Groomsmen Dragging Their Feet

jordanm27

So, my fiancee has 4 groomsmen, one is my brother, 1 college friend and 2 lifetime friends. All 4 of them are out of state. All four of them committed to be at the wedding last May. Our wedding is now next month, 45 days away and my brother is still the only one who has been fitted for his tux and made travel arrangements (and thats just because my mom has been on him to do it!). All 3 of my fiancee's friends keep saying they are waiting unitl they have the money to buy the tickets and hotel rooms. Now, correct me if I'm wrong but if you haven't had the money in the last 9 months, where is it going to come from in the next month?? My fiancee is not into confrontation, and thinks they will pull through without him bugging them.  I totally understand financial trouble, I just wish they would have not committed to the wedding in the first place if they couldn't afford it. We have already had to replace one of his groomsmen because his wife got pregnant, I don't want to replace any more! I am having a minor freak out over this, I keep picturing us standing there will all 4 of my bridesmaids and then just my brother because all the rest couldn't make it at the last minute. Has anyone had any problems with this or am I being a complete bridezilla?

jlm9113

They could be counting/waiting on their tax returns.  At this time of year, it's entirely possible that they might come into a decent sum of cash.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-dragging-their-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:61ad9dc3-0182-4d6d-ae47-3a4f00259a25Post:432e7d52-4dd2-4d0f-b27d-2cc3760ac892">Groomsmen Dragging Their Feet</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my fiancee has 4 groomsmen, one is my brother, 1 college friend and 2 lifetime friends. All 4 of them are out of state. All four of them committed to be at the wedding last May. Our wedding is now next month, 45 days away and my brother is still the only one who has been fitted for his tux and made travel arrangements (and thats just because my mom has been on him to do it!). All 3 of my fiancee's friends keep saying they are waiting unitl they have the money to buy the tickets and hotel rooms. Now, correct me if I'm wrong but if you haven't had the money in the last 9 months, where is it going to come from in the next month?? My fiancee is not into confrontation, and thinks they will pull through without him bugging them.  I totally understand financial trouble, I just wish they would have not committed to the wedding in the first place if they couldn't afford it. We have already had to replace one of his groomsmen because his wife got pregnant, I don't want to replace any more! I am having a minor freak out over this, I keep picturing us standing there will all 4 of my bridesmaids and then just my brother because all the rest couldn't make it at the last minute. Has anyone had any problems with this or am I being a complete bridezilla?
Posted by jordanm27[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You need to back off.  These are your FI's friends, not yours.  No good can come of you trying to manage them.  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, yes, replacing someone does make you a bridezilla.  That is a huge slap in the face to both the person who was replaced and the understudy.  That may explain why these guys don't seem that excited about your wedding.  They know they are just props.  

</div>

Peledreamsofrain

They are adults, leave them be.  You will come off as a bridezilla if you keep nagging.  They'll either step up to the plate, or not.  And it won't be the end of the world if your party is uneven because not a single person at your wedding will care if it is.  

Seriously, when is the last time you went to your married friends' house and obsessively counted their bridal party photos?  What was that?  You've never done that because you're not a  crazy jerk?  Thought so.

Sierra524

They are your FIs friends, so he needs to deal with it. Do not get involved. You dont want to be "the friends nagging wife." And just wondering, why did you have to replace someone because his wife got pregnant? Did he remove himself? Anyway, having uneven sides is completely okay, so dont stress too much about it.

AJuliaNJ

Men are a lot more laid back about this stuff. Sorry to generalize, but this seems to be the case in all weddings I've been involved in. Just last week, we asked our planner when the men have to go in to rent their suits, and she said they could go in the week before and it would be fine. 

jordanm27

The only reason we had to replace the groomsmen was because when they found out they were pregnant he backed out of the wedding because they couldn't afford the trip anymore. For the record, I haven't talked to his groomsmen once, I just ask him to contact them so we know what is going on with them. jlm9113, thanks for the tax return idea, that didn't even occur to me! But I will back off, I guess if my fiancee really doesn't care if they're there or not then I guess I shouldn't either.

QueerFemme

In Response to Re:Groomsmen Dragging Their Feet:[QUOTE]The only reason we had to replace the groomsmen was because when they found out they were pregnant he backed out of the wedding because they couldn't afford the trip anymore. For the record, I haven't talked to his groomsmen once, I just ask him to contact them so we know what is going on with them. jlm9113, thanks for the tax return idea, that didn't even occur to me! But I will back off, I guess if my fiancee really doesn't care if they're there or not then I guess I shouldn't either. Posted by jordanm27[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't have replaced anyone. Its rude. When someone drops out, you have one less person. You don't pick someone else.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-dragging-their-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:61ad9dc3-0182-4d6d-ae47-3a4f00259a25Post:8e307a95-2bc0-4c82-8efb-d2c976f3c6e1">Re: Groomsmen Dragging Their Feet</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The only reason we had to replace the groomsmen was because when they found out they were pregnant he backed out of the wedding because they couldn't afford the trip anymore. </strong>For the record, I haven't talked to his groomsmen once, I just ask him to contact them so we know what is going on with them. jlm9113, thanks for the tax return idea, that didn't even occur to me! But I will back off, I guess if my fiancee really doesn't care if they're there or not then I guess I shouldn't either.
Posted by jordanm27[/QUOTE]

But that is not a good reason to have replaced him.  I am sure his replacement feels second best and is probably one of the reasons why he hasn't stepped up and booked his travel or gotten his tux.

There is never a good reason to replace anyone.  Never.

TKzilla

I'm not going to lie: when we decided on the tuxes, I sent out a text to each of the groomsmen (FI was still getting fitted and I wanted to get all the info out before I forgot everything). But I lied to the groomsmen. We were told that the last date for them to get fitted and put a deposit down was like the first week of March. So I told all the groomsmen that the date was a week sooner. This way, we had wiggle room. It worked out, too, because two of the groomsmen got fitted on the "last day". However, when the deadline was drawing nearer, FI was the one responsible for getting up with his groomsmen and "nagging" them. The only one I handled was my brother, because I made it a "date" to get him fitted. Picked him up, drove him to the shop, got lunch, etc.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-dragging-their-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:61ad9dc3-0182-4d6d-ae47-3a4f00259a25Post:8e307a95-2bc0-4c82-8efb-d2c976f3c6e1">Re: Groomsmen Dragging Their Feet</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason we had to replace the groomsmen was because when they found out they were pregnant he backed out of the wedding because they couldn't afford the trip anymore. For the record, I haven't talked to his groomsmen once, I just ask him to contact them so we know what is going on with them. jlm9113, thanks for the tax return idea, that didn't even occur to me! But I will back off, I guess if my fiancee really doesn't care if they're there or not then I guess I shouldn't either.
Posted by jordanm27[/QUOTE]
No, you didn't "have" to replace the groomsman, you CHOSE to replace the groomsman, which is rude.

Kate61487

I would be seriously surprised if any of them actually slacked to the point of not coming; I'd just chill and let them do it in their own time. 

Also, if it is a legit cost issue that a tax return doesn't fix - could you guys step up and help cover flights?  I know having our whole BP there was very important to us and we would have done whatever we could to make sure they were all there.  Some situations can't be helped, and perhaps they wouldn't be comfortable taking a loan/gift if you offered, but it's something to keep in mind.

KerisaHarman21

Woah people she didn't replace him, he backed out of the wedding and we ALL know we have people that perhaps we wanted in the wedding but we couldn't have that many, I would not be upset or hurt if I was a second choice, sometimes people have to have family in there first and friends second in the wedding party, and I understand why she found another one so that the bridesmaids would not outnumber the groomsmen. If I had a groomsmen back out early in the wedding process I would for sure replace him so that the bridal party was even, now if it was super close to the wedding and perhaps it wasn't posible I could understand that but there is no need to be harsh on her because he backed out and i'm sure her FI picked the replacement groomsman not her.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-dragging-their-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:61ad9dc3-0182-4d6d-ae47-3a4f00259a25Post:a6333eb9-c160-4fc4-aa5d-52f139804104">Re: Groomsmen Dragging Their Feet</a>:
[QUOTE]Woah people she didn't replace him, he backed out of the wedding and we ALL know we have people that perhaps we wanted in the wedding but we couldn't have that many, I would not be upset or hurt if I was a second choice, sometimes people have to have family in there first and friends second in the wedding party, and I understand why she found another one so that the bridesmaids would not outnumber the groomsmen. If I had a groomsmen back out early in the wedding process I would for sure replace him so that the bridal party was even, now if it was super close to the wedding and perhaps it wasn't posible I could understand that but there is no need to be harsh on her because he backed out and i'm sure her FI picked the replacement groomsman not her.
Posted by KerisaHarman21[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You don't get it. </div><div>
</div><div>It's rude to replace people. Period. Full stop. </div><div>
</div><div>Even if the BP member takes themselves for whatever reason (and a baby is a H*LL of a good reason) out of the wedding it's still replacing if you ask someone to fill the spot. All that says to people is that you think even numbers/sides are more important than people.

</div>

MsYeck

Some of the best travel deals an be found 2-6 weeks out. Maybe they where waiting for a better deal.