How do I choose my bridesmaids...

clairebear21

My fiance and come from families with many woman.  I have two sisters, he has two sisters and 1 step-sister.  This is making choosing my bridesmaids very difficult.  Here's the deal.  I lived with his sister, Stephanie for a year, and we are very close.  His other sister, Lisa, lives abroad, and I love her, but only see her once in a while.  His step-sister, Jessica, doesn't really attend his family events, and I only see her once a year, once every 2 years.  We aren't at all close.  For my bridal party, I want my two sisters and my two friends.  As for his sisters, I don't know.  I want Stephi, but she thinks Lisa would be offended if I just asked her.  I don't really want a huge bridal party either.  I'm not planning on including JEssica, but I don't want to hurt her mother's feelings (fiance's stepmother), since I'm pretty close with her.  HELP!

suz62984

Ask the girls you are closest with! If your FI really wants his other sisters in the wedding then he can ask them to stand on his side. If you catch wind of any hurt feelings maybe you could have them do a reading, but other "jobs" like guest book attendant or giving out programs is a kind of BS job that will most likely look like a pity position. I wouldn't worry about the mom's feelings. Cross that bridge if you get to it.

CTGirl30

Wait until you are less than a year away from your wedding. Then, ask your closest friends / family members. If that means your 2 sisters and your 2 friends, that than is your bridal party.

If your FI wants to include his sisters, he can certainly ask them to stand on his side as groom's attendants. Mixed genderWPs are becoming quite common and there's no need to have people you're not really close with stand on your side simply b/c they also have vaginas.

If he doesn't feel like he's close enough to his sisters / there's no family expectations that siblings be in the WP and it would cause major drama for him not to ask them, then they could also do readings if you're incorporating those into your ceremony.

We didn't ask my husband's sister or SIL to be in our WP but we did ask them each to do a reading in our ceremony and it worked nicely for us.

gottahavashorti

Is it expected in your FI's family that all siblings will be included in the WP?  If so, he could ask his sisters, except for Stephanie if you want to ask her.

Otherwise, it's really up to you.

clairebear21

Hm, I don't know if it's "expected."  I guess I always just thought it was something you should do for your future sibs-in law.  I think it would be awkard for FI to have his two sisters on his side.  Particularly Jessica, who he doesn't have a good relationship with.  What do you guys think about just giving those two special flowers or something?  Are there any other honorable "jobs" at a wedding?

gottahavashorti

Doing a reading, or bringing up the gifts if you're Catholic.  Most other stuff is a job and not an honor.

CTGirl30

Let your FI decide if it would be awkard or not.

No - special flowers are silly and jobs such as guestbook attendant are not honors.  Either they're in the WP, doing readings, or guests.

clairebear21

Thanks for the helpful advice.  I talked to FI last night who doesn't want his sisters on his side, but thinks it would be ok if I just had Steph as a b-maid.  I like the idea of having them process and seat them in the 1st/2nd row.  Good idea.

THANK YOU