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to include or not to include

rlaulusarlaulusa member
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in Wedding Party
I have a friend who I used to be really really good friends with since we were kids, let's call her Jill. When Jill got married a little while back I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, but since then we haven't really talked at all. Jill and I used to be really close with these two other girls who I'm having be bridesmaids in my upcoming wedding. I'm not planning to have Jill be one though because we haven't really spoken late. However, her mom and my mom and really good friends and her mom is helping out a lot with my wedding. I'm worried that if I don't include her not only with she be offended but her mother will be offended. What should I do?!
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Re: to include or not to include

  • stina93446stina93446 member
    2500 Comments
    Weddings are not tit for tat. She doesn't have to be asked. Being a guest is honor enough. you can thank  her mom in the program for all the help.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You don't have to include her just because you were in hers.  Make sure you show her mom your appreciation for all the help she's providing.  And if you're planning on doing so, please don't sit Jill down to tell her why she isn't in the wedding--it would probably only make things worse.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Dno't include her as a BM. Send her mom a note and maybe a small gift (flowers, chocolates, wine, small gift card) as thanks for her help.

    If you still want to include Jill in some way, and not just out of guilt, maybe she could do a reading? Or ask her mother to do the reading.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    My DD was asked to be in a friend's wedding, and was happy to do it.  She did not however ask that friend to be in hers.  It was fine.

    Likewise, DD had her friend in her wedding last July.  Friend is getting married next month, and DD is not a BM.  And she's perfectly happy to just be going as a guest.

    If you don't want the friend in the wedding, don't ask her.  And don't ask her because her mom is voluntarily helping you.  Thank the mom, and call it all good.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • CTGirl30CTGirl30
    1000 Comments
    Don't feel obligated to ask someone to be in your wedding simply because you were in theirs awhile back - esp if you're not good friends now.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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