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jealous bridesmaids :(

rachelearachelea
500 Comments
in Wedding Party
More or less I am just needing to vent...

Before I ever got engaged, I knew my best friend had some jealousy issues with another of my closest friends. She wanted it made clear that SHE was my best friend, and not this other girl. Both are extremely important people to me, but I assured her to not freak out over it. My best friend is now my maid of honor and the other girl is my first bridesmaid. I thought the "title" was enough to show her once and for all she's number one and to stop stressing, because the other girl has absolutely zero issues.

...major MAJOR bridesmaid drama. Long story short, my best friend moved across the country right before I got engaged, both maid of honor and first bridesmaid don't live nearby. My bridesmaid was visiting for a few days and she works for a major event planner so she had a lot of input. She took it upon herself, which was completley fine with me, to email my other bridesmaids (MOH included) about some things we discussed.

...did NOT go over well with MOH. She and I had a big texting war over her jealousy issues and she proclaiming she didn't want to be MOH anymore because this other girl was stepping into her territory. I have been an extremely laid back and easy going bride...I never in a million years thought I would have to be emailing my MOH assuring our friendship and her role...isn't she supposed to be the one helping ME through meltdowns...?!?
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Re: jealous bridesmaids :(

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If she was always jealous and clingy, I don't know why you expected her to be anything but jealous and clingy as your MOH.  I would talk to her about the friendship--sounds like there were always a few issues there.  And I would ask myself what I'm getting out of a relationship with someone like this.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    You know how they say alcohol intensifies a person's true personality?  I think the same is true for the MOH position.  If she offered to step down, I would probably take her up on it.  I'm 4 days from my wedding and can tell you that the last thing I'd want to deal with right now is a jealous, clingy MOH.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    tldh I didn't know you were getting married in 4 days!  Congrats!
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited September 2010
    If she was always the jealous type then she was never going to change for your wedding, even if you named her the queen MOH and your other friend was given the title of last BM.

    First of all, stop battling it out via text message.  Pick up the phone and call her.  Tell her that you love her but as an adult you have no time to continue to reassure her regarding the security of your friendship.  Relay to her that you'd love to have her still be your MOH and that you hope to see her at the wedding.  Then, put the ball in her court and let her make the decision and remove yourself.

    Do not play her games.  Don't argue with her.  Don't upset yourself by being her reassurance.

    I would continue to not feed into her issues after the wedding.  If she isn't secure in the friendship and you have given her no reason to be uncomfortable then those are HER issues and not yours.  There is no reason that you should have to go to such great lengths to make her feel special.  Real friendship is reciprocal and doesn't usually involve one having to offer the other constant reassurance.

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  • rachelearachelea
    500 Comments
    update...

    Figured out what the issue was. Without getting ALL the details, because some of it is surprise stuff for me, I found out that the reason my MOH was upset is because my other bridesmaid was saying stuff was planned without consulting my MOH. She felt overstepped in her role. She had a tift with me because she didn't want to tick off the other girl, and she and I can deal with each others craziness. Its not uncommon for the two of us to go a little drama crazy with each other because we know we can handle it. We've both lost our cool and used the other as someone to vent to previously. Neither of us have sisters and we're as close as either of us gets. It got to me like it hasn't before though because its my wedding, not something simple!

    Anyway, its all worked out and I just let her know that she's gonna have to stake her territory (and I already alerted the other bridesmaid to run things by me or the MOH if it concerns a surprise for me before she sends mass emails to all my bridesmaids).

    ...I just find it entertaining that everyone thought I would be a bridezilla and I'm as far from it as I think I can get, yet the drama is still there Tongue out
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