MOH HELP!! PLus Bridesmaid is pregnant

Dominique1st

Well I am getting married on Nov 10, 2012 and I asked a close friend at the time to be my maid of honor, well now she been acting strange towards me and she been talking trash about my fiancee to her family and I so happened to saw er doing it and hears some stuff she said from her family member. I would like to take her completly out of the wedding. How do I unask her to be my maid of honor now? 

Also one of my bridesmaid wanted me to be in her wedding next year so the nice thing I could think of was invite her into mine. Well now she is pregnant and I also dont want to stress her out with buying stuff because she is pregnant with her second and she just had her first in Feb 2011 and she is planning her wedding also. What to do?

I am just having Bridal party trouble period. PLEASE I NEED ADVICE!!

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-plus-bridesmaid-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4bfd6c14-1946-4f53-b848-6559d08edcdcPost:a49b2ece-4e9e-4330-ade0-834d295a5d5b">MOH HELP!! PLus Bridesmaid is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I am getting married on Nov 10, 2012 and I asked a close friend at the time to be my maid of honor, well now she been acting strange towards me and she been talking trash about my fiancee to her family and I so happened to saw er doing it and hears some stuff she said from her family member. I would like to take her completly out of the wedding. How do I unask her to be my maid of honor now?  Also one of my bridesmaid wanted me to be in her wedding next year so the nice thing I could think of was invite her into mine. Well now she is pregnant and I also dont want to stress her out with buying stuff because she is pregnant with her second and she just had her first in Feb 2011 and she is planning her wedding also. What to do? I am just having Bridal party trouble period. PLEASE I NEED ADVICE!!
Posted by Dominique1st[/QUOTE]
MOH: You end the friendship.  Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result.  If you don't want to end the friendship, you don't kick her out of the wedding.
Bridesmaid:  You don't do anything.  If she decides that she can't be in your wedding, she will drop out of her own volition.  Treat her like an adult and let her decide.

Dominique1st

THANKS!

em01092

Ditto PP. As long as you're cool with ending the friendship and possibly looking like a zilla, kick her out. I would suggest talking about the gossip with her first and look at this as a friend issue, not a MOH issue. If, after attempting to save the friendship, you and the MOH make no progress, then at least you tried. 

quiggels219

Agree with everything above. Also, one of my bm got pregnant during the planning and I know my moh has been trying to so I ended up choosing bari jay as the designer and let them choose their style. There are about 10 styles that come in maternity for the pregnant bridesmaids (if you haven't chosen dresses yet and wanted something with maternity options).

rebarobert2012

This is a perfect example of why you shouldn't ask people to be in your wedding party so early.  Your wedding isn't until November 2012.  It probably would have been better to wait until closer to the date before asking people to be in your wedding party because relationships can and do change.

If you kick your MOH out of the wedding party, it will likely be a friendship ending move.  It will also make you look like a brideszilla, and people might judge you for it.  So only kick her out if you are completely ready to end the friendship.  I agree that at the very least, you should talk with her about the gossip before you kick her out of the wedding party and end the friendship.

kaitlyn&henry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-plus-bridesmaid-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4bfd6c14-1946-4f53-b848-6559d08edcdcPost:a49b2ece-4e9e-4330-ade0-834d295a5d5b">MOH HELP!! PLus Bridesmaid is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE] I am just having Bridal party trouble period. PLEASE I NEED ADVICE!!
Posted by Dominique1st[/QUOTE]
Your pregnant friend getting pregnant should cause no trouble besides possibly having to deal with dresses...many BM dresses have a style that can accomodate her. Your wedding is a while away to even worry about that. As far as worrying how shell handle being pregnant, planning her own wedding...etc. thats on her and let her decide if she can or cant handle it. 

saric83

Have you confronted your friend about what she said yet?  Maybe that would be the first step instead of just a sweeping, "don't be in my wedding" (although, I'm sure you wouldn't say it quite like that.)  Without knowing enough details, it's hard to make a judgement, but honestly, what I vent to my parents and family about is probably an extreme of what I really think, and it's a safe zone to vent where I would never expect it come back to my friend.  So maybe that's part of it?

As for the pregnant bridesmaid, just as you should do with all of them individually, have a private conversation with her about how much she is comfortable spending on a bridesmaid dress.  This will give her the perfect time to say she can't afford it, if that's the case.  But completely leave it up to her without directly asking her if she still wants to be in it since she might get the impression that you don't want her in it now that she's pregnant.   

RaptorSLH

Ditto PPs.  For the gossip, figure out if the friendship is salvageable first.

For the pregnant BM, ask her budget privately, same as you do for the others.  Or go a nontraditonal route for the dresses - for example, tell all your BMs that they can select their own little black dress.   She can then wear something from her closet, if it will fit, or she can shop for a bargain.  And remember bridesmaid is an honor for your closest friends, not an unpaid wedding coordinator or craftsperson.

Let her decide what she's able to do.  Maybe she'll bow out, but maybe all she'll require is a minor concession, like not wearing heels, a dress style that's generous around the stomach, or a place to sit if she gets tired during the ceremony. As long as you stay flexible, and open to what she tells you she's able to do, this part doesn't have to be stressful at all.