How to let down an "almost" bridesmaid

crazeecanadian

I don't know if I used the right terminology as the subject so sorry if it through you off. I have a good friend who I've known for about 5 years.  She is an incredibly loyal person but is incredibly over dramatic and attention seeking.  Recently her drama level has significantly increased and I pulled away, mostly because I wan't enjoying spending time with her and felt that our entire relationship was based on her drama.  When I got engaged last June she automatically assumed that she was going to be a BM even though I told her I wasn't making any decisions until a year out (we're getting married May 2013).  We haven't spoken in a couple of months, and I'm going to try and work things out with her.  But I don't think I want her as a BM.  Based on her track record it would only bring drama and I would like for my wedding to be as drama free as possible (if thats possible ),  any advice on how to handle this?  Should I still have her as a BM or how do I explain that I don't really want her in my WP?

OliveOilsMom

If she brings it up, just keep telling her your haven't made any decisions on the wedding party yet.  Then change the subject.  She will eventually realize she isn't a BM when you don't ask her.  Just don't talk wedding stuff with her. 

tldh

You are still more than a year out.  Tell her that you arent' making any decisions any time soon and then change the subject.

graysquirrel

Don't explain to her why she didn't make the cut-- doing so will never ever help the situation. She will either cause more drama over it and things could get really messy and loud, or she will take it nicely and then resent you more. It is best to just keep things light, avoid wedding talk, and keep giving her the same line over and over about  how you are so far out that you are not worrying about that stuff yet and havn't made any decisions.

Summer2011Bride

If you don't want to ask her, you shouldn't. I would not say anything to her. There's nothing worse than a phone call saying "hey, you're not in my wedding. OK?" That would be rude.

If SHE brings it up, just say you hope she can come as a guest (if you are inviting her) and that you had so many great people in your life, it was tough, but you couldn't ask everyone you wanted to (a little white lie in this case is OK). If you by chance have a small WP, you could also say that you really wanted to keep it small so you asked only family (if that's true).

AurorasEnvy

I agree with PPs.  You don't need to tell people that they aren't BMs, only when they are.  I had a friend in a very similar situation - I never "let her down" that she wasn't a BM, and she's figured it out by now.  Saying anything to "let her down" kind of implies that you are doing something wrong by not having her in the party, IMO - you don't need to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong.  If she's a true friend, she'll understand.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-let-down-an-almost-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4cd2d318-ac7a-4841-b7f9-e1a2a578c0d7Post:5137267c-c518-4d14-8ae4-4eca6fc0958c">Re: How to let down an "almost" bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Just don't ask her, don't talk wedding with her, and follow the excellent advice above about not trying to tell her why you didn't pick her.  There's no way to do that without having her feel she wasn't good enough.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Agreed

rebarobert2012

It's never a good idea to explain to someone why you did not ask her to be a bridesmaid.  I would not bring it up.  Keep wedding related talk to a minimum around her.

If she brings it up to you, just tell her that your wedding is still a ways out, and you and your fiance have not made decisions regarding the wedding party yet.