Should I ask?

smtracy344

I don't post on any boards very often, but this is NOT a question about how to "fire" a bridesmaid. I have a friend that I have asked to be a bridesmaid about a year ago when we first got engaged. At the time, we were very close, but I haven't physically seen her in months even though we live in the same city. Every time we make plans, she seems to end up cancelling them for one reason or another. She got engaged over Christmas, and didn't tell me (I found out on FB). Our wedding is in June, and the other girls are ordering their dresses very soon. I would like to know if there is a nice way to simply ask her if she is still planning on being in the wedding? Or should I just wait it out and see if she gets the dress? I do realize that I maybe asked her too early, but we were so close at the time that I thought it would continue. Thanks for any help or opinions!

gottahavashorti

Or should I just wait it out and see if she gets the dress?

This one.  Give her the information and see if she ends up with a dress. 

Asking someone if they are still planning to be in the wedding or still want to be in the wedding can sometimes be misconstrued as "she wants me out of her wedding."

banana468

I think you can find out when the bridal shop (or website) MUST have the dress ordered.  Is the shop insistent that all orders must be placed together or have they said anything to you?

Then, if you do get that information, you can say, "Hey, I miss you and I haven't heard from you so I hope everything is going well!   I just found out from the shop that dresses do need to be ordered by X date in order to come in on time.  If you aren't going to be able to order your dress and would rather attend as a guest, that's fine."

But I'd give her one more try of seeing how she's doing before you do that.

emilyinchile

I think asking how she feels comes across as a passive aggressive attempt to get her to back out. Even if you don't mean it that way, I know I would hear it as "sooo, you still interested? Because it's TOTALLY fine if not. Great even. No pressure" and feel like you wanted me to say no.

Let her know about the dress and that you miss her/want to see her, and see what she says.

smtracy344

Ok, thanks all. They did talk to me about ordering the dresses together, but it won't be possible since the others live much farther away.

I'll just see what she says!