Bridal party self-invite

kellybsoontobec · December 2011

Hello Brides,
     I need a suggestion on how to handle a long time friend that has requested/demanded to be a part of the wedding party. A friend of mine has said for the last 3.5 years while I was dating my BF (now fiance) that when I got married she was going to be the matron of honor. Our friendship has waxed and wained over the years as we are in very different stages of our lives (she is ~18 years older than me). I'm graduating with my doctorate soon, so school has been my focus for the last six years; she started a family a few years ago, so our lives have been very different. She actually hasnt even met my fiance (even though we have dated for 3.5 years). She had expressed negative feelings toward him because he came from an affluent family, but since we have been engaged only has nice things to say about him. I have already chosen my bridal party.
   I have thought carefully about who I wanted to be in my wedding party long before my fiance and I got engaged. I chose five friends that are all very different, but similar in age. The five girlfriends I chose will interact well and will have fun together. My older friend that requested to be part of the bridal party just wouldn't mesh with the other girls.
   I have not come out and announced to her that I have made my decision on the bridal party, however, she is hinting at it from time to time. I dont want to hurt her feelings and offend her. We work at the same weekend job when I'm home from breaks and I dont want to lose that connection either.
Also, some time ago we had planned on me being the Godmother of her first child. When her child was born we weren't as close and she asked her cousin to be the Godmother. To this day, we have never discussed how I was supposed to be the Godmother. Although, to be honest, I think that situation worked out well.....so do I avoid the bridal party deets or address the issue head on with her?

staceycaine · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-self-invite-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f8be615-c838-40da-89ff-495367095b69Post:d5bf5d7c-ca74-468f-8d34-d6b575806214">Bridal party self-invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Brides, I need a suggestion on how to handle a long time friend that has requested/demanded to be a part of the wedding party. A friend of mine has said for the last 3.5 years while I was dating my BF (now fiance) that when I got married she was going to be the matron of honor. Our friendship has waxed and wained over the years as we are in very different stages of our lives (she is ~18 years older than me). I'm graduating with my doctorate soon, so school has been my focus for the last six years; she started a family a few years ago, so our lives have been very different. She actually hasnt even met my fiance (even though we have dated for 3.5 years). She had expressed negative feelings toward him because he came from an affluent family, but since we have been engaged only has nice things to say about him. I have already chosen my bridal party. <strong>I have thought carefully about who I wanted to be in my wedding party long before my fiance and I got engaged. I chose five friends that are all very different, but similar in age. The five girlfriends I chose will interact well and will have fun together. My older friend that requested to be part of the bridal party just wouldn't mesh with the other girls.</strong> I have not come out and announced to her that I have made my decision on the bridal party, however, she is hinting at it from time to time. I dont want to hurt her feelings and offend her. We work at the same weekend job when I'm home from breaks and I dont want to lose that connection either. Also, some time ago we had planned on me being the Godmother of her first child. When her child was born we weren't as close and she asked her cousin to be the Godmother. To this day, we have never discussed how I was supposed to be the Godmother. Although, to be honest, I think that situation worked out well.....so do I avoid the bridal party deets or address the issue head on with her?
Posted by kellybsoontobec[/QUOTE]

This is not important at all when choosing your bridal party. I'll have a friend from high school, college, work, and another friend, as well as my FI's sister. High school friend and college friend know each other. Work friend and "other" friend know each other. But the two "sets" don't know each other, and FI's sister knows none of them. It's about how close YOU are to THEM.

Which, by the way, seems like you aren't all that close to her, so THAT is a good reason to not have her. Old promises sometimes don't count. Especially in this situation. I would just not mention anything, and if she brings it up and corners you, I'd be inclined to say SOMETHING, but exactly what...I'm not sure.