Order at the church

hcheram

Okay- so I have decided to have the order my bridesmaids and groomsmen to stand at the church is by height... Which leaves my sister at the very end because she is tiny. My mom is offended by this, and says that the friends I have standing closer to me and are more "new friends" will appear to be valued more than her. I have decided to place them in a different order at the head table while we eat- which to me is more important because that is where you spend your time, and have to interact with those sitting beside you... Is my Mom over reacting as I feel she is???

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_order-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:56946c44-d40a-43cc-ada7-6fb87d464e2ePost:09171296-1491-4325-9df1-69736de869c6">Order at the church</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay- so I have decided to have the order my bridesmaids and groomsmen to stand at the church is by height... Which leaves my sister at the very end because she is tiny. My mom is offended by this, and says that the friends I have standing closer to me and are more "new friends" will appear to be valued more than her. I have decided to place them in a different order at the head table while we eat- which to me is more important because that is where you spend your time, and have to interact with those sitting beside you... Is my Mom over reacting as I feel she is???
Posted by hcheram[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think it's a big deal. But technically, if your sis is on the end because she is the shortest, you could also swap it so that the shortest girt is next to you and the tallest girl is furthest away.</div><div>
</div><div>And another thing, you really won't be spending much time at the table. I think we spent 20 minutes there.</div>

Licia&Wayne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_order-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:56946c44-d40a-43cc-ada7-6fb87d464e2ePost:09171296-1491-4325-9df1-69736de869c6">Order at the church</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay- so I have decided to have the order my bridesmaids and groomsmen to stand at the church is by height... Which leaves my sister at the very end because she is tiny. My mom is offended by this, and says that the friends I have standing closer to me and are more "new friends" will appear to be valued more than her. I have decided to place them in a different order at the head table while we eat- which to me is more important because that is where you spend your time, and have to interact with those sitting beside you... Is my Mom over reacting as I feel she is???
Posted by hcheram[/QUOTE]

This seems like a weird situation. Why did you go with height order, if you don't mind me asking?

In the end, it doesn't really matter who stands where, they're all in your WP. I don't know that anyone looks at a wedding party and thinks, "Oh she must hate that girl on the end..." I think it is an overreation.

mbcdefg

I would explain to your mother that feelings would be hurt if you did it by order of "importance," and height is an arbitrary way of lining them up.

How does your sister feel about this? HER feelings matter most ... so if Sis is O.K. with this arrangement, I would tell Mom about this, and then kindly tell her to butt out.

But if Sis is upset, IMO it'd be worth it to just put her in another spot in the lineup. Your friends will understand because she's your sister - it's not like putting one friend ahead of the other. If I were a bridesmaid and the bride's sister was given a special spot or something like that, I would *totally* understand, because I'd know that family comes first and also that sometimes it's not worth putting up with family drama just to stick to your guns, know what I mean? And you can always say to the Friend BMs, "Sorry to change things up again, I just don't want my mom on my case. Please know that it's nothing personal."

suz62984

"oh mom you're being silly. I really like the height arrangement. It doesn't have anything to do with importance. Believe me...people will know the order is by height"  BEAN DIP!

I'm doing it by height and it will be obvious. It is not uncommon. Also, ditto stina. I can't imagine you will be spending hardly anytime at the head table. so that probably won't matter as much as the order of the ceremony.

duckie1905

I have never looked at the order of the WP and thought "wow, she must value the person on the end more than the person closest to her."

Unless your sister is upset I would probably just do it however you'd like.  But, you don't have to arrange people by height.

kmm2150

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_order-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:56946c44-d40a-43cc-ada7-6fb87d464e2ePost:803bcaea-a86b-481c-b055-416825b24c81">Re: Order at the church</a>:
[QUOTE]I would explain to your mother that feelings would be hurt if you did it by order of "importance," and height is an arbitrary way of lining them up. Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

I think this is a really good way to explain it/deal with the problem - I had friends from different parts of my life, and rather than even think about some sort of ranking system, I did height, tallest to shortest, and paired them up with groomsmen that way too - my 5'9' friend appreciated not walking down the aisle with the 5'5" guy.  no one is going to think your sister's on the end b/c you don't like her.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_order-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:56946c44-d40a-43cc-ada7-6fb87d464e2ePost:d8d576ce-527b-4c69-b9f4-b3569e58ee4b">Re: Order at the church</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never looked at the order of the WP and thought "wow, she must value the person on the end more than the person closest to her." Unless your sister is upset I would probably just do it however you'd like.  But, you don't have to arrange people by height.
Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]

<div>I worded this backwards.  What I meant to say was "she must value the person closest to her more than the person on the end." </div><div>
</div><div>My bad!</div>

Mrs.B6302007

Height shouldn't matter but have you considered shortest to tallest?  then she would be physically closer to you (after the MOH) as the shortest person in the WP.

banana468

I think by height is fine.  Keep it arbitrary.

And don't even worry about the head table arrangement.  People have height in their torsos or legs so you never know they'll look while seated.