Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaid issue.

NickiAyon2B

Okay. Recently engaged. The fiance's 2 sisters and sister in law are like the 3 musketeers. They basically already assumed they are going to be bridesmaids but the problem is that me and him never ever planned to have a big bridal party. Just me and my maid of honor (who's been my best friend since we were *4 years old*) and his brother, the best man.

I want to ask the 3 to be in the wedding but I'm already annoyed because one of the sisters just absolutely does not understand my relationship with my best friend. She is like a sister to me, especially compared to them. The sister doesn't have any friends at all so it really annoys me that before we've even asked them to be in it that she's already making snarky comments about my best friend, never mind that she's the only that that is officially in the wedding so far. Plus, me and the sister do not have the best past relationships.

What the heck do I do???/

SarahPLiz

YOu are getting lots of answers on the Etiquette board, but you will get the same answers here. Lots of people read both boards.

banana468

I think you need to talk to your FI to see how you want his family involved.

Instead of asking them to be BMs, would asking all three of them to do a reading be a fair solution?

And whatever you decide, your FI should be there to support your decision to his family.

banana468

Also, when you post the same thing on two boards, remember to write XP (short for Cross Post) so people know that you're asking the same question on more than one board.

Just a little knottie lingo/etiquette for you.  :-)

mbcdefg

If you and your FI do not want them in the wedding party, just say something like, "We really just want to keep it to one person apiece and keep things simple. We can't possibly include everyone we love. I hope you understand." (Or, ideally, your FI should be telling them this since they're HIS family, that way they don't place the blame squarely on you.)

If your FI want to include them, then they can wear black dresses and stand on his side as his attendants. They need not be your attendants just because they're women.

Also, since you are recently engaged, I'm betting that you don't have many solid plans in place yet, right? In that case, it's not a wise idea to ask anyone to be in your wedding right now. For now, your main concerns should be setting a budget and booking ceremony and reception sites - your date will not be set until the contracts are signed and the deposits are made. You can tell the sisters, "We aren't even thinking of a wedding party yet ... we're still on cloud 9 from the engagement and we have a LOT of other things to sort out first!" Then change the subject.

SocialWorker2B

So do you or do you not want them to be in the wedding? If the sister is badmouthing your BFF and your relationship with her, and they are all in the WP, the process is not going to go well!

First things first, get your FI on board. He needs to support you although it sounds like he does. If you don't want them in the wedding, just say what you said here - you have your heart set on a small party and you can't possibly include everyone that is important to you.

Like other people have said, your FI can have them on his side, they can be ushers, they can be readers, or they can be guests with corsages.

Good luck! Stay strong and don't let them bully you into doing something you really don't want to do. :-)

trix1223

If you really don't want them in your WP, stick to your guns and have your friend as your only attendant.

And I agree that your FI needs to be involved in this as well as it's his sisters, SIL.  He can have them on his side as attendants if he thinks they should be involved.  WPs are NOT about symmetry or gender anymore, thank goodness.

You can have them be readers.  You can have them as ushers.  If you're having a Catholic mass, they can bring up the gifts.  Or they can be guests, just as all of your other family will be. 

Please don't give them pity jobs:  guest book attendant, cake cutter, punch pourer, or heaven forbid:  personal attendant.  Those jobs just scream "I didn't want you in the WP, so I'm making up this so you'll think you're included."

This is just the first of many decisions in which you might get second guessed.  If you feel really strongly about this, then stick to your guns now.  It will help later.