Bridesmaidzilla

caiter4

Just a little vent. 
My older sister is a bridesmaid. I was only going to have her, and my younger sister was MoH. The older sister, A, was being very flaky about her dress. The MOH already had her dress, but A is very large, so was probably going to have to have one made. I asked her to find a dress pattern she liked, and a dressmaker. Nothing happened for 6 months. I reminded her many times and tried suggesting a dressmaker but she said no to them. I eventually decided to see if I could find a dress for her to buy, because it would be easier and possibly cheaper.

 Her husband, B, emailed me the other night to ask when I would have the funds to have A's dress made, as it was getting down to the wire. I was furious! I'm on a teeny tiny budget, so small that B is doing my photos for free (he's not a pro). And they are pretty well-off. So I explained that they were supposed to buy her dress. My MOH bought her own dress, is buying her own shoes, and hair and she has a tight budget as well.  My mom volunteered to make A's dress from a simple pattern, something I hadn't wanted (because my mom's skills are slight) but I gave up and bought a pattern because I don't see any other options anymore. 

I called A and told her I bought a pattern, and also mentioned I had asked my good friend C to also be a bridesmaid, and A asked if C could take her place, as she wanted to help B with photos. OMG! I am so tired of her crap I said for her to do whatever she wants, I don't care. But now she's being wishy-washy again and won't decide. At this point I think it would be better to have her out of the wedding, but I can't kick her out. I also don't want to buy fabric and a pattern and have her decide she doesn't want in the wedding after all, because then I'll be out that cost. 
and B announced that he needed to rent $600 worth of equipment for the wedding. Which I know he'll want reimbursed for. 
Agh, my family! Sorry.

blackfire5th

Well, you have a while before the wedding.

I would just not buy anymore stuff for your sister and just let her deal with it.  If she gets the fabric and gets a dress, then she's in the wedding, if she doesn't get the dress, then she isn't.

Also be very upfront with her husband.  Tell him flat out what you will and will not pay for when it comes to photos and what you expect.

I really think that you are going to have a bad time with the photos of him either trying to charge you a lot or not taking very many photos.

I would look around for a student who is looking to build their portfolio to do your photos.  They might cost more than free, but I really think it will save you a lot of stress!

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:d4bf1828-f61c-40bf-ae52-89bc24bb341a">Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a little vent.  My older sister is a bridesmaid. I was only going to have her, and my younger sister was MoH. The older sister, A, was being very flaky about her dress. The MOH already had her dress, but A is very large, so was probably going to have to have one made. I asked her to find a dress pattern she liked, and a dressmaker. Nothing happened for 6 months. I reminded her many times and tried suggesting a dressmaker but she said no to them. I eventually decided to see if I could find a dress for her to buy, because it would be easier and possibly cheaper.  Her husband, B, emailed me the other night to ask when I would have the funds to have A's dress made, as it was getting down to the wire. I was furious! I'm on a teeny tiny budget, so small that B is doing my photos for free (he's not a pro). And they are pretty well-off. So I explained that they were supposed to buy her dress. My MOH bought her own dress, is buying her own shoes, and hair and she has a tight budget as well.  My mom volunteered to make A's dress from a simple pattern, something I hadn't wanted (because my mom's skills are slight) but I gave up and bought a pattern because I don't see any other options anymore.  I called A and told her I bought a pattern, and also mentioned I had asked my good friend C to also be a bridesmaid, and A asked if C could take her place, as she wanted to help B with photos. OMG! I am so tired of her crap I said for her to do whatever she wants, I don't care. But now she's being wishy-washy again and won't decide. At this point I think it would be better to have her out of the wedding, but I can't kick her out. I also don't want to buy fabric and a pattern and have her decide she doesn't want in the wedding after all, because then I'll be out that cost.  and B announced that he needed to rent $600 worth of equipment for the wedding. Which I know he'll want reimbursed for.  Agh, my family! Sorry.
Posted by caiter4[/QUOTE]

<div>Why don't you just let her handle the dress.  If she gets it, she can be a BM.  If she doesn't, she can be a guest.  Her decision, her problem.  I really don't see where she's being a 'zilla here, though.  </div><div>
</div><div>You need to talk to B about the equipment.  If you don't want to pay for that, you need to let him know right off the bat that you won't and that you just want him to use whatever equipment he owns, even if it effects the quality of the pictures.</div>

kducharme

It sounds to me like your sister doesn't want to be a BM at all.  But truthfully you still have PLENTY of time to get BM dresses.  BM dresses typically take about 6-8weeks to come in and you will probalby be able to find one for her to buy/order.  A lot of dress shops go up to 30 womens. 

But it seems to me that you need to first see if she even wants to be a bridesmaid and if she remains wishy washy then kick her out and move on.  You will be  a lot happier and a lot less stressed!

bablingbrooke

I will never understand why brides want to micromanage when their BMs get their dresses.  It's like the old saying: You can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink.  She knows what she needs to do, it's on her to get the dress.  If she gets it she's in.  If she doesn't, she's out.

Having said that, it sounds like she took herself out of the wedding by asking the other girl to take her place.  Again, you can't force someone to be in your wedding.  It's not a subpoena.  Be upset for a day or two then move on.  In the end it really doesn't impact anything.  Think big picture: The goal is to marry FI, not have an exact number of BMs or specific dresses or anything like that.  You will marry FI even if all this other stuff falls apart.  Keep that perspective and you'll find that you won't be stressed about it anymore.

With regard to the camera equipment, agree w/ B's husband in writing what you are and aren't willing to pay for.  This is the sort of thing that leads to family rifts if things aren't cleared up from the get-go.  This includes the payment schedule.  And you might consider hiring a photographer.  It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg and you'll avoid the possible drama from having to pay for B's camera equipment that he may or may not actually need or know how to use.

spaje

Heck, take that $600 dollars for the equipment and HIRE a photographer... I mean if it's gonna cost that much, then why not?  Unless it's a "making it more special by having someone in the family do it" thing... well, then... come to somesort of an agreement.  As for your sister... I feel your pain... sort of.  My sister's not liked anything from the color to the parasol I think I want them to carry.  It came down to my mother telling her - It's her wedding, when you marry, you can do what you want.... (but then again, my sister's also making a cake that could cost her $200.. so....)

HisCB

it sounds like either 1, she doesnt really WANT to be a BM (or she wouldnt have suggested the replacement)
or 2. she doesnt like you "nagging" or "bossing" her around (not saying that you are, but she might feel that way)

i agree, give her a specific date to have bought or had the dress made. make sure you tell her at that time that you will not be buying the dress or paying for it to be made.

about the BIL/photographer, i agree $600 seems like A LOT to pay to RENT equipment, talk to him too about what you would really like, and what you expect from him, say that its up to him to rent any equipment he would like to but you dont have it in your budget. if he wants to make the pics look as good as possible for his own credit/gift to you, then he is  more than welcome to pay whatever he wants.

(also i would hesitate to judge how "well off" someone is, you never really know)

britne28

If the BIL is a pro, why is he renting additional equipment?  I would find a different photographer to avoid the potential family issues.  And as PPs said, if she shows up in the dress then she is in the wedding, if not, then she took herself out of the wedding.

thatoreobride

Have you thought about going to the local colleges and asking a photography teacher for a few talents students names that need portfolio work?  My fiance is in a photo class, and he's been talking to his friends about it.  Just agree to pay for prints, and give them pictures for their portfolio and some food, and there ya go!  There are plenty of students out there with tons of talent looking for stuff like this!

traceylou79

It sounds to me that she may be embarassed about her weight and may be embarassed that a dress will need to be made for her so that she can be in the wedding. Maybe this is why she is being flaky and wishy washy about getting the dress and picking out the pattern for a dress. Then when you said that someone else is going to be a bridesmaid, she saw her way out of being in the wedding.  She may feel torn between really wanting to be there for you and participate in your wedding and being completely embarassed about her weight issue and being in front of a lot of people during your wedding.  A friend of mine was a overweight bridesmaid and I know she hated every minute of it.

debfavre

a agree with earlier post!! ditch those two!

Find another friend or several friends to take photos. Everyone' got a digital camera these days. Maybe your wedding album would be more personal if you have photos taken by the family?

And students LOVE to take photos for their portfolio. Do you have a local college with art students? Or a high school? Get two or three if the kids have their own cameras and that way you'll be covered.

If you stick with this photographer, you're likely to end up with a mess--especially if you kick his wifey poo out of the wedding party. Then you've lost both! And be up front about what you expect and what you're willing to pay for. Get everything in writing, family or not. Then at least you have something you can get notorized in case he sues you or backs out last minute.

I too had a wishy washy bridesmaid. I only put up with it for about 1 month, not 6--since I got engaged in January and am getting married in June I didn't have time to be stressed out about her and deal with her bs.  It can take up to 14 weeks to get a dress if you have to order it around here. I gave her a deadline (well before the acutal one) and if she hadn't come around and had her dress, I told her she was out. She had to MAKE UP HER MIND and order the thing. She's my best friend and its my wedding. She was a total bridezilla for hers. Turnabout is fair play!

sctfrk1314

My older sister can be such a pain too! She's going to be a BM in my wedding and has so far (finger's crossed) behaved herself. I can understand your aggravation completely, though. She and I have had our tifts. I also understand how difficult it can be to confront your sis. It creates ripples throughout the fam, regardless of who's in the right/wrong.

My suggestion is to sit her down, away from the hubby, etc. and tell it to her straight but nicely! Explain how you're not picking on her or intending to bug her, you just want to get everything planned so you can have fun and enjoy your day. Hell, take some of the blame if that's what she needs to hear and what will make her feel better and listen. It's not about petty battles, it's about getting the day you want. Explain how much it would mean to have her in the party but that you understand if she can't be a part of it. DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT KNOWING FOR SURE if she's gonna do what you need her to do. If she isn't a BM then she isn't. Don't stress this.

As for the photographer stuff- I agree that everything should be in writing. It's just easier AND it's what you would do with a professional anyway. If it falls through because he won't work with you on this then you can ask a student from a local college. They'll work cheap! Just make sure you see some of their work before you pick one! Or if there's a family friend who is good with pictures... or if someone from work knows someone... talk to everyone and see what will turn up!

You can get through this!!! Good luck!!!

Thehappiestbride

Ok everyone is acting like this is not her sister. She didn't just get big when her sister asked her to be in the wedding. Family should do better but it sounds as if your sister has a problem with your wedding. As far as your BIL he is not a pro what is he renting? Just tell your sister you can not buy her dress and you only need one bm so she can be a guess. See if you can get a photographer if you pay 600 to your BIL than add another 200 and get a pro. This makes no sense why is your sister tring to make your wedding about her she had her day. Can it be she is upset because you asked your younger sister to be your MOH?

Nataie & Joshua

I Wouldnt buy anything else for her either.. no matter what article or magazine you read they all say the bridesmaids are responsible for the cost of their own dresses. Remember its YOUR wedding. I would just tell her look i have enough other things to deal with so if you dont want to cooperate and you cant pay for your dress then Ill judt have to have you be a guest instead.  you should be having fun planning.. not chasing after people to do what theyre supposed to! Just have her be a guest, no more options!

tanman83

I'm sorry, but if's your sister....you asked her to be in your wedding, not the other way around. If you cant afford to pay for your bridesmaid's dress/es you either a) shouldn't have bridesmaids, b) should choose a cheaper dress for them to wear (which you can cover yourself) or c) you shouldn't be getting married. Someone shouldnt have to pay for the privilege to stand next to you whilst you marry the man of your dreams...you're the one who should feel privileged to have them there and you should be showing your appreciation rather than creating stress for your sister!

It appears part of the issue is you think your sister+her husband are well off and that you are not as well off. Perhaps consider that it may not be about "the money" (even if they actually are rolling in money): did you talk to them about these issues from the start? If not, this is no doubt part of the problem. Sometimes it is not about the money per se, just that you may have "assumed" your sister would fork out for the dress. Were you a bridesmaid at her wedding? Did she make her bridesmaids pay for their own dress?

Keep it in perspective. The day is about sharing a special moment with people special to you. It shouldn't have to be a fight over money and who paid for what.

tamicatbaby

First off, you don't really know her financial situation, I am sure it is between her and her husband, there may be student loans, mortgages, etc.

It sounds like she may have been trying to lose weight and waiting to get a dress but I think she doesn't want to be in the wedding party and doesn't want to hurt your feelings so when she asked if C could take her place and she would attend with B to help with photos, I think you should gracefully accept to let C be a bridesmaid and let A attend with B. She doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, let her out of it, she will still come and support you.

Talk to B now about financial expectations, what you are willing to pay, what are their expectations, and if you two don't agree, you can find someone else and they won't be left after the wedding all annoyed.

Try to remember this is a tough economy and people don't like to lay all their cards on the table, there may be an issue between you two that needs resolving but just because she doesn't want the time commitment and financial commitment of being a bridesmaid doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

Abril44

Also, if your sister is really that big, she may be feeling self-conscious about standing with you and how she will look and what people may think or say about her. My fiance's grown daughters are also very large, and when I asked them if they'd like to be in the wedding, they both asked for a "behind the scenes" assignment. They want to help and are very happy for us; they just would rather not stand up front. I might be wrong, but it sounds like your sister may be trying to get off the hook with being a bridesmaid.

jovanna77

I say, it's your wedding, do what you want! This is all builds up to you and your future hubbies day, NOT your sisters! If she doesn't want to be a part of it, which to me, she apparently does, then tell her either she shows some support in this or she can just sit and watch the wedding with the rest of the guests. I dropped my step sister for being a complete nightmare, and to tell you the truth I am much less stressed. She was complaining about how she didnt have money for this and for that. She even said no when I asked her to be my MOH after we got engaged so I asked her to at least be a bridesmaid and she said yes at first, then flaked out on the engagement party. So, to save our relationship I told her she would be more help behind the scenes.

HannahBrombal

It sounds like everyone has a lot of speculations about why your sister is being so ambivalent, which may or may not be true.  Do you really want your sister to be in your wedding?  Why or why not?  If you haven't done so already, it may be time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her about the issue to find out what is really under the surface of her attitude.  Explain to her how you've felt, but don't fault her for acting wishy-washy.  Give her specific examples of how her actions have made you feel and ask how she really feels about being in your wedding.  This day is about you, but it's important not to have regrets later or cause permanent damage to family relationships.  She will always be your sister whether or not she is your bridesmaid.  Figure out what her situation is and go from there. 

As far as the BIL goes, I agree with everyone else.  If you can still back out of that, I'd say find a student who will do the photos for probably the same price.  I know my sister only paid $600 for her photographer and he was a professional!  This is a special day that you will want to remember with quality photos.  If you haven't checked around already, I'd say do so!  As has been said, some great art students would be more than happy for the experience and may give you some neat, edgy photos that you will cherish forever for nearly the same price.  Best of luck!

Prospect Hill

Trust me, your sister wants OUT of being a bridesmaid. You should have thanked her profusely when she offered to let C take her place. Told her how much you love her and how great it is she is helping with the photography. If this reaches you in time, gently announce that yes, you really NEED her help on the photos and that is what it will be. Don't argue. Don't discuss. The executive decision has been made. Also, give your brother-in-law a maximum budget for the "equipment." I make great digital photos at my inn for the elopments and small weddings here using a camera which cost $700 NEW! I use NO other equipment. And unless you are getting married in a dark, unlit cave, most digital cameras will do a fine job--even the small and cheap ones!  Most important should be that you get all the photos of all the persons you love and cherish (make a list). that alone does not cost a lot at all.  Here again, simply tell them what it will be.  These days there is no "secret" to decent wedding photos. Be sure you outline any specialty shots.
       I always look at professional wedding photography sites for great ideas for that one great, memorable photo.  One of my brides did that.... she loved the couple in rockers she saw somewhere. Now, take a look at how I turned that into a great photo. It's on my website at http://www.tennwedding.com/
    A wordd of caution (not so likely with digital these days since you can preview the shots).... monitor what you are getting. My own wedding photography was shot by a friend who was paid a smaller fee. I got exactly what I didn't pay for:  horrible, dark shots (film and slides).!  The BEST shot was made by my uncle with his Brownie box camera. Ick. Candid shots are really the best in the end. Here is one I grabbed quickly from my file.

Final comment: get this couple straightened out NOW.... long before your wedding day. Good luck and enjoy your special time. Judy, Prospect Hill B&B Inn, Mountain City, TN

futuremrsjancosek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:d4bf1828-f61c-40bf-ae52-89bc24bb341a">Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a little vent.  My older sister is a bridesmaid. I was only going to have her, and my younger sister was MoH. The older sister, A, was being very flaky about her dress. The MOH already had her dress, but A is very large, so was probably going to have to have one made. I asked her to find a dress pattern she liked, and a dressmaker. Nothing happened for 6 months. I reminded her many times and tried suggesting a dressmaker but she said no to them. I eventually decided to see if I could find a dress for her to buy, because it would be easier and possibly cheaper.  Her husband, B, emailed me the other night to ask when I would have the funds to have A's dress made, as it was getting down to the wire. I was furious! I'm on a teeny tiny budget, so small that B is doing my photos for free (he's not a pro). And they are pretty well-off. So I explained that they were supposed to buy her dress. My MOH bought her own dress, is buying her own shoes, and hair and she has a tight budget as well.  My mom volunteered to make A's dress from a simple pattern, something I hadn't wanted (because my mom's skills are slight) but I gave up and bought a pattern because I don't see any other options anymore.  I called A and told her I bought a pattern, and also mentioned I had asked my good friend C to also be a bridesmaid, and A asked if C could take her place, as she wanted to help B with photos. OMG! I am so tired of her crap I said for her to do whatever she wants, I don't care. But now she's being wishy-washy again and won't decide. At this point I think it would be better to have her out of the wedding, but I can't kick her out. I also don't want to buy fabric and a pattern and have her decide she doesn't want in the wedding after all, because then I'll be out that cost.  and B announced that he needed to rent $600 worth of equipment for the wedding. Which I know he'll want reimbursed for.  Agh, my family! Sorry.
Posted by caiter4[/QUOTE]

I can only say how crazy this sounds that your sister and her husband expect YOU the bride to pay for this stuff......It is your day, if you think having your sister in your wedding is worth 600.00 and thensome out of your tiny budget, by all means do it...however I would state to the B you have a budget and if he cannot accept your budget after he offered to do it for free, spend 200.00 or less on table 35 mm cameras, and then have someone do posed shots, professional quality, no but you could get the guests involved in capturing YOUR day. I am going to be a bride, and I am very nice, and never wanted to be bridezilla.....but sometimes you have to be firm, bc even though it's your day, everyone around seems to forget that. I personally would tell my sister, she is not in your wedding budget and if she can not afford the dress, she can not be in the wedding, I had the same situation with my aunt, good luck hon and don't lose sight of the most important detail of all....the love you and he share:)

caiter4

Thanks for the responses. 

In mass reply,

 I do happen to know their financial situation, so that wasn't speculation. Also, I'm frustrated, because when I told her to back out if she wanted, she started to change her mind, and now won't make a decision. Because my mom is making the dress, I need it started plenty ahead of time. Also, it's proper etiquette for the BM's to buy their dress. And I don't want to just wait to see if she gets one, because part of the frustration is she won't find one on her own, even if she DOES want to be in it. She'll wait till right before, then be mad at me I didn't find a dress for her. So I'm trying to save myself hassle by pushing her now. And if I declare she's out, even if she really wants to be, she'll get offended. At this point, I think I'll shoot her a email telling her to do whatever she wants, but please, just make a decision. 

About BIL, I don't have $600 to spend on another Photographer, hence asking a non-pro to do it. If I had money to spend on pro equipment or another photographer, I would do it in a heart beat. I was upset by his announcement because I don't have that money. I do love the ideas to find a student, as I was going to find a second photographer (just for back up). That's a great idea, as I attend a community college.

chaiteachick

Honestly, I'd kick her out of the wedding and find a photography student, like previous posters suggested. You have enough stress as it is, and the entire point of a bridesmaid is to help reduce that stress.

Good luck!

erincat8

Sorry, I don't agree with you here. You're trying to control everything, and you can't. You are stressing yourself out! She obviously does not want to , or can't be, in your wedding for financial reasons, or maybe she just doesn't want it. Move on!

katieduffe

i don't see why everyone is being so down about you being frustrated. i have a sister this same way and it makes me so angry. i don't think it should be if she gets a dress shes in and if not she can be a guest. these flakey people need to make a decision. either you want to or you don't but be up front with it. and don't tell me you will when you have no intention of doing it later!

Kbake022

You just need to let her do what she wants with the whole dress situation. If she takes care of it she can be in the wedding if she doesn't she won't be in it. As far as a photographer goes go to a nearby university or college. A lot of photography students will do your wedding for little or no cost and often have access to very high end equipment through the school. You can even get full rights and unlimited pictures, they are helping you by doing the wedding but you are helping them build their portfolio. Just make a list of the shots you want and let them take care of the rest! In the end the minor details dont matter, don't let your sister stress you out! The most important thing to is the commitment that's being made!

MyNameIsNot

You're right.  Telling her she's out would cause a lot of drama because it's a horrible thing to do to a person.  Your relationship would be harmed for a long time, and you'd look like a huge bridezilla to the rest of your family.

You asked her.  You knew how she was before you asked, and you asked anyway.  And now you get to live with her being her.  If she's your sister, she and your mom can deal with the dress.  Just stay out of it and don't take it on.  Just don't worry about it.  You can't push indecisive people into making a decision.  Let her handle it, and if she can't get it together, it's on her.  There is 0 reason for you to worry about it.  

You can never say you know another person's financial situation.  You may know what they make and how much their mortgage is, but unless you pay their bills every week and file their taxes, you don't know.  That's good, because it's completely none of your business.  You have NO right to make judgments about other people's finances, so don't pretend you do.  

nyladenise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:9a68307d-ac67-4442-82ac-9b84cc9b2da5">Re: Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE] Here's the pic - the gathering across the front and the wider straps at the top really slimmed her down and made her look good - o'course it was in teal, not orange!
Posted by heather.kravagna@gmail.com[/QUOTE]


Completely off topic, but where can I find this dress you posted a pic of???  It might just be perfect for my bridesmaids. (And my color is orange)  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

oflinn65

Regarding the photographer, $600 is enough money to pay for a professional for the ceremony and some pix after. Then, ask people with cameras to take candids throughout the reception. If someone offered to help by taking the photos so you don't have to pay for it, why are they now asking you to pay for it?
Regarding the on again/off again BM-ask her if she really wants to be in the ceremony. Tell her you need to know by x date. If she doesn't answer by then, the answer is no. If she wants to be in the ceremony but has issues about the dress, again, tell her you need to know what she wants in a dress by x date. Granted, dresses can be ordered and received in 6-8 weeks, but, at 2 months out you do not want to be unsure about who is and isn't going to be in your wedding party.

nomidale

I had a difficult relationship with my sister, but she passed away 11 years ago. I wonder how your sister is feeling- since she can't buy a dress off the rack? Maybe she is feeling sad about standing in front of everyone on display. Maybe she is feeling sad about the younger sister being the MOH. I'm not saying she is not being difficult (sounds like she is), but the dress is just a bandaid for deeper things. Can you talk to her? Maybe she just needs to hear how much you love her and want her to stand for you?

As for photographer- let your brother in law enjoy the wedding and take the 600 to hire a student. Unless he really wants to do it, it's work. And will be less stress for you not to mix work and family.

Also, has your sister tried David's Bridal? I think they have a lot of sizes.

rmarks86

As far as your sister, I would ask her point blank do you want to be in the wedding or not? Tell her this is her last chance. You have things to do and other things to worry about, this should not have to be one of them.
Since the pictures are will be costing you $600 anyways I highly suggest looking for a professional. They have different packages and it may work in your budget. You want to make sure you have a nice picture to remember your day. If a professional is to expensive you can look into the local colleges to find a photography student. They will most likely have their own supplies and will most likely take pictures for a much cheaper amount. Good Luck!