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no gifts/pay for meal

we have 7 children and a house that is bulging at the seems with stuff. we have decided to have guests pay for the meal rather than get gifts we dont want or have room for. it is aa cocktail style eception but will have lots of food . and differnt menu is provided for the kids as they want party food. is asking $50 pp for adults and $15 for kids 14 and under too expensive?
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Re: no gifts/pay for meal

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:7b4ec7e8-08ba-4c40-901e-1849f2ecd509">no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]we have 7 children and a house that is bulging at the seems with stuff. we have decided to have guests pay for the meal rather than get gifts we dont want or have room for. it is aa cocktail style eception but will have lots of food . and differnt menu is provided for the kids as they want party food. is asking $50 pp for adults and $15 for kids 14 and under too expensive?
    Posted by jenny68[/QUOTE]

    This actually isn't appropriate at all.

    Host the reception you want to host.  BUT, you absolutely cannot ask your guests to pay for their meals.  By definition, you can't be hosting and asking your guests to pay for their meals.

    You can certainly decline a shower, not register and spend any money you get from guests towards your reception.  But asking them to pay for their food is simply inexcusable.
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    If you can't afford to throw the party, you don't get to have the party.  It is absolutely not okay to ask people to pay their way for your wedding.  I was recently invited to a wedding where I would have had to pay for three of the four days of festivities.  I wasn't able to go anyway, but if I was available, I would have said no on principle.

    If you can't afford a wedding, you don't have a wedding.  You can get married at city hall and have a smaller party that you can afford.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    That's possibly the worst idea I've ever heard on these boards, and I've heard some doozies.  Being told that I was expected to pay $50 a head (which is a really expensive dinner, that's what we'd expect to spend for a nice 3-4 course meal) for the privilege of watching someone get married would make me seriously consider if I wanted to associate with that person.  It brings to mind a certain movie title: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

    Your guests should never have to open their wallets at a party you are hosting.  Period.
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    Cake and punch
    BBQ
    Deli trays of sandwiches, fruit, cheese and veggies
    DIY pasta bar
    Brunch
    Renting a room at a restaurant
    Catering from your favorite restaurant
    Pizza
    Dessert bar
    Subway catering trays

    These are all ways to save money on your reception food.  Charging your guests $50 pp is not.  $50pp will mean a high decline rate due to guests being offended or unable to afford attendance.
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    edited July 2010
    Oh please don't do this. Just don't. I'm echoing PP, but seriously, you would never ever ask someone to pay to attend a hosted party. It's just inappropriate.

    Banana mentioned plenty of things you can do to subtly let people know you don't want household "stuff" if your guests choose to get you a gift. There is no way to tell people to pay for their plate at your reception as a "gift" to you. Just think about if you were asked to do that at someone's wedding. It really is beyond rude. What would you have your invitation say?

    Rethink this. If you can't afford a dinner reception without asking your guests to pay for it, don't have one. Have appetizers and drinks, cake and punch, a tea, anything but asking your guests to pay for the party.
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    No.

    Just no.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    Not okay.
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    Here is how your logic fails:
    You invite people to your wedding to celebrate with you. You host a party. It is extremely rude to expect gifts from every single guest.

    By telling the guests to pay for their plate rather than give youa  gift, you are basically telling them that if they don't each get you a $50 gift, that they are not invited. This tells your guests that presents/money are more important to you than their presence. That is really really rude.

    BTW, if I paid $50 to eat anywhere, it had better be a sit down, substantial meal. Paying to attend a cocktail reception SCREAMS charity fundraiser.

    Just elope. A marriage license here only costs $71.
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    I honestly can't even believe this is a real question.  Like really....I can't even think of anything intelligent to say.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:815b506d-2b3d-454e-9101-d3befbc88236">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh please don't do this. Just don't. I'm echoing PP, but seriously, you would never ever ask someone to pay to attend a hosted party. It's just inappropriate. Banana mentioned plenty of things you can do to subtly let people know you don't want household "stuff" if your guests choose to get you a gift. There is no way to tell people to pay for their plate at your reception as a "gift" to you. Just think about if you were asked to do that at someone's wedding. <strong>It really is beyond rude</strong>. What would you have your invitation say? Rethink this. If you can't afford a dinner reception without asking your guests to pay for it, don't have one. Have appetizers and drinks, cake and punch, a tea, anything but asking your guests to pay for the party.
    Posted by Licia&Wayne[/QUOTE]

    ditto.

    #1.  If your are HOSTING a reception, then host it.

    #2.  Although it's nice to receive gifts, it should NEVER be expected.
     You are ASSUMING people will give you a gift, and we all know what happens when you assume...

    (PS-my future sister-in-law bought us a $100 blender/food-processor as our wedding gift, does that mean that I should uninvite (sp?) her, her husband + 2 kids, because they didn't meet the monetary requirement?)

    #3.  do what you can...and as pp mentioned...if that means deli trays + sandwiches, then so be it.  But please don't expect your guests to foot the bill of a nice dinner for your sake.

    Having to pay my own way reminds me of going to keg parties back in high school.  You paid $10, got a red dixie cup + got o drink all the beer you wanted.  Just sayin' is all...
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    Holy crap that IS the craziest/worst idea I've heard here. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:e4e355b8-c62f-49cc-88e9-f2a8b66520b4">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Holy crap that IS the craziest/worst idea I've heard here. 
    Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]


    LMAO, I just laughed so hard...I almost pee'd my pants!!!  Well put!
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    I honestly can't believe someone out there in the world thinks that this is a good idea. If I received an ivitation to this wedding I'd be sooooo offended. I think the OP is about to lose a lot of friends.

    *Notice that she isn't even asking if its a good idea. She's already decided to go ahead with this shity-ass plan. She's really only asking if the price is too much. UGH...some people are so rude.
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    that's it...I have made up my mind...this post CAN'T be real!  In fact,  I think it's a fraud, just someone posting a ridiculous idea, looking to get a rise out of people.  Anyone agree?  lol

    BabyFruit Ticker
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    I think you should charge like, $75 or $100 pp and make a profit from your wedding!
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2010
    Sounds like an ingenious way to winnow your friends list of people with any sort of class, knowledge of etiquette, and ability to say no.  Brava!



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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:2220f506-1e2d-4807-a4c1-e7ee37791569">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]that's it...I have made up my mind...this post CAN'T be real!  In fact,  I think it's a fraud, just someone posting a ridiculous idea, looking to get a rise out of people.  Anyone agree?  lol
    Posted by bheartsb[/QUOTE]

    <div>Bhearts, we call it MUD, or made up drama.</div><div>
    </div><div>I really hope this is mud.</div>
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    Sadly, this could be real. I had a friend who did this. Except we (another friend and I) weren't invited to the ceremony.
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    jenny68jenny68 member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    well ive just read all of your replys on here and i am the groom and from what ive read on here your ideas are all shity too!!! we asked for everones opinion thats all we didnt expect a bunch of snobby snooty nose rich assh@#$s giving there so called opinions when they can afford to pay for everthing mummy and daddy pays for!!!  we are both students and have 7 YES 7 KIDS  bet none of you jack@#$s have any kids? pull you heads in . and we deserve to have a wedding and people have already agreed to it anway so you are all WRONG!! Oh and by the way we are paying for all  of the drinks anyway which costs a hell of a lot more than the meals as most of our guests drink top shelf and wine so in my opinion i think $50 is pretty reasonable and we dont get an of the mone left over back any way so we are not making a profit
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    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:2ee41b5a-fe13-4774-8b73-88145eecc642">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]well ive just read all of your replys on here and i am the groom and from what ive read on here your ideas are all shity too!!! we asked for everones opinion thats all we didnt expect a bunch of snobby snooty nose rich assh@#$s giving there so called opinions when they can afford to pay for everthing mummy and daddy pays for!!!  we are both students and have 7 YES 7 KIDS  bet none of you jack@#$s have any kids? pull you heads in . and we deserve to have a wedding and people have already agreed to it anway so you are all WRONG!! Oh and by the way we are paying for all  of the drinks anyway which costs a hell of a lot more than the meals as most of our guests drink top shelf and wine so in my opinion i think $50 is pretty reasonable and we dont get an of the mone left over back any way so we are not making a profit
    Posted by jenny68[/QUOTE]

    You posted your question to an international forum.  People are going to answer it in whatever way they see fit.  So seriously, get over yourself.

    If you can't take the fact that other people will consider this a horrible idea (and I guarantee your family and friends will too even if they don't say it to your faces) then you shouldn't post it here.  Maybe to a blog where you can control people's answers, but not to an Internet discussion board.  I haven't exactly been on TK forever, but I know better than to get worked up over what is said over the Internet.

    You come on here assuming that everyone is rich...have you been on Budget Brides?  Many of us (myself included) are not rich and do not have mommy and daddy paying for our weddings.  No matter what our circumstances, most of us will suck it up and pay for the ceremony and reception that<em> we can afford</em>.  That is what a HOST does.  Just because you are students with kids doesn't make you different than the rest of us.  You don't get some kind of free pass for being in school and raising 7 kids yet still wanting the pretty princess platinum speshul wedding day on a JOP budget.

    You don't automatically deserve to have guests at your wedding paying for their own meals (regardless of if it's $50 or $5) to have the "honor" of seeing you and your bride say "I do."   It doesn't work that way and "rude" and "tacky" don't begin to describe the horridness of this idea, because the reception is for the guests to thank them for coming - it's essentially a gift to them.  You don't ask someone to pay for their own gift.  You chose to get married and you are choosing to invite guests.  If they are guests, they shouldn't have to pay.

    If you can't afford both food and bar...cut down on your bar selection (host beer and wine/sig drink only, or go dry) or look for less expensive food choices, but at the very least you should, as host, offer food and drink options and not expect for your guests to foot the bill for <strong><em>your</em></strong> wedding day.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:2ee41b5a-fe13-4774-8b73-88145eecc642">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]well ive just read all of your replys on here and i am the groom and from what ive read on here your ideas are all shity too!!! <strong>we asked for everones opinion</strong> thats all <strong>we didnt expect a bunch of</strong> snobby snooty nose rich assh@#$s giving there so called <strong>opinions </strong>when they can afford to pay for everthing mummy and daddy pays for!!!  we are both students and have 7 YES 7 KIDS  bet none of you jack@#$s have any kids? pull you heads in . and we deserve to have a wedding and people have already agreed to it anway so you are all WRONG!! Oh and by the way we are paying for all  of the drinks anyway which costs a hell of a lot more than the meals as most of our guests drink top shelf and wine so in my opinion i think $50 is pretty reasonable and we dont get an of the mone left over back any way so we are not making a profit
    Posted by jenny68[/QUOTE]

    ROFL, I think this thread is gonna be epic! 

    Ok let's break this down one stupid piece at a time:

    1) What does your being a student and having seven kids have to do with anything?  Rude and inconsiderate is rude and inconsiderate regardless of your choice to not use contraception.

    2) What does your being students have to do with anything?  Still not seeing how having kids or being a student somehow makes it not rude to invite people to come pay to see you.

    3) When you have a party at your house do you have a cover charge for your guests to get in? 

    4) If you're a parent of seven kids and a student, I'm really curious what the thought process was that lead you to the conclusion that the best thing you could do for the party you're hosting was to charge your own guests a fee to eat but then pay for booze for the subset who drink at a cost that is "a hell of a lot more than the meals?"  How did you come up with that idea instead of simply <strong>hosting</strong> the reception and not having alcohol if you can't afford to feed your guests and get some of those "top shelf" drinkers of yours intoxicated?  Did you even think about the guests who don't drink?

    5) If your guests have already "agreed" to this, what was the point of even starting the thread?  Were you just wanting a pat on the back about your great idea to charge guests to eat? 

    6) I'm curious if your fiancee has had a baby shower for any of her seven pregnancies?  Did you charge her friends to come over and celebrate but gave them booze to make it ok?

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    This has to be MUD.

    On the off chance that there really are two totally classless people out there who have found eachother

    1. Don't throw the we're poor card out there.  Look a the budget wedding and DIY pages.
    2. Don't throw the we're poor card out there.  A lot of us either grew up without money or are currently struggling to make ends meet.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:2ee41b5a-fe13-4774-8b73-88145eecc642">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]well ive just read all of your replys on here and i am the groom and from what ive read on here your ideas are all shity too!!! we asked for everones opinion thats all we didnt expect a bunch of snobby snooty nose rich assh@#$s giving there so called opinions when they can afford to pay for everthing mummy and daddy pays for!!! <strong> we are both students</strong>and have 7 YES 7 KIDS  bet none of you jack@#$s have any kids? pull you heads in . and we deserve to have a wedding and people have already agreed to it anway so you are all WRONG!! Oh and by the way we are paying for all  of the drinks anyway which costs a hell of a lot more than the meals as <strong>most of our guests drink top shelf and wine</strong>so in my opinion i think $50 is pretty reasonable and we dont get an of the mone left over back any way so we are not making a profit
    Posted by jenny68[/QUOTE]

    Just read this one.  This is MUD.  No way does a student (unless going for some backwoods GED) or someone whose friends drink top shelf liquor and wine have spelling and grammar this atrocious.
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    Jenny68, you don't have to like the replies, but it's not OK at all to insult the people who responded and the use of profanity is not OK at all.

    If you do this again I'll have to ban you.

    In the meantime, please listen to everyone.  You don't get to be entitled to have your guests pay for their food simply because you think you're working harder or because you feel that you don't have as much as others.  Host a reception that you can afford.  If people give you presents then enjoy them.  You can't tell people to pay for their meal or that it's in lieu of a present.  Both notions are not appropriate.
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    MUD.  And the follow up was just MUD.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I am a student with a child and this would never cross my mind.  This seriously cant be real!

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    pleasebereal - pleasebereal - pleasebereal

    But, I'm going with not.
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    This so cannot be real, but I'll play.

    I had my husband read this post last night.  Well, he had to read it twice because the first time he red it out loud, complete with pronouncing all typos, and all he was able to get from that was "SEVEN kids?  Please tell me they're not all from that one relationship, like he has 4 and she has 3."  After he realized what was going on with the food, he said "Oh, that's not okay."  And he doesn't hang out on wedding forums, so it's not like I'm crazy or something.

    Do your teachers like your spelling?

    I just finished grad school and DH is going into grad school.  Does that make me rich?

    If we hadn't been able to afford the wedding we had, we would have gotten married at the church with the reception in the church hall and food cooked by the church ladies.  Or maybe at a park.  I didn't know too much about alternate venues and food when we got engaged.

    No, we don't have kids. We were dead set on keeping it that way so we could finish school.  And hopefully we won't have kids while DH is still in school.

    If we had 7 kids and were in school, we most certainly would not have the wedding we did, which was well below average cost for the area.  We skipped a ton of things we didn't need, shopped hard to find prices we could afford while getting what we were looking for, and cut our guest list (and our venue choice made us keep our guest list to the reduced size).

    Many of the posters on Wedding Party also post on Budget Weddings.  There are people on Budget Weddings having very inexpensive weddings without charging their guests.

    Top shelf open bar where your guests are paying for their food is a waste of money.  If you're that broke, do you really have friends that only drink top shelf?  If they do and you need open bar, you should be finding a venue that allows you to provide the alcohol anyhow.  Then it will cost much less than the unnecessary $50 meal.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    On the off chance that this is real, and not some really sad attempt at a troll:

    No I don't have kids. But DH and I also paid every last dime for our wedding. As in we paid. Not "Mommy and Daddy" and certainly not my guests.

    Having kids (No matter how many kids) =/= the right to be rude. In fact, having kids is the worst excuse, because then you're setting an example that it's totally ok to not have manners if it means you get to have a really awesome party (And a wedding reception is just that: a party). How about you teach your kids how to be realistic, mature and well-mannered?

    You have 7 kids. Grow up and accept the fact that life isn't always fair, we don't always get what we want (Things that you should be teaching you're kids, not having to learn yourselves at this age)... and that you have to find a way to have a wedding you can afford. If that means you only get to go to a courthouse and take your kids and parents to dinner after or you have to wait another couple of years to save up, then so be it.

    "Feel sorry" for me, my husband and my family/friends all you want, but at least nobody declined attending my wedding because they were appalled by how rude I was or has been talking about how class-less it was ever since (Both of which I can assure you will happen to you if you carry out this awful idea).

    Have the wedding you can afford, not your guests.

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    Oh, grow up. I can tell you right now that DH and I paid for our own wedding and the majority of women on this board did the same. Very few people have their entire weddings funded by "mummy and daddy" so stop feeling sorry for yourself and take some responsibility for your crappy idea. You aren't "owed" a wedding so if you can't HOST a wedding, then don't have one.

    If your guests want to pay for their dinners, they'll go to the resteraunt of their choosing and order what they want. But I think you don't grasp the concept of what it means to host an event - it means to provide for your guests. And that doesn't mean caviar and champagne all night - it means doing it within your means.
     
    You decided to have 7 children and also go to school. Bravo. So if hosting a wedding on top of those expenses isn't in the picture right now, don't come up with lame ideas like charging your guests for their dinners. You don't do what you can't afford - go to City Hall and get married and skip the after party you can't afford and your guests will all decline anyway out of sheer rudeness of your suggested idea.  The End.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giftspay-meal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:56193ea1-35bf-44a8-98b5-7a70cdd8f3f9Post:2ee41b5a-fe13-4774-8b73-88145eecc642">Re: no gifts/pay for meal</a>:
    [QUOTE]well ive just read all of your replys on here and i am the groom and from what ive read on here your ideas are all shity too!!! we asked for everones opinion thats all we didnt expect a bunch of snobby snooty nose rich assh@#$s giving there so called opinions when they can afford to pay for everthing mummy and daddy pays for!!!  we are both students and have 7 YES 7 KIDS  bet none of you jack@#$s have any kids? pull you heads in . and we deserve to have a wedding and people have already agreed to it anway so you are all WRONG!! Oh and by the way we are paying for all  of the drinks anyway which costs a hell of a lot more than the meals as most of our guests drink top shelf and wine so in my opinion i think $50 is pretty reasonable and we dont get an of the mone left over back any way so we are not making a profit
    Posted by jenny68[/QUOTE]
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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