How to pick wedding paty members? (I fully accept that this is trivial to everyone but me, lol)

harpsdesire

I'm having a really hard time selecting my wedding party.  I have a good number of friends, I guess, but I'm just not a person who gets close to people, and none of my friends are geographically close either.

I have one sister who I have a somewhat fraught relationship with (but love lots underneath it all).   I was a bridesmaid for her, and even though we clash there's very little question that I'm including her in my WP. (Unless we kill each other during the planning process, lol)

I have one pretty-close friend who I adore, but honestly... she is a drama magnet.  I know she really wants to be in the wedding, and I want her to be included, but I can't imagine getting through something as stressful as a wedding without some kind of over the top DRAMAZ involving her.  I love her greatly dispite her troublesome tendencies, and the drama doesn't (generally) stem from her being a jerk, but it seems to coalesce around her for some reason.  Also, I fear to get her too close to my sister, as they are quite possibly incompatible.

I have 3 college friends, equally close, and if any one of them is included the others will question why they got left out.  None of them had me in their weddings, although some of them included each other.  That's probably not relevant as there are no hard feelings over it.

Two childhood friends, one from kindergarten (seriously) who I've rather grown apart from although we used to be very close, and one from highschool who had me in her wedding but we haven't seen much of each other in a few years as she moved far away. Her husband may or may not be a groomsman.

How can I pick?!  I'm not concerned about uneven sides, but I do want at least 1-2 people to stand up with me, as my FI has at least 4 people he would like to ask and I don't want to be all alone on my side.

I know this is utterly trivial to the rest of the world, and I should just figure it out myself, but writing it out helps me to think it out, and you can all enjoy being an audience to my ridiculous dilemma!

Maggie0829

First, just because some of the women had you in their wedding does not mean that you need to invite them to be in yours...weddings are not tit for tat.

Second, your BMs do not have to be friends with each other or even like each other...this is about you having the people who mean most of you standing next to you on the day of your wedding...not having everyone become one great group of friends.

Third, don't even worry about their geographical location because this shouldn't even be a reason to not ask someone.

Fourth, being invited to the wedding is an honor as well so don't feel like you need to include everyone you mentioned.

Honestly, I think you should ask your sister and your "drama magnet" friend.  It seems like these are the two that you are closest too and want in your wedding, the rest sound like you would rather have them as guests.  I know you said that she and your sister are incompatible but they don't have to be friends...heck they don't even have to like each other...all they need to do is act like adults and realize that this isn't about them it is about you and they will hopefully be respectful to one another.  As for the "drama", don't let yourself be dragged into it because if it doesn't pertain to you then don't worry about it.

Kate61487

Ditto Maggie on pretty much everything.  I also wanted to add that if there are guys you feel closer to you can have them stand up also - it doesn't have to be all girls anymore. 

Also - you can avoid some drama by not having too high of expectations of your girls.  All they have to do it buy the dress and show up sober.  I'm not trying to imply you'd go all bridezilla on them making them do things, but the less you talk wedding the less likely there is to be wedding drama :-) 

cebrady89

I think if you're in doubt, the smaller the number the better. Choose the girls you cannot envision NOT being part of your wedding - don't worry about if they get along or where they live, or if you were in their wedding. It's your choice.

AurorasEnvy

Pretty much ditto what everyone else said.  As for your drama magnet friend, I'd only discuss the wedding related things you have to with her - dress, shoes, jewelry, rehearsal dinner.  Otherwise I'd just avoid the topic.  Your sister and your friend probably won't have to meet except for dress shopping, rehearsal dinner, and the wedding so hopefully they be tolerate being around each other 3 times!

Other than that....give it a good, long thought.  I'd wait to ask anyone until you absolutely have to.

cindyn9178

I'd be worried that if you don't ask the drama llama, she might cause drama!

harpsdesire

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pick-wedding-paty-members-fully-accept-this-trivial-everyone-but-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5c7acd3e-0c3b-433a-855f-c12409f92720Post:107a380f-7705-4abf-88dc-2f76e125f5c1">Re: How to pick wedding paty members? (I fully accept that this is trivial to everyone but me, lol)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd be worried that if you don't ask the drama llama, she might cause drama!
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I'm worried about, but it also doesn't seem like a good reason to ask her.

Also, I have never planned a party without being stressed, including, to the best of my recollection, my childhood birthday parties. :P

kipnus

I feel like you can't go wrong with siblings. I'm having my four siblings as attendants--if I had to pick friends, it would be too difficult. If I only had one or two siblings, I would probably just have one or two attendants. Much less hassle. I've had so many good friends that I've lost touch with--I think it would be weird to look back later at wedding photos of someone who I hadn't spoken to in five years...