Pregnant MOH

LauraAshley15

This post has been deleted.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-moh-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51b4dd5f-1282-4739-90da-e43e9d0b5ed1Post:8970a2ff-c5b9-4e0b-a25d-41e33d4b6bcd">Pregnant MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been engaged for a year and a few months now with my wedding coming in September. My best friend is my MOH and she's knows how long I've been waiting for this day to finally come. She was pregnant with her second child and the due date was around May giving her a few months to lose some of the baby weight. Unfortunately she miscarried. Obviously I have nothing but sympathy for her but here is where the problem lies. I only have her and one other friend in my wedding party and I've always been adamant on their dresses matching, especially since there is only two of them. My MOH wanted to go shopping for dresses before she started showing because that way we would have the right dress size. She wasn't even 3 months pregnant yet and she had miscarried before so it was a possibility that it could happen again. But she was insistent. I said okay that's fine, but just make sure you get the dress a little bigger because if you lose the weight then fine, you can take it in but if you don't happen to lose it as fast as you wanted then that's okay too. I also said we could take her measurements now and go dress shopping a little later and just order it in those measurements. But no, she was adamant on doing it now. Obviously her and her husband want to try again. All they have to do is wait for her iron levels to go up and then they can start again. Not knowing how much time this could take, we have no idea when she will get pregnant again, which obviously isn't something you can predict anyways. But if she gets pregnant now between July or August she could end up being 8 months preggo at my wedding. Which I have no problem with, except she has already said to me that she doesn't want to have to try to alter the dress since it cost just over $200 plus the alteration cost on top of that. I already told her that their dresses have to match and I don't think it's fair to expect my other bridesmaid to have to buy a different dress because my MOH is preggo . I know it seems terrible of me to expect this, because having a baby is such a huge deal, but she was the one that wanted to get the dresses early. <strong>Is it totally wrong of me to think they could just put off having the baby for a few months? </strong>It's not like those few months are going to be a huge deal. I only get my wedding once, she'll have this kid for the rest of her life. If not, I think she should be expected to buy the dress in a bigger size to alter, if the one she already has can't be altered properly to fit. I've been having a couple problems with her lately and this just seems to be the icing on the cake. Am I being totally unreasonable?
Posted by LauraAshley15[/QUOTE]
ABSOLUTELY it is wrong of you.  Shame on you for expecting others to change their life plans so you can have matching dresses at a party.  Shame.  On.  You.

Viczaesar

Yes, you are completely out of line to want them to put off trying to conceive until after your wedding.  IF she gets pregnant again right away and IF she doesn't fit into the dress she bought for the wedding and can't alter the dress (or won't because it's prohibitively expensive) then you'll either need to get over your need to have your two BMs in matching dresses, or you'll need to purchase new dresses for them.  It's sad that you'd put identical dresses above the comfort and finances of your friends, in my opinion.  Also, even if you decide to (unnecessarily) buy two new dresses, keep in mind that a dress that is flattering on someone who is visibly pregnant is probably not going to be particular flattering on someone who is not visibly pregnant.  Seems like a major waste of time and effort and money to worry about something that 94% of your wedding guests will not even notice or care about (i.e. the fact that your bridesmaids are wearing the exact same dress).

Robyn5298

I understand your wanting your bridesmaids having a cohesive look for your wedding day.  It probably seems like something that is very important, but in the grand scheme of things this really isn't a problem to stress about. 

Have your girls already ordered their dresses?  The reason I ask is that your wedding isn't until September - you really don't need to order dresses for 5-6 months.  If you haven't gone ahead and placed the order, there's no need to worry about dresses until then.  When its time to order, you can have the discussion about your MOH's dress then.  She'll have a better idea of where she'll be at with her family planning and know what size to get.

If she has already ordered the dress, maybe you can offer to pay for her alterations if they are needed.  But again, since there's no way to know what her size will be until you get much closer to your wedding date there's no reason to start worrying now.

I am sorry for what your friend is going through.  I can't even comprehend the anguish that comes with having a miscarriage.  Try to be a good friend and not get stressed out about the dress.  You have plenty of time to make alterations or get another dress before the big day.  She can even wear a different dress in a coordinating color, and that will be just fine.  If you keep in mind that your friend standing up with you on the big day is more important than wearing the perfect dress, I promise it will work out okay.

SD3194

I was with you until that last paragraph. 

"I only get my wedding once, she'll have this kid for the rest of her life"

Agreed...shame on you. The woman has had two miscarriages...if she wants to wear a moo moo to your wedding then so be it.

stina93446

You have no right to say anything to her, nor should you. Your wedding is about YOU and it's most important to you. The minute you ask people to alter their own lives for your one day, you've crossed the line. Reevaluate your thinking.

aerinpegadrak

Your friend just had to feel her child die inside of her, and the first thing you're thinking about is your DRESSES?!?!?

What a sorry excuse for a friend.

bdulli13

I don't even have words for this.

Wait, yes I do.

Could you possibly be more selfish? If she does, in fact, get pregnant again, then address this problem. Your friend is an adult, and should be treated as such. She can take care of her dress situation. You may have to be flexible. Clearly you don't know what flexible is. It's when you bend a little bit for the sake of someone OTHER THAN YOURSELF. Like, someone who has lost two unborn children.

Get your priorities straight.

MyNameIsNot

You want her to hold off on trying for another baby for a dress?

WTF kind of person are you?  Terrible doesn't even begin to explain it.  

trix1223

Wow.  You've really bought into the wedding industry's "IT'S MYYYYYYYY SPAY-SHUL DAY!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!1111!" lock, stock, and barrel.  And that's just sad beyond all that's holy.

Spoiler alert:  If you don't want to read any more "tough love" response to your question, stop reading now.

A year ago we were on cloud nine as our DD and SIL announced that they were expecting their first child, and our first grandchild.  Fast forward a month:  she lost the baby and nearly her life in complications.  The sadness will always be a part of her life and our life.  It's something that never goes away.

And you're going to equate a DRESS to what your friend has recently been through.  A FREAKIN' DRESS?  Can you possibly have any less compassion for your friend, or any less misplaced priorities?

If you were my DD, here's what I'd say to you:  "Okay, cookiepuss, lose the attitude.  Now shall we talk about things that really matter?"

I am appalled by your suggestion that she should put off having children so that you can have two women in matching dresses at a 5 hour party.  And just to put it all in perspective:  dresses that only months after your wedding, no one but you will be able to even remember.

Please don't ever, ever, ever say out loud what you wrote here.  It's bad enough that you wrote it on an anonymous site.  But if people you know hear you say it out loud.....

megandjay

You need a major reality check. Your friend's BABY just DIED and you are obsessed with matching dresses?

A child is a human life, a wedding is a party- what do you think is more important? You need to get some perspective- have you talked about this with other family or friends?

You only have 2 BMs, why not have different dresses? Even in the same color, or the same neckline. I promise everyone will know they are bridesmaids.

Here are some examples of different dresses, in the same color that still match:

Always_a_Bridesmaid

You remind me of some of the incredibly selfish people that I have recently cut out of my life. 

8daysaweek

I am going to err on the side of caution and assume you are just coming off poorly in your post and not expressing yourself well.

Your best friend lost her child. Unless you've been through it, you can not being to imagine the pain. I haven't been through it but I am a mom and had a couple early scares with DD and I can only imagine how devastating it would have been to lose a pregnancy.

Regardless of her miscarriage, expecting your friend to hold off on her life for one day is just silly. The wedding may be the most important day of your life and FI's right now but it is by no means the most important of anyone else's. It's one day.

Not having matching dresses won't kill you but worrying more about matching dresses than your friend's loss and family might kill your friendship. I would take a break from wedding planning for a while and think about your friend and your friendship.

If the dresses matching are that important after that, find a way to pay for the new dress or alterations yourself.

By the way, there are places where pregnant women can rent formal gowns online for much less than the price of purchasing a dress that is really unlikely to ever be worn again. Try bellybumpboutique.com or rentmaternitywear.com.

megk8oz

Yes, it absolutely is terrible of you thinking they should put off having a baby so she can wear the same dress as your other attendant.

The woman had a miscarriage, and is strong enough to want to try again (Some women never come back from something like that) ... and all you can seriously think about here is that your BM dresses absolutely must match?

You're right, your wedding is only "one day", and if she does have a successful pregnancy, she will [hopefully] have that child "for the rest of her life". Doesn't that in itself show you what the priorities should be here? One Day Party vs. One Human Life ...  you really think the dress she's wearing to a party is more important? Really? Seriously?

Manwaithiel

Let me get this straight.

Her baby just died...and your MAIN concern right now is MATCHING DRESSES???

Please re-read what you wrote. Read it to your FI. And tell me that you both don't react negatively to that attitude.

vicki0508

I agree whole heartedly with everything the PPs have said.  My only addition is that you need to stop saying "preggo" because it makes you sound even more ridiculous.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-moh-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51b4dd5f-1282-4739-90da-e43e9d0b5ed1Post:8970a2ff-c5b9-4e0b-a25d-41e33d4b6bcd">Pregnant MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it seems terrible of me to expect this, because having a baby is such a huge deal, but she was the one that wanted to get the dresses early. <strong>Is it totally wrong of me to think they could just put off having the baby for a few months?</strong> It's not like those few months are going to be a huge deal. I only get my wedding once, she'll have this kid for the rest of her life. If not, I think she should be expected to buy the dress in a bigger size to alter, if the one she already has can't be altered properly to fit. I've been having a couple problems with her lately and this just seems to be the icing on the cake. Am I being totally unreasonable?
Posted by LauraAshley15[/QUOTE]

I couldn't quote all of what you wrote because what I did quote sickened me enough to not even want to give you any advice. Do you realize that because this is her second miscarriage there is the very real possibility that she may never be able to carry a child full term? Ever. You wedding is a party and you're comparing matching dresses to human life.

You ABSOLUTELY cannot ask her to put her life on hold for your precious matching dresses. Your dresses DO NOT have to match. I can't believe you would be so selfish to think that the dress she wears in your wedding is even registering on her radar after having lost her SECOND child.

I can't believe people like you really exist in this world.

Manwaithiel

*jawdrop*

Oh my gosh...

OP please be a troll, please be a troll, please be a troll...

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-moh-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51b4dd5f-1282-4739-90da-e43e9d0b5ed1Post:5000cbe7-9614-4eeb-8d90-405bc93bd7d4">Re: Pregnant MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh, ladies, I'm sorry for everyone who was offended by that post, as was I. My profile was "hacked" by a bitter so called friend (long story), hoping my MOH would see this since we go on this site together a lot. She just wants to stir up trouble. I've tried to delete this but I can't find anywhere to do it, so I've edited the post....again I'm so sorry for the trouble caused.
Posted by LauraAshley15[/QUOTE]

<div>This proves that this is a troll.  </div><div>
</div><div>Someone on CC made up the same story the other day.  </div>

megk8oz

I really want to know why anybody would hack a Knot account. You're not the first person to claim this happened to you after posting something that wasn't well received ... it strangely "happens" a lot.

I'm having a hard time believing that there are that many people in the world who are so petty (And capable of correctly guessing one's user ID and password) that they need to "ruin somebody's reputation" on a wedding planning forum. A really hard time.

Manwaithiel

LOL!

If this is REALLY what happened (I certainly don't believe you), I bet you said that same story to some "friend" of yours who was so offended by what you felt, she decided she would "hack" into your Knot account and post your true feelings for your MOH to see.

That's IF you're telling the truth. Which I don't think you are. Your other posts boast a selfishness that isn't a far cry from the speshul day attitude you posted here.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-moh-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51b4dd5f-1282-4739-90da-e43e9d0b5ed1Post:bd07372e-305d-4025-bd69-94a0a78694b2">Re: Pregnant MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]This is ridiculous. I could have just ignored this completely, but believe it or not, I do have a heart, and sympathized with people on here who left comments about their own miscarriages. I've had one myself and do not take this situation lightly. I felt I owed an apology, regardless of who wrote the post. I don't think I should have to "prove" myself to complete strangers in the first place. Believe what you want. I'm done.
Posted by LauraAshley15[/QUOTE]

Mrs.B6302007

Wow.

Just wow.

deepcovejackie

You'll be missed, OP. 

CurlyGirlyGirl

I can't believe that she would share her pregnancy hopes and plans with someone as self centered as yourself.  Did you make sure with all of your guests before you secured your date that it was ok with them?