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Wedding Party

1-year-old as ring bearer?

Groom's nephew will be 1 when we get married, and that side of the family suggests using him as ring bearer. My parents say absolutely not. Groom and his parents disagree. I'm caught in the middle! Don't have a strong opinion either way.

Background: wedding is halfway across country, very formal in a large church (long aisle to walk down), no other children invited. No flower girl. Oh and 1-year-old's dad will be in bridal party, so mom would be doing the work. Nephew will probably be able to walk then.

I'd love to hear from other brides as well as from parents!

Re: 1-year-old as ring bearer?

  • My take:  unless the member of the WP can get themselves down the aisle on their own, AND use words to tell what their role is in the wedding, and why they're doing it, they're too young.

    A 1 year old won't care if he's in the WP.  Tell your FI's family that you'll take lots of photos with the little fellow but stick to your guns.  It's just not appropriate for an infant to be in a WP.

    FWIW:  Babies walk when they walk.  My son didn't walk until 16 months old.  One DD walked at 11 months.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I don't think it's a big deal to list him in the program, have his parents dress him in something cute, and have someone carry him down the aisle and hold him for a couple formal shots. (And I imagine he'd be held in at least a few formal family shots, right?)


    If your idea of a ring bearer is more complicated than that, though ... or if you are the type who wouldn't be able to laugh it off if he screamed the entire way down the aisle ... then I would not ask him. I personally don't enjoy it when wedding-related stuff turns into a production, especially when it involves someone so young that they have no clue what's happening and will have no memory of it when they get older. We didn't have kids in our wedding because there were too many to choose from and we didn't want to worry about rounding up kids or getting them dressed.


    But if your fiance wants him as ring bearer, then I think that that should be the deciding factor. If there's any kind of work or drama involved, leave it up to your fiance if he wants a ring bearer so badly.

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  • Both of my girls would have been fully capable of walking down an aisle as flowergirls at 1 :) But it really depends on the child, what do his parents think?
  • In Response to Re: 1-year-old as ring bearer?:
    [QUOTE]My take:  unless the member of the WP can get themselves down the aisle on their own, AND use words to tell what their role is in the wedding, and why they're doing it, they're too young. A 1 year old won't care if he's in the WP.  Tell your FI's family that you'll take lots of photos with the little fellow but stick to your guns.  It's just not appropriate for an infant to be in a WP. FWIW:  Babies walk when they walk.  My son didn't walk until 16 months old.  One DD walked at 11 months.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
    This is my take as well.  He'll be dressed up cute and have people paying attention to him all day, regardless if he has an official title, right?  That's about as far as he'll have any concept of being involved.  I think that baby attendants are just asking for complications.
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  • You could always make the decision when it gets closer to the actual day. Babies can be so unpredictable, he could begin walking at ten months and be "well behaved" enough to get his "job" done. But he may not even be walking then... if he isn't walking or it looks like he won't be able to do his "job" and FI's family really wants him in the wedding you could have one of your BM or his mom push him in a decorated stroller or something. Another thing to consider is if he is walking then and seems capable of walking down the isle alone how are you going to feel if he does throw a fit during the ceremony? Would you be extremely embarrassed or upset about a crying baby ruining your ceremony? Or just say oh well we tried and let him sit with his mom during the ceremony?

    Also it all depends on the child's personality... when my sister got married her future step son was the ring bearer, he was 5 at the time and he really didn't want to do it because he is often shy around people and being the center of attention,. My sister and her DH decided they would try to have him do it but if on the day of he changed his mind then it wouldn't be a big deal. In the end he loved it!

    So IMO wait it out, you still have plenty of time to decide...
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  • Good advice all, thanks everyone!
  • too young IMO. I wouldn't have him walk either. He would need to be carried. Also, no other children in the wedding or coming too it? Other parents might be offended to see this baby there.
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  • Yeah that's the other weird thing. No other kids are invited at all to the wedding. So I'm not sure if we can / should invite the nephew or not, if he doesn't end up being ring bearer.

    The only point I see to having him there is for pictures and for our personal enjoyment, but I worry it will be a lot of work for the mom and that it would be easier if they left him with the in-laws. Not like we'll spend time with him that day really, or like the kid will remember or care. Also pretty sure my parents don't want any kids that age in attendance, period (I can't tell my mom to 'just deal' with a crying baby in the ceremony. It doesn't bother me but if she hates it, she hates it. I might hate it more if it actually happened myself, don't know). They are paying so my parents opinions count. But so do mine and my fiance's of course. Thoughts?
  • I think that infants are the exception to the no-kids rule (we had an "adult" wedding with a 5mo and a 9mo in attendance), but past 12 months, it could go either way.  Where do the kid's parents stand on the issue?  Would they be willing to leave him with the grandparents for the night?
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • No reasonable adult would hold a grudge over not inviting a baby to a wedding.  And don't underestimate how much the parents might really want a baby-free night to drink wine, spend time with other adults, and maybe even get some "private time" with each other.  Plus grandma will probably just die to get the kid for the weekend.

    I just don't see peoples' feelings genuinely getting hurt over this and, if they are, it's not reasonable.
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  • I'm shaky on this. I wouldn't want to cause family problems by saying he can't come; however I don't care for kids and a crying babies suck at weddings. The good thing is that you and your mother will be so wrapped up in the ceremony that you won't notice the kid crying. The bad news, it might hurt other people's feelings. I would probably have FI (its his family right?) ask that they not bring the child. If they refuse and it causes problems just give in. Like PPs said, infants are a little different than kids. They need more care than a babysitter can give sometimes.
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  • In Response to Re: 1-year-old as ring bearer?:
    [QUOTE]too young IMO. I wouldn't have him walk either. He would need to be carried. Also, no other children in the wedding or coming too it? Other parents might be offended to see this baby there.
    Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

    Both of my girls were walking well before 12 months, it really depends on the child.
  • Yeah...she just said that the aisle was really long. Probably not a good idea to have a 1 year old trying to walk that by himself.
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  • A one year old wouldn't be able to walk down the aisle unassisted because he wouldn't understand where he's going and why and--look a balloon!  Oh there's mommy!  Run!
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  • In Response to Re: 1-year-old as ring bearer?:
    [QUOTE]A one year old wouldn't be able to walk down the aisle unassisted because he wouldn't understand where he's going and why and--look a balloon!  Oh there's mommy!  Run!
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Again, not all kids are the same. One year olds are/ can be smarter than you are giving them credit for.
  • Yours I'm sure are in a class by themselves.  But your average, typical one year old wouldn't be able to do it.
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  • In Response to Re: 1-year-old as ring bearer?:
    [QUOTE]Yours I'm sure are in a class by themselves.  But your average, typical one year old wouldn't be able to do it.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Do you have a kid? My kids aren't the only ones who could do it, if you had a child and a birthboard you would know that. But thanks for that poor attempt at a dig, it was cute!
  • I'm the oldest of 17 cousins.  I have an excellent idea of what one year olds are and are not capable of.  And that wasn't any sort of dig--I'm sure your kids are in a class by themselves.
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  • I majored in Child Development and Family Science and I'm telling you that it is a rare TWO year old that could complete this task on his or her own, let alone a one year old. I'm not saying impossible, but highly improbable.
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  • In Response to Re: 1-year-old as ring bearer?:
    [QUOTE]I think brooke was paying you a compliment, not a dig.  But way to be overly sensitive. I have 7 nieces and nephews on DH's side and am in the middle of the age spread for 17 grandchildren (at least 6 of whom I've known from birth).  Of those kids, less than half could walk unassisted by age one, and of THOSE there are maybe 2 that I could see possibly traversing a long aisle alone with people staring at them the entire time. The others would have frozen, burst into tears, or stopped 1/2way down when they got to their favorite aunt/cousin/babysitter and plopped down in their lap. No one is saying that it's impossible that a 1 yr old could do it.  Just that it's highly unlikely and if the bride is worried about the possibility (some could care less if their adorable FG or RB inadvertently steal the show for a minute or two or make a scene), then it's better to be safe than sorry.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Brooke likes to follow all my posts and tell everyone that my advice is crap and so on, so I'm sure it was a dig.  Nieces and nephews aren't the same as your own kids, I don't care if you have 100 cousins, still not the same. My oldest was walking proficiently by 10 months, my youngest at 7 months. Both knew over a couple dozen words in sign language, and a few spoken. My oldest is a actress, to put it nicely, she loves being in front of people and hamming it up, she always has, she would have no problem walking an aisle. My youngest would walk ok if I was at the other end of the aisle, and while she is much more shy, she doesn't have an issue with stage freight either. My girls are average, they don't do anything that any of the mothers with kids of similar age do.

    The OP asked for a parents advice also, and that is my advice. Talk to the parents of the child when it is closer, and see what they think. They will know what his personality is by then, and whether he is capable of the feat :)
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
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    edited August 2010
    I'm not the only one who points out your advice is bad, and I don't follow you around post to post, board to board.  I post here 99% of the time, so if you post here and I see it and think it's crappy, I'm going to say so.  Don't post on WP if you want to avoid me--I rarely, if ever, leave this board.  Stalking you would be following you from board to board and insulting you, not offering better advice.

    I call out EVERYONE who gives crappy advice.  You are no different.  You're just a repeat offender.

    And just because I think your advice is crap doesn't mean I'm going to insult your kids (which I think is the third rail on TK).  Stop being overly sensitive.
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  • YOU DECIDE!  It's YOUR wedding!  My sister had a 1 year old bearer and her daughter was the 10 month olf flower girl.  She decorated a radio flyer wagon with toole and flowers (fake) fir the kids to be pulled down the aisle.  It was super sweet, and there's a great picture of my niece passed out in the wagon after the ceremony.
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  • I don't see what's wrong w/it.  My niece will be 15 mos. when I get married & she's my FG.  I went to a wedding last year where the flowergirl was also 15 mos. & she was able to walk down although her dad did walk w/her holding her hand.  Both my FG's, parents are in the wedding so if anything I might have my MOH (sister/FG's mom) walk down together.
  • I've been a nanny before... let me tell you there's a solid chance he won't be walking.  
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