Unwanted Bachelorette party guests

Jjbowles10612

I had my best friend be the MOH in my wedding and then she decided to tell me she was unsupportive of the wedding and that my FI was ugly (and i dont even know where that came from).. Since I had only heard from her once from January to April (in which she demanded to know who was paying for the bridal shower because she was not paying for it!) i asked her to drop out of the wedding party and that she was invited as a guest instead.  When i offered to buy the dress back from her she completely ignored me.  I have only heard from once since January and she was kicked out of the bridal party in April.  Now, she just invited herself to the bachelorette party without asking...I am not sure if this is a good idea or not and I am not sure how to go about this..Anyone have any similar issues?

Maggie0829

I am confused how you would still want this person in your life after she told you that she doesn't support your upcoming marriage?  Kicking her out of the wedding party but then telling her that she is still invited as a guest is just weird.

As far as how to deal with the fact that she invited herself to your bach party I am not sure.  You seem to have bigger issues with this person then just the fact that she has taken it upon herself to show up at your bach party.

funandfreckles

Somebody must have told her about the bachelorette party...?

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:5270ef39-6bf8-42fe-a9db-f13087168d42">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose I am just super forgiving and wasn't ready to throw a 15 year friendship down the drain, that was why she was invited to the wedding. We have mutual friends in the wedding party, thats prob how she found out.  She wasn't ready to handle the bridal party duties I guess. I dont think its wierd, we were friends forever, it goes back to being forgiving....
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]

<div>There is just so much wrong with this.</div><div>
</div><div>First, the wedding party has no 'duties' outside of getting the required outfit (which you said she has) and wearing it in the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>And second, you can't just kick someone out of your wedding and go on being friends. That is a friendship-ending move and it's insulting to say, "Oh, you can still be a guest."</div><div>
</div><div>Bottom line, she was wrong to agree to be a bridesmaid if she doesn't think you should be marrying your groom, but you were more wrong to demote her from bridesmaid to guest.</div>

msuprincess04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:5270ef39-6bf8-42fe-a9db-f13087168d42">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose I am just super forgiving and wasn't ready to throw a 15 year friendship down the drain, that was why she was invited to the wedding. We have mutual friends in the wedding party, thats prob how she found out.  She wasn't ready to handle the bridal party duties I guess. I dont think its wierd, we were friends forever, it goes back to being forgiving....
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]

When you kick someone out of a wedding party, then you end the friendship. When you end a friendship, but continue to pursue a relationship, such as inviting her to the wedding, you send mixed signals. This is why there is so much confusion. It's not forgiveness from you that is the issue, you acted wrongly, you should be asking her for forgiveness.

Addtionally, there are no "bridal party duties". So, nothing she can't handle. Please remember these are friends not helpers/workers/wedding planners. You gave them a title to honor them as special people in your life, to do something nice for them, not so they'd do something nice for you. Hence, why there are no "duties."

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:5270ef39-6bf8-42fe-a9db-f13087168d42">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose I am just super forgiving and wasn't ready to throw a 15 year friendship down the drain, that was why she was invited to the wedding. We have mutual friends in the wedding party, thats prob how she found out.  <strong>She wasn't ready to handle the bridal party duties I guess.</strong> I dont think its wierd, we were friends forever, it goes back to being forgiving....
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]

What bridal party duties?  Buy the dress, show up on time clean and sober, smile for pictures, are those the duties you are talking about because it seems like she could have handled them (and was handling them) just fine.

AEPerpete

If it were me, at this point I guess I would not invite her to the wedding or the bach party. If I felt so strongly as to take someone out of my wedding, I would no longer have them in my life at all.
If she isn't speaking to you....I dont know why she would even want to come to the Bach party?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:902b0405-6b5b-4c47-8639-56438e3036bf">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]If it were me, at this point I guess I would not invite her to the wedding or the bach party. If I felt so strongly as to take someone out of my wedding, I would no longer have them in my life at all. If she isn't speaking to you....<strong>I dont know why she would even want to come to the Bach party?
</strong>Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

Well if she is really pissed she probaby wants to go to ruin the brides night.

Jjbowles10612

She was the one who said she still wanted to be friends. So theres nothing wrong on my part.  The bridal party does have obligation, show up clean and ready like you said. But the maid of honor has more expected of them.  And also, when i looked up etiquette on THEKNOT.COM it said to tell her I rather you come as a guest rather than as a part of the bridal party. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:0c240ff1-5f13-4058-94f0-44300fbf3569">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]She was the one who said she still wanted to be friends. So theres nothing wrong on my part.  The bridal party does have obligation, show up clean and ready like you said. <strong>But the maid of honor has more expected of them</strong>.  And also, when i looked up etiquette on THEKNOT.COM it said to tell her I rather you come as a guest rather than as a part of the bridal party. 
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]

Um what, like hold your bouquet, fix your train and sign your marriage license?

And do not take advice from any article on TK.  TK is a part of the huge wedding industry that is only trying to make as much money as possible...all the advice that is given on TK (not including the community boards) is most likely wrong and rude.  So on that note, kicking her out of your wedding party was rude.

Jjbowles10612

I didn't know advice was wrong. But yours is just down right abrasive.  Maybe since you know all about wedding etiquette, then you should have your own feature on the website in which you have an account and dont support.  I was looking to see if anyone had any similar problems, not get downright b*tchy-all-knowing advice.

aerinpegadrak

The Knot doesn't care if you ever speak to your friends again after the wedding.  They want you to see it as an endgame to make you more willing to throw all the money you have at it.  It's very bad for their bottom line for anyone to realize that life goes on, it's a party that's done in six hours, and then you have to spend the rest of your lives dealing with how you treated people.

You would be justified in kicking her out if she'd made a pass at your FI or done something to you that would require police involvement.  Barring those extreme circumstances, it is always, always, always a jerk move.  If you still want to be friends with her, then you'd best start groveling.  If you're not willing to apologize for your horrible behavior, then let her move on and free herself of a toxic relationship, and consider the friendship ended.

msuprincess04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:9adf348e-43d5-4bfa-9c76-f485bcb101aa">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't know advice was wrong. But yours is just down right abrasive.  Maybe since you know all about wedding etiquette, then you should have your own feature on the website in which you have an account and dont support.  I was looking to see if anyone had any similar problems, not get downright b*tchy-all-knowing advice.
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]

You said you didn't know how to handle the situation. Though, I don't understand what "situation" you mean. You kicked her out of your wedding party, not a good move, but done and over with. She wants to remain friends, and it sounds like you do too. Why wouldn't she be invited to your bachelorette party? Isn't that for friends? Didn't you just say you've been friends for 15 years? Let it go. You aren't throwing the bachelorette party, someone else is throwing it for you. And since she is invited to the wedding, and a "friend" of yours, if the hostess invites her there really isn't a problem. If she's not someone you want there, then why is she still invited to the wedding?

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:9adf348e-43d5-4bfa-9c76-f485bcb101aa">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't know advice was wrong. But yours is just down right abrasive.  Maybe since you know all about wedding etiquette, then you should have your own feature on the website in which you have an account and dont support.  I was looking to see if anyone had any similar problems, not get downright b*tchy-all-knowing advice.
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]
Pouting is not a good look on anyone.

You got good, accurate information.  Whining about the delivery not being fluffy pillows enough for you is just immature. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unwanted-bachelorette-party-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:550942b1-1445-4ccc-a9ae-5eef96e83e0dPost:9adf348e-43d5-4bfa-9c76-f485bcb101aa">Re: Unwanted Bachelorette party guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't know advice was wrong. But yours is just down right <strong>abrasive</strong>.  Maybe since you know all about wedding etiquette, then you should have your own feature on the website in which you have an account and dont support.  I was looking to see if anyone had any similar problems, not get downright <strong>b*tchy-all-knowing advice</strong>.
Posted by Jjbowles10612[/QUOTE]

First, no where did I say that I don't support TK.  All I said was that many of their articles are unrealistic and poor advice.  I think TK is great if you are searching for ideas, pictures, dresses, decorations, etc.  It is also a great place to get advice from actual brides, like people on the community board who have been there.

Second, my advice was not abrasive or b *tchy-all-knowing.  My advice was blunt and to the point.  I am sorry if you didn't like my delivery but I am not going to fluff it up or sugar coat it to make it easier for you to swallow.  If you don't like my advice then you don't have to listen to it.  But I am certainly not the only one in this thread that told you that you were wrong with what you did.  So I think you need to put on your big girl pants and take the advice like an adult.