Groomsen - Advice needed!

annmiyukim

My fiance and I are getting married this June. We have been engaged for two years now, but didn't start the planning process until this past summer so that we could focus on finishing school. That being said, my fiance has had plenty of time to decide on who his best man and groomsmen should be. I have decided to have one maid of honor and one bridesmaid, but rather than have two guys in his wedding party, he wants to have two groomsmen (his best friends from high school) and his best man (a college friend). I don't mind the asymmetry, but my problem is that he hasn't officially decided or told his friends what their duties are.

He doesn't want to choose between his two best friends, and so he has this idea that he should ask his college friend Chris to be his best man. Only problem is that Chris is teaching in South Korea, doesn't know if he can make it back in time for the wedding, and has a history of being unreliable and flaky. I really do like him, but I'm not crazy about having someone in our wedding party that we can't count on to be here in time for tux fittings, the bachelor party, and of course, the ceremony.

My fiance and I have been arguing about this for a while - he takes the typical guy approach and says everything will "turn out fine." I just want him to make up his mind already!

How do we come to an agreement about this?

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]Only problem is that Chris is teaching in South Korea, doesn't know if he can make it back in time for the wedding, and has a history of being unreliable and flaky. I really do like him, but I'm not crazy about having someone in our wedding party that we can't count on to be here in time for tux fittings, the bachelor party, and of course, the ceremony. My fiance and I have been arguing about this for a while - he takes the typical guy approach and says everything will "turn out fine." I just want him to make up his mind already! How do we come to an agreement about this?
Posted by annmiyukim[/QUOTE]

Listen to your FI on this one.  His duties are to attend the wedding and stand at the ceremony in the attire requested.  If he is unable to or opts not to do those things, your FI knows him and should already know that he is unreliable.  Despite that, he still wants this guy to be his BM and that is his decision. 

The worst thing that might happen is that he is unable to make it to the wedding but is listed in the program as the best man, and if anyone asks you can say that he is teaching abroad and was unfortunately unable to make it back in time for the wedding.

LarissaAnn

Let your FI pick his guys.  Hopefully the guy will make it back and all will be well.  By the way, you can also tell your FI that if he's that uncertain regarding best man, he doesn't actually have to pick and name one.  They can all 3 be groomsmen of equal stature.

As for tux fittings, you're fine.  Generally, tux shops will be ok with fittings all the way up to 2 weeks before the wedding (if the groomsman is flaky, don't tell him that - tell him a month).  If he still doesn't get his tux, then he's out of the wedding party anyway, and no harm done.  Just don't print programs if you're having them 'til 2 weeks before the wedding.

liz745

If your FI wants him as his best man then let him. This isnt something you should pick a fight over,

emilyinchile

Your FI should probably think about asking his GMs soon just so that they can get the date on their calendars - especially the one who's abroad and will have to travel. Other than that, PPs are right that he doesn't have to choose a BM or have them actually do anything right now. And if the guy in S Korea can't make it (whether he's a GM or the BM), then that's a shame, but you can still list him in the program, and it won't ruin the day.

lyndausvi

just relax.  My BFF asked her brother to be in her wedding.  Because he is in the Army and was finishing up some training, he  would not know until a few days before the wedding if he could even attend. She did not stress or anything.  It is what it  is.

This same BFF was 8 months pregnant (high-risk) at my OOT wedding.  I just went with the flow.  If she  could not have made it, sure I would been sad (and worried for her health), but it would not ruin my wedding day.

So my advice is to just let it go.  Let him pick his GM and let the cards land where they will.

banana468

Ditto the other ladies.  Yes, he should let them know that he'd like them to be involved so they can check the date off on their calendars but beyond that, just relax about this. 

MyNameIsNot

You have no say over your FI's side of the wedding party.  He can ask whomever he wants to do any positions he wants.  You need to stay out of it.

You do not tell people what their duties are.  That's the fastest way to turn the honor of being in a wedding into an annoying chore.  I certainly hope you aren't planning on doing that to your friends either.  Their only duty is to get attire and show up fo the wedding.  Anything else they choose to do, including throwing parties, is optional and a gift to you.

Guys can get tuxes anywhere.  If he's abroad, he can call the shop with his measurements, or email them to your FI who can relay them to the shop.  He does not need to show up to get fitted prior to the wedding. 

Lots of people won't make every pre-wedding party you have, including the bachelor party, and that's ok.  An invitation is not a subpoena.  The bachelor party really has nothing to do with you anyway, but you need to start getting used to the fact that not everyon will make all these parties.

Let your FI manage his own friendships.  He has a good attitude, and he's been doing it for a long time now.  Leave it alone.

stina93446

None of these issues are yours to solve. His groomsmen=his problems. The friend in Korea is not a big deal either. If he doesn't make it, he doesn't make it. BP members do not have "duties" so try to un-learn that.