What does having a bridesmiad/being a bridesmaid mean to you?

LoveMuffins

When I was a BM I thought my "obligations" were to be the best friend I could to the bride, which included supporting her emotionally, spending time with her, and planning fun things like the bridal shower nad bachlorette party, as well as helping her out with any detail things she needed like addressing the invitations, making the flowers, etc. Mostly just making sure that I was there to help out so that she never DID get stressed. The other bridesmaids were right there along with me (well, all but one, and no one likes her now anyway).

Now that I'm a bride I certainly don't expect my BMs to feel the same way I did, although so far they seem to be just as enthusiastic and helpful as when I was a BM. Mostly I just want to share as much of the fun with them as possible. Fortunately, my best friends are all helpful, crafty people and are thrilled to help me with addressing invitations, making flowers, and throwing me a bridal shower and bachlorette party. I've literally been kicked out of the room so that they can plan surprise stuff for me - which makes me feel both left out and incredibly special.

I think the biggest thing is that you should choose bridesmaids that you know are going to support and love you, whether that support be emotional or tangible, and that you'll have a LOT of fun with. So far, my wedding is super stress free and that is in large part due to the fact that I am conscientious of my parent's and bridesmaid's feelings and they are in turn conscientious of mine!

deb84

To me having or being a bridesmaid is an honor.  I have been lucky enough to be a bridesmaid many times.  I take this to mean I am a good friend who people (my friends) value and wanted to share their special day with.  The girls I asked to be my bridesmaids are my best friends in the world.  I absolutely cannot imagine getting married without them standing by my side and am willing to pay for their dress, hotel room, etc if I have to for them to be there.

As for what is "expected".  I expect my girls to order their dress, attend the rehersal and dinner IF possible, show up for the wedding sober and in their dress (okay and pictures before the wedding) and to party with me afterwards.  That is all.  The planning is up to me and my fiance.  BUT I know my friend and if I am stressed and want to talk about wedding things or need help I can call them.  If they are busy they are busy and if they aren't they will help.  END OF STORY.

filaw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:62ae0a1f-0d67-44e4-abdb-e80e3b344c38Post:6bf92933-f611-41a9-ab9b-85c8bf10fd3c">Re: What does having a bridesmiad/being a bridesmaid mean to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]"Support" is needed for illnesses, injuries, unemployment, miscarriages and accidents. 
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I disagree.  We need support at all times.  That's why we can't live alone.  We need friends, and family and loved ones to love us, listen to us, celebrate with us, comfort us and occasionally lend a helping hand.  And we do the same to them.  That's what friends do.<div>
</div><div>When I'm "planning a party", my friends often call and I ask how they can help.  They want to know if they can bring anything, or maybe come early to help set up, and often they insist on helping clean up too.  Sometimes my friends need a ride to the airpoirt, or someone to sit their dog, or help moving.  Sometimes they had a terrible day they need me to listen to them on the phone while they cry and comfort them and let them know how much I love them.  This is all "support".</div><div>
</div><div>When someone talking about wanting friends to "support" their wedding, I get it.  If my friends suddenly didn't want to lend their support in my life, and when wedding planning, that is often what mostly going on in one's life (angsting about decisions, going crazy with errands, disagreements with family, etc.), I'd wonder if they were still my friends.  Many brides have a problem when there's a mismatch in expectations, and they start expecting too much or maybe the wrong things.  That's a problem.  But what I don't get is this idea that "support" is somehow limited to tragedies and emergencies.</div>

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:62ae0a1f-0d67-44e4-abdb-e80e3b344c38Post:a3a513bb-8a0e-4395-aeeb-1f13ed6552e0">Re: What does having a bridesmiad/being a bridesmaid mean to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What does having a bridesmiad/being a bridesmaid mean to you? : I disagree.  We need support at all times.  That's why we can't live alone.  We need friends, and family and loved ones to love us, listen to us, celebrate with us, comfort us and occasionally lend a helping hand.  And we do the same to them.  That's what friends do. When I'm "planning a party", my friends often call and I ask how they can help.  They want to know if they can bring anything, or maybe come early to help set up, and often they insist on helping clean up too.  Sometimes my friends need a ride to the airpoirt, or someone to sit their dog, or help moving.  Sometimes they had a terrible day they need me to listen to them on the phone while they cry and comfort them and let them know how much I love them.  This is all "support". When someone talking about wanting friends to "support" their wedding, I get it.  If my friends suddenly didn't want to lend their support in my life, and when wedding planning, that is often what mostly going on in one's life (angsting about decisions, going crazy with errands, disagreements with family, etc.), I'd wonder if they were still my friends.  Many brides have a problem when there's a mismatch in expectations, and they start expecting too much or maybe the wrong things.  That's a problem.  But what I don't get is this idea that "support" is somehow limited to tragedies and emergencies.
Posted by filaw[/QUOTE]
Totall agree with this...I think some of the support/help I might need on my wedding day is opinions on make-up/hair...probably telling me to breathe and not freak out :)  But then again maybe I won't need it because even though I was ready to do this when i was a bridesmaid...bride did not need it...so hopefully I will be calm to and not have stagefright!!  But, I agree that support is as a friend not because they are bridesmaids.

music83lover2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:62ae0a1f-0d67-44e4-abdb-e80e3b344c38Post:1a3c1596-8489-4900-bdd6-de6208cdf702">Re: What does having a bridesmiad/being a bridesmaid mean to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]laura:  the big problem here is that wedding tv shows, wedding movies, wedding magazines, wedding websites have all created this notion of entitlement in women. They have a ring on their finger, and suddenly they're entitled to boss people around, because "they're getting married and it's soooooooooo stressful."  They suddenly feel entitled to tell their friends how to wear their hair, what color to paint their nails, and what shoes to put on their feet, because "it's their SPESH-UL" day. They suddenly feel entitled to demand that their friends help them make favors, visit venues, stuff envelopes, and essentially help execute their wedding, because "they're the bride". And it's just not at all true.   Many self-absorbed, entitled brides cannot say this.  Because they've bought into the wedding machine which has more fantasies in it than the Magic Kingdom at Disney.  And that's just very, very sad that people put a party over their friends and family.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Could not have said it better myself!  I am so sick of the "I'm the Bride" mentality.  i sure didn't pull that crap.  You are getting married, not becoming a dictator of a small country!