FI to quit the negative behavior when asked.

mbcdefg

If this guy has obeyed your FI by stopping the smack talk about you, and if he is cordial to you from this point forward, them that's probably the best you're going to get. I would just try to move forward.

If he continues with the rude comments and your FI doesn't end the friendship, then your real problem is with your FI.

Frankly, though, I would have a VERY hard time marrying a guy who wanted to stay friends with someone who was so rude to me. Unless of course some of that Initial rudeness was also on your part, in which case your FI just can't win.

It's one thing if this guy was a diick to you out of absolutely nowhere, but if you've got an abrasive personality or provoked him in some way then you have to share in the blame and just accept that this current situation (no apology but you can be civil near each other) is the best you're ever going to get.

Don't talk about politics, religion, social issues, or sex with this guy. Don't tell jokes, don't debate anything, don't get into a discussion. Say hello and keep it to dry topics like the weather.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to Re:BM/Groomsmen issue:[QUOTE]If this guy has obeyed your FI by stopping the smack talk about you, and if he is cordial to you from this point forward, them that's probably the best you're going to get. I would just try to move forward. If he continues with the rude comments and your FI doesn't end the friendship, then your real problem is with your FI. Frankly, though, I would have a VERY hard time marrying a guy who wanted to stay friends with someone who was so rude to me. Unless of course some of that Initial rudeness was also on your part, in which case your FI just can't win. It's one thing if this guy was a diick to you out of absolutely nowhere, but if you've got an abrasive personality or provoked him in some way then you have to share in the blame and just accept that this current situation no apology but you can be civil near each other is the best you're ever going to get. Don't talk about politics, religion, social issues, or sex with this guy. Don't tell jokes, don't debate anything, don't get into a discussion. Say hello and keep it to dry topics like the weather. Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Exactly my feelings. My FI would be enraged at someone who did this to me.

Amber408

If someone disrespected me... that would be it. He would not be in OUR wedding. Its not HIS choice its the BOTH of yours choice. You are going to be married, you need to make choice together. Period.