jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid?

lahlah84

So I have been engaged for about 5 months now, I'm planning my wedding from a different state and live far away from my family. So some of you probably know what I'm going through.I've asked my future sister-in-law to be one of my bridesmaids. Might I add we used to live with eachother and are close. Well we used to be close, its been a month and a half since she's stopped texting and talking to me.(This happened right after I got my wedding dress) Before that it was phone calls/texts every single day.(not about the wedding either) I really don't know whats going on,but I always feel like I can't talk about details about my wedding or even ask her a question about the wedding. Like I'm stepping on pins and needles. So I avoid it. I'm not asking her to suck up to me like she owes me something just because shes a bridesmaid,but it would be nice to know you have a bridesmaid,especially your future sister in law be happy for you and knows that she cares.Now during family get togethers its really awkward and I try to talk to her, I feel like shes being fake.I'm all of a sudden the last to know everything I really don't know what to say to her in this type of situatuion. Because this is not the first time we had a fall out and every single one of them has not gone well. It's always up and down. Please help, what should I do?

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jealous-future-sister-lawbridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4fac482a-7b87-4e4c-98dd-35a2a224e60ePost:22121a60-e317-4b9d-aaa3-fe21e80837c0">jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have been engaged for about 5 months now, I'm planning my wedding from a different state and live far away from my family. So some of you probably know what I'm going through.I've asked my future sister-in-law to be one of my bridesmaids. Might I add we used to live with eachother and are close. Well we used to be close, its been a month and a half since she's stopped texting and talking to me.(This happened right after I got my wedding dress) Before that it was phone calls/texts every single day.(not about the wedding either) <strong>I really don't know whats going on,but I always feel like I can't talk about details about my wedding or even ask her a question about the wedding. </strong>Like I'm stepping on pins and needles. So I avoid it. I'm not asking her to suck up to me like she owes me something just because shes a bridesmaid,but it would be nice to know you have a bridesmaid,especially your future sister in law be happy for you and knows that she cares.Now during family get togethers its really awkward and I try to talk to her, I feel like shes being fake.<strong>I'm all of a sudden the last to know everything I really don't know what to say to her in this type of situatuion.</strong> Because this is not the first time we had a fall out and every single one of them has not gone well. It's always up and down. Please help, what should I do?
Posted by lahlah84[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How many details/questions are you asking her?  It could be getting overwhelming.  FI has 3 sisters, 1 of which is in the bridal party... guess how much they know about the wedding?  The date, and where it is... that's it (maybe a few other details).  I don't feel the need to constantly discuss it with them because they are my FSILs... they have lives too.</div><div>
</div><div>You are last to know what?</div><div>
</div><div>Also, you picked someone you have had constant falling-outs with.  This poses a great deal of difficulty.  I would stop the wedding talk, and go out to lunch or go out for drinks and ask her about HER life, what's going on with HER work, etc.  Take the time to reconnect, you might just find out this is getting blown out of proportion for no reason.  GL!

</div>

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jealous-future-sister-lawbridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4fac482a-7b87-4e4c-98dd-35a2a224e60ePost:f15bda68-9125-4487-acbf-782351dc5ffb">Re: jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid? : How many details/questions are you asking her?  It could be getting overwhelming.  FI has 3 sisters, 1 of which is in the bridal party... guess how much they know about the wedding?  The date, and where it is... that's it (maybe a few other details).  I don't feel the need to constantly discuss it with them because they are my FSILs... they have lives too. You are last to know what? Also, you picked someone you have had constant falling-outs with.  This poses a great deal of difficulty.  I would stop the wedding talk, and <strong><u>go out to lunch or go out for drinks and ask her about HER life, what's going on with HER work, etc.  Take the time to reconnect</u></strong>, you might just find out this is getting blown out of proportion for no reason.  GL!
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]


THIS  :)

lahlah84

The thing is I'm not asking her ANYTHING. I do NOT talk about my wedding at all. The only thing I asked her to do is pick her bridesmaid dress out and she was extremely happy with that. Yes, I understand we had constant falling outs with, but she is my future sister in law and when things are going good with us our relationship is GREAT and you would never know we had issues in the past. We are extremely close. Second of all I do text and call her and ask HER to do stuff ALL the time like go to dinner,drinks,shopping etc. In fact I invited her last week to join me to see a Christmas concert and dinner/drinks afterwards. ALWAYS talking about HER life,work,relationships and everything else. You know why I ask her about her life? because I care and I'm always there for her when she needs me to be. That is why i am finding this situation I am in really awkward.

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jealous-future-sister-lawbridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4fac482a-7b87-4e4c-98dd-35a2a224e60ePost:4b6d40a9-1a3d-4968-a1a7-1163008b7b1a">Re: jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is I'm not asking her ANYTHING. <strong>I do NOT talk about my wedding at all.</strong> The only thing I asked her to do is pick her bridesmaid dress out and she was extremely happy with that. Yes, I understand we had constant falling outs with, but she is my future sister in law and when things are going good with us our relationship is GREAT and you would never know we had issues in the past. We are extremely close. Second of all I do text and call her and ask HER to do stuff ALL the time like go to dinner,drinks,shopping etc. In fact I invited her last week to join me to see a Christmas concert and dinner/drinks afterwards. ALWAYS talking about HER life,work,relationships and everything else. You know why I ask her about her life? because I care and I'm always there for her when she needs me to be. That is why i am finding this situation I am in really awkward.
Posted by lahlah84[/QUOTE]

<div>From your original post saying that you can't talk about wedding things with her gave me the impression that you did talk to her about wedding stuff.  Did she accept your invitation for dinner/drinks?  That would be a great opportunity to talk about how you are feeling.  I also agree with PP how did you get over the fall-outs in the past?  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, just because she is going to be your FSIL and you once were close, etc. etc. doesn't mean she has to be in the wedding.  I know none of my FSILs expected to be in the wedding.  </div>

MyNameIsNot

Why do women automatically assume that if a friend is mad at her that the friend is jealous?

She hasn't done anything to make her appear jealous.  Instead, it appears that she's upset with you about something and doesn't know how to communicate it to you.  Perhaps your belief that she has a reason to be jealous is showing.

graysquirrel

If it were me I would wait a few weeks and then try to contact her again. If she continues to blow you off, I would be very honest and tell her that you feel like there might be something wrong, that you really miss spending time with her and that you would like to get together to just talk about things and keep your friendship strong. If she doesn't respond to that, then it is her problem and she will need to work on her own issues for a while.

lahlah84

Thanks! will do that I appreciate your advice!

LovelyLauren21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jealous-future-sister-lawbridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4fac482a-7b87-4e4c-98dd-35a2a224e60ePost:4b6d40a9-1a3d-4968-a1a7-1163008b7b1a">Re: jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is I'm not asking her ANYTHING. I do NOT talk about my wedding at all. The only thing I asked her to do is pick her bridesmaid dress out and she was extremely happy with that. Yes, I understand we had constant falling outs with, but she is my future sister in law and when things are going good with us our relationship is GREAT and you would never know we had issues in the past. We are extremely close. Second of all I do text and call her and ask HER to do stuff ALL the time like go to dinner,drinks,shopping etc. In fact I invited her last week to join me to see a Christmas concert and dinner/drinks afterwards. ALWAYS talking about HER life,work,relationships and everything else. You know why I ask her about her life? because I care and I'm always there for her when she needs me to be. That is why i am finding this situation I am in really awkward.
Posted by lahlah84[/QUOTE]


I have a friend that is exactly like your future sister in law (i mean it sounds to me like she is just like her). She's not interested in my life at all, but we've been friends for so long it's kind of like to the point where we can't just get out of each other's lives. She will go weeks not talking to me, then all of a sudden call and want to talk about her latest man-drama or how terrible her job is, etc. Other friends notice it too, sometimes people change and no matter how bad you want them to go back to the way they were - they're probably not going to. Perhaps you two need to start over, but if she's not accepting the invite you just have to let her be the one that won't get over whatever the issue was.

wow. did i totally hop all over the place or what?

lahlah84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jealous-future-sister-lawbridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4fac482a-7b87-4e4c-98dd-35a2a224e60ePost:d2b5bd27-acc9-4bc6-adb3-b41789369211">Re: jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: jealous future sister-in-law/bridesmaid? : I have a friend that is exactly like your future sister in law (i mean it sounds to me like she is just like her). <strong>She's not interested in my life at all, but we've been friends for so long it's kind of like to the point where we can't just get out of each other's lives. She will go weeks not talking to me, then all of a sudden call and want to talk about her latest man-drama or how terrible her job is, etc</strong>. <strong>Other friends notice it too</strong>, sometimes people change and no matter how bad you want them to go back to the way they were - they're probably not going to. Perhaps you two need to start over, but if she's not accepting the invite you just have to let her be the one that won't get over whatever the issue was. wow. did i totally hop all over the place or what?
Posted by LovelyLauren21[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>Omg glad I'm not the only one who has this issue. Glad you can relate.Thanks for posting this! 

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