two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant

firestar-2

Assuming I'm not banned already... Firstly, I'll apologise to the Knot Gods for calling the OP an idiot. I don't know if the word has stronger meaning across the pond...? Over here it's extremely tame considering the words I could have used [and deliberately "bit my tongue" on, as I flat out knew they'd get me banned]. I honestly don't consider it to be a word of issue. Secondly, this is a subject that seriously strikes with me right now, as mentioned before, I have a two month old myself, and simply can't imagine being told that my pregnancy was an inconvenience for the sake of a PPD. I can't even begin how Retread must feel, reading stuff like this, and admit, she handled it a lot better than I. Thirdly, I feel I did actually give some good advice in the later half of my post. I'd never blindly swing out and not follow it up with a possible fix. Lastly, I agree with the others that we need to be told which posts in particular are considered offensive. Personally, I don't find "idiot" to be a remotely problematic word, and so if I'm not told it is, then I'd end up getting myself banned without knowing why. I do think it's a shame that this site has come to this. Back when I had a wedding to plan, I joined this site a posted a question with some silly idea about a dove release. I was shot down, and fast, by the regs, and rightly so. I scrapped the idea, wandered off to lick my wounds, then came back and contributed to the community. It was the regs, as they were, that made me realise how awful my idea was. Now they have to pussyfoot around for fear of crushing feelers, and new people will carry on thinking their idea can't seriously be "that bad".

artbyallie

Yay Irene! I think I kind of like you. You seem to have good intentions and I hope TK keeps you around.

KnotIrene

First, 84178375002651 you are not banned so don't worry.  

No one's likely to get banned for one post.  It's helpful to know that different words carry different connotations in different countries.

During this time period we're just trying to make people aware of what not to do so it never happens that they are banned.

Second, thanks artbyallie!  I enjoy getting to know everyone.

Peledreamsofrain

Knot Irene,

I was really worried about the future direction of TK after the little dustup last week, but today I feel a lot better.  You've been very open, answered questions, and listened to both sides.  I appreciate that, and I know others do too.  Thank you.

firestar-2

Is it just me or is my SN suddenly a whole bunch of numbers? WTH? Anyhow. I appreciate what you say, stage, and I get that calling someone a name is an insult. I did find this post insulting, however. Of course, we could swap insults until the end of time and both be no better off, and it was childish of me to retaliate, she just riled me up the wrong way after two months of no sleep, and nine months of letting hormones rule the roost. I'm not gonna delete or edit my post, unless a Knot God requires me to. I said what I said and it stands. I will, however, be sure not to have to repeat this conversation in any way, shape or form in the future. And thanks to KI for the explanation. Although I still don't know if my SN is numbers for everyone, or just for me...

beardownbchs

No it's definitely numbers. And it says this is only your second post. 

StephJean83

OP, my wedding is November of 2014 and I plan on asking my sister to be a BM. She and I talk/hang out weekly and she told me that she and her DH are planning to try for baby 2 next summer. She will hopefully be pregnant and my only thought was, "Sweet, darling Niece will make such a good big sister." Why don't I care that my sister is trying to get pregnant? Because it is NBD. She will drink OJ as I consume a mimosa. My wedding is one day but her baby is my niece/nephew for life.

winelover123

OP, my FSIL (who is a BM) is pregnant and is due a few days after my wedding (hopefully she'll make it). When she told her family, my FBIL's FI kicked her out of her BP on the spot. I can't really write what we say about her, because it'll probably get me banned. So, obviously, it was not taken well. I told FSIL that we'll have to get her another dress because I, like you, bought all the BM dresses a year out. The good thing is that they were only $60, so I have no problem getting her a different one and I'll keep her dress because I really like it and we're the same size :-D Seriously, no big deal.

As for the alcohol "issue" - you do know that they make non-alcoholic champagne and wine, right? It's what FSIL drinks when we all get together. Seriously, what your pregnant/trying to get pregnant BMs (or any of them really) consume is none of your business anyways, so why on earth are you worried? Your reaction, like FBIL's FI, to your BMs getting pregnant is seriously disturbing.

rachelm13

My wedding is in 26 days, my MOH is 4 almost 5 months with #2.  I.CAN'T.WAIT. to meet her new one.  Especially after she had a scary experience at my b-party.  The girls are in black dresses with Tiffany blue pasminas.  She did not plan on getting pregnant but any baby is a gift as I see it.  What does that mean for my wedding day?  NADA.  She will show up in a dress that is comfortable for her if she can't fit in the one she currently has.  There will be a seat for her on the alter if she needs and she will do as she pleases at the reception.  Other than that, I get a new wee one to spoil and hopefully after the wedding if I am lucky my own. 

Retread, thanks for sharing your story, hugs!

Viczaesar

Knot Irene, thank you for clarifying your post and engaging in discussion about the issue with the members here.  I for one really appreciate it.

KnotIrene

Thanks Pele and Viczaesar and others.  If anyone needs me for anything just post anywhere (I wander) or PM me.

ladytori

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:043057ad-4e19-4662-8827-56ff48b24ab3">two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]uuuuuuugggghhhhh!!! After picking out my my four bridesmaids two of the four are trying to get pregant! One just found out she is the other is hoping to be pregant by summer.  My wedding isn't untill april 2014  but this throws a real wrench in the wedding plans one this is making dress shopping a nightmare. The conversation is mostly about pregancy and nursing rather than bridal and wedding. Second there is no way to judge what will fit and no one can agree on type now.  <strong>Third at this point I dont feel like they are going to have a very good time if one has a new born and another is 6 months or more pregant. Would it be wrong of me to univite them has bridemaids</strong>
Posted by amouse83[/QUOTE]

And the dilemma is? I had two BM who were both pregnant on our wedding day. We found beautiful dresses for them, and they looked gorgeous in the pictures. Why should they hold up their family plans for one day?

I don't understand why you would even consider kicking these ladies out of your wedding. Are you concerned about them wearing a dress? They are maternity dresses. Are you concerned about their baby bump in pictures? They will have beautiful pregnancy glows, and they will look stunning.

The only reason why your BMs wouldn't have a good time is because you are annoyed because they are having kids.

kristingregwedding

My MOH (my sister) is pregnant.  When we went dress shopping, she was almost 7 months pregnant.  She had no problem trying on a dress and ordering a dress.  She tried on a dress, then ordered it 2 sizes smaller.. perfect solution.  By the time my wedding happens in Oct, my niece will be 5 months old and my sister will still be breastfeeding/pumping if she can.  Thats not going to stop her from having fun!

 And just because you are having an "alcohol planned event", doesn't mean everyone has to have alcohol.  What would you do if someone doesn't drink? Not invite them??

Berry327

My sister (and MOH), who lives 1000 miles away from me, is due the week after my wedding. It is *highly* unlikely that she will be at the wedding. She is still my MOH. She is recording her speech, and we will try to Skype/Facetime her into the wedding. NEVER did I think of kicking her out, even knowing she probably won't even be able to attend. Am I disappointed that she won't be at my wedding? Yes, but it is one day. I am MORE excited to be an aunt and godmother, which is for life. Get your priorities in order, OP. These are supposedly your best friends.

Knottie_22382733

My going to offer my two cents, I don't think there is anything wrong with getting a dress this early, when I read that I felt OP was being very thoughtful of the BP, that way their expenses are spread out. Plus what if you find one that you love and can't promise that it'll be there in 6 months?

I think that you need to sit down with you BP, explain that you are very happy for them and the path that their lives are taking, but when you are dress shopping and such that their main focus needs to be taking care of the dresses. Then afterwards you all can go get lunch and talk all they like about babies and such.

I don't think that a baby trumps a wedding ever, I think that it depends on the person. Take me, I can't have children, I won't have kindergarten, graduation, saying their first words, watching my child grow up, or grandchildren. I feel that my biggest milestone in my life is my wedding and any anniversary I have because of it. I don't feel that my wedding is only one day, I feel that my wedding is a celebration  of my furure husband and I finding eachother and spending the rest of our lives together.

OP if you want to damage or possibly destory your relationship with this women, then kick them out. If you want them to stand by you on your day than expain your feelings to feel to them, but you need to be respectful, they shouldn't nor are they going to put their lives on hold for you. They deserve to be happy to.

Knottie_22382452

Retread has it right on. The wedding is just one day. It's the day you profess your love in front of your family and close friends. There are people that want to avoid the "hooplah" and instead they get married at the courthouse which is great as well, different strokes for different folks. The point is that the wedding isn't going to be celebrated everyday for the rest of your life publicly like it is this one day. At the end of the day regardless of wedding or not, all that matters is the love and devotion between two people. The worst thing people can do is dwell on how "wrong" something went on their wedding day whether its catering mishaps, guests that didn't show etc, because all that needs to be remembered is your presence and your faces lighting up as you say "I do".

Knottie_22381998

I'm going to respectfully disagree, I don't think a wedding is just one day, if people put it that way then why would you even bother with spending the money and such. To me it's about you creating lasting memories with people you care about.

Like other posts says said the OP needs to sit down with her friends and talk it out, if she wants to continue their friendships. She needs to be respectful of their feelings and situations, just as they need to be to her. If she feels like thay aren't (which she obviously does) then she needs to explain.
 
Feelings are never wrong, you feel the way you do for a reason, how you chose to handle it can be wrong.

Knottie_22382452

I think you missed my point along with retread's point. The reason we say its one day is because a friendship isn't worth ruining over a wedding but it can and does in cases. That is where the one day comment comes into play. If that makes sense, I'm sorry the heart of the message came out muttled.

Knottie_22382733

Weddings and funerals bring out the best or worst in people. Sometimes it takes a life change for you to see who's really a friend. If OP really does feel like they are being insensative to her then she needs to talk to them, and see if it's her making a mountian out of a mole hill, or if she is better off with different friends. Same goes for her friends. Either way the only way anything is going to change is for her to talk to them.

amouse83

The only reason I brought up the issue is because I can't take all the complaining
I care for my bridesmaids two are like sisters to me one is going to be my new sister in law. But I do have a lot on my plate. I need my wedding to be planned by june ore july I know this seems early. But  I dont have any time for it in the fall. in August my FI is taking step 2 of the medical boards and this fall he will be interviewing for residency programs while I finish my masters in nursing education while applying and interviewing to nurse anesthetists schools.  On top of this I work 48 hours a week as a nurse in a cardiac surgery ICU my bridesmaids except for the FSIL are nurses as well at different hospitals.   It is really hard for all of us to get together.  I really wanted red and cream for my wedding colors only one bridesmaid liked the color and everytime I got to talk to one or more of them all I hear is how they dont like the color its too dark, you cant wear red in spring, red is a formal color, you cant wear red in the middle of the day. ( so I change it in hopes of making them happy)  The two other are compliaing about how big they might be, how they cant drink, what if its hot, what if its cold ,money issues I cant wear heels, (outdoor wedding).  I just want to have happy bridesmaids and enjoyable wedding.  My issue is that I have bridesmaids that are complaing about everything
I posted to the boards looking for advice, not looking  judgmental people who like to attack/judge others  

Atlossforwords

I hope I didn't come off to you as judgmental. Have you told them "this is the color, here's the fabric, pick a dress you will be comfortable in". That way you are allowing them to pick comfortable dresses for pregnancy or not, but stand firm ground on your theme and colors, you should not be asked to budge on that from anyone but your FI. If they complain about shoes, tell them to pick a pair from what they have already example: black if that's closest to being neutral for your theme. If they are pregnant the wedding will still go on.