Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!

AJG456

this is not something that would have bothered me personally, and in this situation I really don't think she should say anything- it just isn't worth the likely drama.  But...the thing I always read on here when someone asks if they can ask a bridesmaid to cover a tattoo, or ask their bridesmaid to grow/cut their hair, or whatever is "well, you love her and knew what she looked like when you asked her, why would you ask her to change who she is?" and in this case, she didn't know what she looked like. Maybe she wouldn't have decided to have her in the party (given the family tension that led to the asking in the first place).

I guess I'm just wondering how people think the two "party lines" on these can fit together. Obviously caring about your BP should just trump, but obviously famliy issues can blur those lines.  Also, I guess I just don't have a whole lot of thoughts on this because if I knew I was going to be in a wedding in 5 weeks, it just wouldn't cross my mind to dye my hair a weird color. I think I would be nervous that people would think I was trying the steal attention.

So, those are my thoughts  : )   excuse my rambling

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-dyed-her-hair-purple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:50ee99a9-2c29-43ae-bb1f-9c7cb28df2baPost:7284eb9e-56c7-4736-acd7-d31b6b53dfcb">Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL oh boy... I think its fine to ask her to change her hair back to a normal color. When you asked her to be your MOH, her hair didnt look like sh*t. if it did, thats a different story. <strong>except it didnt, so its totally ok.
</strong>Posted by soontobehasrouni[/QUOTE]

Wrong. 

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-dyed-her-hair-purple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:50ee99a9-2c29-43ae-bb1f-9c7cb28df2baPost:ab010d02-f542-48a2-84ba-62545bade219">Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!</a>:
[QUOTE]this is not something that would have bothered me personally, and in this situation I really don't think she should say anything- it just isn't worth the likely drama.  But...the thing I always read on here when someone asks if they can ask a bridesmaid to cover a tattoo, or ask their bridesmaid to grow/cut their hair, or whatever is "well, you love her and knew what she looked like when you asked her, why would you ask her to change who she is?" and in this case, she didn't know what she looked like. Maybe she wouldn't have decided to have her in the party (given the family tension that led to the asking in the first place).<strong> I guess I'm just wondering how people think the two "party lines" on these can fit together.</strong> Obviously caring about your BP should just trump, but obviously famliy issues can blur those lines.  Also, I guess I just don't have a whole lot of thoughts on this because if I knew I was going to be in a wedding in 5 weeks, it just wouldn't cross my mind to dye my hair a weird color. I think I would be nervous that people would think I was trying the steal attention. So, those are my thoughts  : )   excuse my rambling
Posted by AJG456[/QUOTE]

The two party lines fit together like this:  Regardless of her reasons and relationship (or lack thereof) with FSIL, OP asked her to be in the wedding party.  You cannot dictate that a member of your WP lose weight, cover up a tattoo, color their hair, wear contacts, get a tan, get a boobjob, etc...  for your wedding.  Purple hair will not ruin OPs wedding pictures, but asking her to change it may ruin her relationship with her FSIL and that entire side of the family, especially if she is as "immature" as OP seems to think that she is.

lgoin1

Simply put: FSIL is a person, not a decoration. The rudeness isn't just about telling another adult what to do, but the fact that it's inherently dehumanizing.  OP you are the bride- everyone will be looking at you anyway! Relax, take a breather and let it go.

mrsmazza

I don't think it's out of line at all for you to ask her to dye it back. I don't care what people say, weddings are supposed to be nice events. This isn't a rock concert, it's a wedding. You said you're not that far out from the big day, so my question is why didn't she wait to do this? I understand that people have the right to change their hair if they want, but they should also be considerate of others. I don't know why so many people expect you to "get over" having this in your pictures for the rest of your life. She could have chosen to dye her hair the day after your wedding. I would very nicely ask her to put it back to a natural color, even if it wasn't her original one. If she wants to argue with you on it, remind her that this day is one of the biggest you'll ever experience and you have worked very hard to make it special and coordinated. She doesn't need to stand out as Barney the Bridesmaid.

KRP313

Every bride has her own idea of what she thinks is "perfect", but I think you need to let it go.  If a bride asked me to dye my hair back I would think she was superficial and being dramatic.  My FSIL wants to wear her hair in ringlet curls (that I don't like) for the wedding.  I thought of maybe suggesting that she get her hair done with me.  If not, then curls it is.  I love her beautiful face anyway and want her there in the wedding party. 

I am a perfectionist, but it is not worth the damage.  Good luck!