self invited- what do I do now?

stina93446

Okay, so Passover is tonight, but we're celebrating tomorrow. I invited a friend and her bf and I asked her over the phone. I then said "I may ask our mutual friend Christy" but I DID say might and "not sure" in the convo. I get an email today from my invited friend "did you ask Christy? Because I mentioned it to her a couple of days ago."

I said that since last talking to her, the table got full and we couldn't accomodate any more butts. 

She then sends me an email saying 

Well, maybe you can at least call her and let her know why she didn't get an invite because otherwise she's going to wonder, I think.  I'm sorry I mentioned it to her now, but I had thought that you were going to invite her and wanted to give her a heads up b/c I know how crazy her work schedule is.  

Am I crazy in thinking that I'm not the one who should be making this call? I never called Christy. This was all my friend's fault. Or should I call up Christy and give her the awkward call (it sounds so much like those "here's why you're NOT a bm" threads) saying I'm sorry for the mix up. I just don't think it's my fault I'm in this mess.

emilyinchile

This is your friend's job. I'd e-mail her back with something like "Do you mind letting Christy know? I haven't talked to her about it at all, and I think it's weirder if I call her up out of the blue to tell her that she's not invited than if you call following-up on your last conversation to let her know that there was a miscommunication." It sounds like your friend did this innocently, but the resulting problem is still her mess to clean up.

gottahavashorti

I think your friend needs to be the one to tell Christy, if she is planning to come despite not having heard from you.  You were clear that you weren't definitely inviting her and haven't mentioned it to Christy yourself, so it would be strange coming from you.

stina93446

I literally just cut and pasted what you wrote, Emily. I am so annoyed that she felt it was MY job to call up our mutual friend and say "hey, here's why you didn't make the cut...hi, I haven't talked to you in like 5 months."

emilyinchile

Yay, glad I could help! I get that this is going to be an awkward conversation for your invited friend, but it's one of those times when you just have to be a grown up and apologize for messing up.

stina93446

I have done it once. I asked a mutual friend once, "hey are you going to so and so's bday party?" Yeah, they weren't invited....ick. I felt horrible.

I know that she didn't mean anything by it, but still, it's MY party and therefore, I should have done the talking to newbies about it, not her. It was not an open party with unlimited plus ones or friends.right now, I am asking other people in the building if they have extra chairs because we are short right now.

suz62984

Stina... I did that once. A coworker and I had a good mutual friend. Apparently they had to cut down the guest list to their wedding at the last minute and dumb me said "hey you going to matt's wedding?" He had been cut..Awkward!

banana468

I agree with PPs.

Your friend opened her mouth and said something she shouldn't and now she's looking for you to act as her shovel to dig her out of the mess.

How would it go from your end?
 
"Hey, I heard that you might be thinking I'm going to invite you for dinner but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to."

stina93446

Oh crap, this is what she wrote back.

Ok -- although I still think it's better if you had called her.  At this point, if I was in Christy's shoes, I would want a call from the hostess not another guest.  Otherwise, I'm going to wonder if I was ever welcomed in the first place.

So this is what I wrote back....

The thing is....I'M not the one who told her.Yes, I talked about inviting her with you, but I did say "I might". I wasn't sure at that point. And I also said "if I remember"....I wanted to invite her, but it was all about space. 

I ended up calling and leaving a message inviting her.

But you have to know that I'M the one who looks like an asshole because you were asking me to call her and pretty much tell her "here's why you didn't make the cut...oh by the way, how are you, I haven't seen you in 6 months." See what I mean?

Problem is solved though. I'll see if she calls me back.

S

 And NOW.....get this, right after I wrote that, she sends me an email saying "I just called her and left a message." So effin hell, this poor friend of ours now has 2 messages on her phone, one saying "You're invited" and one saying "you're not invited." Crap!

Licia&Wayne

Oh muh gosh Stina. How you're keeping from smacking your friend, I will never know.

I think at this point, I would just claim a complete misunderstanding between you two and let Christy know she is welcome to come if she can, you just weren't sure if she would be able to because of her work schedule.

(and sure, it may be a white lie, but you could claim saying that you were saying that all along and that's why your other friend maybe thought she was/was not invited)

emilyinchile

Argh. I am shaking my head for you. In response to "I would wonder if I was ever welcome in the first place" - well, umm, she wasn't. That's why YOU, the hostess, never invited her. DUH. And then the crossed phone calls...I'm sorry. Hopefully this friend has learned her lesson!

stina93446

I know. She sent me another email apologizing for it and saying that if me and Christy wanted to stay in contact, we will do that on our own. She DID learn her lesson....I still feel like an azz though.

Licia&Wayne

meh, don't feel that way. This happened through no fault of your own. If any asshattery was going on, it was from your friend who unfortunately forgot that it is the hostess' job to invite guests.

Also, I just really wanted to use the word "asshattery" today. I'm so glad I got an opportunity.

stina93446

asshattery....yes, that's pretty good sound, rhymes with azz flattery!

blackfire5th

Ugh, I'm sorry Stina!  I did this to one of my friends once.  I was invited to one of those sextoy parties and invited her to come along.  Then I figured out that the girl who was hosting the party didn't like the girl I invited.  I at least took responsibility and called up the girl and informed her of MY mistake.