S/O Upgrading your ring

emilyinchile

This is a spin-off of the WPBP since I answered the "would you change anything about your ring" question by saying we've considered upgrading it to something bigger at some point in the future.

Would you? Do you have plans to? I see both sides - on the one hand, more/bigger sparkles is never a bad thing, but on the other hand, any future ring would just be a ring, not my engagement ring. Discuss.

waltzingmatilda13

I wouldn't upgrade mine. I love it too much and I think it's plenty big.

I wouldn't judge someone though who wanted to upgrade it, as long as they aren't complaining about the size when they know it was all their FI/DH could afford. I think upgrades need to be decided on and paid for as a couple.

My mom has a very small diamond ring that was all my father could afford way back when. He has offered before to upgrade it to something bigger, but my mom refuses. She loves the sentiment behind it and wants to keep it just the way it is. My dad has bought her other jewelry instead since they've been a little more comfortable with their income.

banana468

I wouldn't want to upgrade it.  I love it and it's my engagement ring.  I won't turn down jewelry but I don't want to change something that has such personal signficance.  The same goes for my wedding band.  It was blessed at our wedding and it's the ring that DH put on my finger when we said our vows.  I don't want to alter that at all.

emilyinchile

Matilda, I agree with everything you said. I think it would be really sad if someone just ditched the ring her H gave her because she wanted something bigger. I know a couple friends' parents who've upgraded, and in both cases it's been a joint decision as they've become wealthier through the years.

Right now I think my ring's a great size, but I can see just generally wearing bigger jewelry as I get older, and in that case maybe a bigger ring would go along with that. But like I said, I also can see myself not wanting to lose the sentimental significance of this specific ring.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upgrading-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:50eaa43d-c961-4d4a-b530-b2ec4138778dPost:ef719cd4-94b1-4d5a-96db-f6ac160e89b7">S/O Upgrading your ring</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a spin-off of the WPBP since I answered the "would you change anything about your ring" question by saying we've considered upgrading it to something bigger at some point in the future. Would you? Do you have plans to? I see both sides - on the one hand, more/bigger sparkles is never a bad thing, but on the other hand, <strong>any future ring would just be a ring, not my engagement ring.</strong> Discuss.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
That's pretty much my take on it.  I'm personally not much a jewelry person anyway; if we're talking major anniversary presents, I'd rather get an upgrade to my kitchen, my computer, or my car.  Much better value for the money.  I'm pragmatic to a fault, though.

megk8oz

Truth? If we ever had the money to upgrade my ring, I'd much rather we take a really kick-ass vacation instead. The ring on my finger, while some may think "tiny" (I think it's "perfect for me"), is the ring he got on one knee with, KWIM?

We have talked about years down the road possibly getting me a fancy claddaugh ring, since most of the women in my family have a really nice one (And I actually had briefly considered the idea of one for my e-ring in the first place). But that wouldn't count as any kind of "upgrade".

lalap69

I love my ring exactly as it is, so I can't imagine ever wanting to change anything about it. 

But if the size really bothers you, I don't think you're really changing the ring that much if you're keeping the exact same setting and just changing the diamond (or other gemstone).

megk8oz

After having to replace a good chunk of the floor, the dishwasher and DH's car barely a month ago ... I must say, I can agree on the home upgrades. If we had "upgrade money" right now, I know we'd both prefer completely remodeling our tiny bathroom with it, or getting a new washer and dryer or something.

But ... if it was money that was strictly for spending something "non-practical", I'd still want a nice vacation instead. Vacations are nice.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upgrading-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:50eaa43d-c961-4d4a-b530-b2ec4138778dPost:5be53d09-a261-44cb-8be8-09cb95b3666e">Re: S/O Upgrading your ring</a>:
[QUOTE]I love my ring exactly as it is, so I can't imagine ever wanting to change anything about it.  <strong>But if the size really bothers you</strong>, I don't think you're really changing the ring that much if you're keeping the exact same setting and just changing the diamond (or other gemstone).
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

I don't know if this was just a general comment, in which case ignore me, but the size doesn't bother me at all. I like it.

Definitely agree with the money though. I mean, if we get to the point where spending $10k on a new ring just seems like a nice anniversary present then I will NOT be complaining, but it's kind of hard to imagine right now the time when we wouldn't feel like that money could be better used on something else.

lalap69

Oops, sorry, Emily.  That was definitely a general you.

megk8oz

I don't judge other people for upgrading, if they have the means to, and both members of the couple make the decision ... it's just not something I really can see myself ever doing. Mainly for the reasons I've stated before: I could always find either a "better" or "more fun" use of that kind of money.

That being said, if we get to a point where getting me a $10,000 ring for an anniversary gift is just a drop in the bucket for us, I'm thinking that I'll have all the home upgrades and sweet vacations I could ever want, anyway. I guess at that point, why not?

sister2groom

I don't judge couples who mutually decide to and want to upgrade because they're wealthier, and there definitely are more sentimental reasons to upgrade too, like on a big anniversary. I think upgrading when your child is getting engaged so you can pass on your first ring would be very sweet. My mom "upgraded" her ring a few years after she got married. The setting for the diamond was loose and it fell off, so my parents tore the apartment apart. They were so excited when they found it that my dad had two rubies, my mom's second favorite gem, put on either side of the diamond.

aerinpegadrak

See, because we're independent filmmakers and have a bunch of other different business ambitions, there will never not be a practical use for that money.  I was trying on a gorgeous alexandrite ring at the estate shop that used to be at Disneyland, just for shiits and giggles since it cost $19K.  When I half-joked about buying it someday when we could afford it, DH's response was, "Yeah, or we could use that money to pay a grip."  Exact words, I swear.  He's been playing the lottery lately and we talked fairly seriously about what we would do with our winnings, and it was pretty much "get ourselves and all of our family members out of debt, then bank the rest."  We're boring like that.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upgrading-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:50eaa43d-c961-4d4a-b530-b2ec4138778dPost:048ba644-1d6f-4801-9272-3dad2378185d">Re: S/O Upgrading your ring</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't judge couples who mutually decide to and want to upgrade because they're wealthier, and there definitely are more sentimental reasons to upgrade too, like on a big anniversary. I think upgrading when your child is getting engaged so you can pass on your first ring would be very sweet. My mom "upgraded" her ring a few years after she got married. <strong>The setting for the diamond was loose and it fell off, so my parents tore the apartment apart. They were so excited when they found it that my dad had two rubies, my mom's second favorite gem, put on either side of the diamond.</strong>
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

That sounds really pretty! And I great way to upgrade without losing out on the original diamond and the sentiment that came with it.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upgrading-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:50eaa43d-c961-4d4a-b530-b2ec4138778dPost:4d467a8a-10f9-450d-8d64-0008d4cf4e23">Re: S/O Upgrading your ring</a>:
[QUOTE]Oops, sorry, Emily.  That was definitely a general you. :)
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

No worries :) I just wanted to make it clear that this post wasn't coming across as "My e-ring is so tiny and horrible, and I want to change it someday, but of course I totally love it anyway" because that's not the case.

I could also see using my current ring and adding a smaller diamond on each side to make it a 3-stone ring rather than a solitaire if we decided to make it bigger and wanted to keep this ring.

trix1223

I have the 1/2 carat ring that my DH gave me 33 years ago.  I wouldn't trade it for the world, because that's the ring he chose and that was within his (our) budget.  I
 
just have a hard time understanding "upgrading" the ring that was received after the words "I love you.  Will you marry me?"  IMO, once you upgrade the ring, it's no longer your engagement ring.  it's a beautiful, sparkly piece of jewelry, which is lovely, but it's not THE ring anymore.

bablingbrooke

Wouldn't trade my 3/4 carat ring for the world.  DH picked out the ring I would have picked out for myself (size, cut, and setting--I'm not a bling kind of gal so this is the biggest I would want to go) so even if it was lost or stolen, I think I'd pick out the same thing again.

DavidandAmyClark

My FI picked out my ring, and I felt like Manwa-- at first it was not what I would have picked for myself, but the more I wear it the more I love it because the FI picked it out and suprised me with a proposal.  I love the ring because it is more than just any old ring.

We went shopping for wedding bands yesterday and trying on other rings really reinforced my love for the E-ring. I actually put a gorgeous ring on layaway  (fully refundable, score!).  My FI commented on how funky and unique my wedding band is.  I wanted to make the set more "me" by picking a wedding band that is really "me." 

Also, a teacher at my school just got an upgrade from the hubs.  Its nice, and she likes it.  So good for them.  The used her old diamonds from her e-ring so that's a nice touch too. 

But, my mom no longer wears the ring my dad got her. (They are still married.)  She wears an heirloom ring from grandma which, in my opinion is way more awesome. But I asked her if her wedding ring had much more substance over style because Dad gave it to her, she just kind shrugged. This made me sad.

amber2123

My ring is Sugar's mom's original ring...so what I'm planing on doing is when Jamie gets married, he can have the set to give to his wife.  Then I'm going to get an "upgraded" set.

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upgrading-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:50eaa43d-c961-4d4a-b530-b2ec4138778dPost:f03f61e4-0e0c-46c1-bf20-02aeac2d5ca9">Re: S/O Upgrading your ring</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the 1/2 carat ring that my DH gave me 33 years ago.  I wouldn't trade it for the world, because that's the ring he chose and that was within his (our) budget.  I   just have a hard time understanding "upgrading" the ring that was received after the words "I love you.  Will you marry me?"  IMO, once you upgrade the ring, it's no longer your engagement ring.  it's a beautiful, sparkly piece of jewelry, which is lovely, but it's not THE ring anymore.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
I have the same opinion.  Mine's 6 points and I love it.  It's the ring he was holding when he got down on one knee and proposed, and any other ring wouldn't be an engagement ring... just a ring.<div>
</div><div>When my parents decided to get married, they had literally nothing.  My father, who's  tool & die maker, cut the end off a brass pipe and proposed with it.  My mother still has that in her jewelry box.  She still has her original plain gold wedding band too.</div><div>
</div><div>Since then, my parents have become more wealthy and my mom now has two big diamond rings that dad had custom made for her, a diamond necklace, diamond earrings, bracelets with diamonds, sapphires and rubies... and she still has her original brass ring and the original wedding band in her jewelry box.  Her current rings aren't upgrades of that original jewelry.  They're just additional jewelry.</div>

mbcdefg

No, I wouldn't. I'm happy with mine, and I'd rather put that money toward something useful or someting we could both enjoy (vacation, buying a home/home repairs, fancy dinner and a show and a fancy hotel room, etc.).

I see it as a waste of money.

Kate504

My Mom's ring got stolen a LONG time ago so she has a new one now and didn't have one for a long time because they couldn't afford a replacement.

I wouldn't want a replacement. I could see maybe getting a second band, matching to look like a wrap when a milestone was met, like a baby or a certain anniversary, 5-10 years down the road.

bobkat4ever

So what if your fiance totally admitted to not having a clue what I liked as far as the engagement so he picked something he thought looked decent and said I could upgrade (the store had that option) if I want? Mine is a 3 stone and I've always wanted a solitaire. It seems like everyone on here has at least a half carat diamond solitaire which is pretty decent. The one I have is very small and although its not the size that counts I just don't like the style and we haven't found a wedding band that matches it either (the store didn't have anything that matched it)

I totally seem shallow I know. To be honest I could go without a ring but if I'm going to wear something everyday I have to love it right? Is there anyone on this post that wants to get something different? Or am I just really picky? Try to be nice please

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upgrading-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:50eaa43d-c961-4d4a-b530-b2ec4138778dPost:05e58e81-557b-4ecc-b43b-f557d2735616">Re: S/O Upgrading your ring</a>:
[QUOTE]So what if your fiance totally admitted to not having a clue what I liked as far as the engagement so he picked something he thought looked decent and said I could upgrade (the store had that option) if I want? Mine is a 3 stone and I've always wanted a solitaire. <strong>It seems like everyone on here has at least a half carat diamond solitaire which is pretty decent</strong>. The one I have is very small and although its not the size that counts I just don't like the style and we haven't found a wedding band that matches it either (the store didn't have anything that matched it) I totally seem shallow I know. To be honest I could go without a ring but if I'm going to wear something everyday I have to love it right? Is there anyone on this post that wants to get something different? Or am I just really picky? Try to be nice please :)
Posted by bobkat4ever[/QUOTE]

Umm, no? If you don't like your ring and your FI flat out said he's fine, I don't think it's shallow to want to change it, but I do think it's shallow to say (incorrectly) that internet strangers having at least a half carat is "pretty decent."

marissa_claire

I love this conversation.

And I wouldn't change my ring for the world.  DH knew that my favorite ring I owned before we got engaged was a three-stone amethyst that my mother had passed on.  I have a three-stone 3/4 carat e-ring and love it.  I have petite hands, so big stuff looks stupid on me.

If he ever wanted to upgrade, I would prefer he just buy me a different ring altogether or - like others said - put it towards something else.  And as far as size goes, I'd only be okay with something big if it laid flatter.  I feel like big rings these days go for height rather than surface area (if that makes sense...) so I love Kate Middleton's ring - even though it's a huge stone it lays flatter against her hand.