HELP! My sister is upset that she's not in the wedding

BLudwig5

I really need help...   I was engaged to be married in 2006.  I had everything ready.. my dress, my girls had their dresses, and 3 months prior to the wedding, my finace told me he was cheating so everything was called off.  Some of my bridesmaids then, including my sister & I are not close at all.  Another one of my bridesmaids (my cousin) sold her dress because back then, she was pregnant.  Well I have moved on and am engaged to be married this June and rather than planning another big wedding, we're having a destination wedding in Florida.  My sister and I had a huge falling out over the presidential election... where I was voting Republican and she got very angry with me and wrote me a nasty email, basically telling me that she wrote me off as her sister and deleted me off of all of her online accounts (facebook & myspace) she's very childish like that.  Well we have reconciled to some extent... however, I think I have spoken to her twice on the phone since then and she may leave comments here and there on my facebook page but we really do not talk. Well recently, she found out I was having my cousin, and 2 of my best friends in the wedding and she called my cousin very upset that she's not in the wedding.  I feel bad, and my mom told me I needed to have her in the wedding, especially since she bought her dress (3 years ago).  I do not feel that just because she's my sister and has a dress from my previous wedding means I need to have her in this wedding.. especially given the fact that since then, we had a major falling out and never talk.  I already asked her if she would be willing to read from Corinthians at the wedding and she said she didn't want to read, she doesn't like to read in front of people. I have tried to still include her to make her feel not completely left out but I don't feel close enough to her anymore to have her as my bridesmaid. 
Should I suck it up and put her in the wedding to avoid conflict or should I stick to my guns?  

jagore08

I would suck it up and have her as a BM to keep peace in the family.  It's the lesser of evils.

bablingbrooke

Ask her.  You'll pay the price for years to come if you don't.  I'm not close with my sister at ALL, she was my MOH, I have no regrets.  It really isn't that big a deal.  Plus think about it--she'll be at the wedding and (probably) pre-weddign parties, in the photos, and at the family table.  Is it really that big a deal to have her wear the dress and stand up during the wedding?

In situations like this the best thing you can do is pick the option that will cause you the smallest headache.  It sounds like that option here is to ask your sister to be a BM.  Yes, she's in the wrong.  Yes, it's not fair to you.  But this is the time to be diplomatic, not pull the bride card.

emilyinchile

I totally agree with how you feel and think she's being a crappy sister. If it were a friend, I'd say you should no way put her in the wedding. But it's your sister. And she's already gotten your cousing and your mom involved. And I'm guessing that in the long-run, you'll do yourself more harm than good with other family members who you actually DO like if you keep her out of the wedding , even though she's in the wrong.

megk8oz

I don't really have the greatest relationship with either of my sisters at the moment, but they both stood up in my wedding, which is pretty much how it works in my family (Siblings=BP members).

Basically, I'm not close with them now, but in 5, 10, 20, 50 years, they're both still going to be my sisters. Who knows if things will get better or worse between us in that time? But they are my sisters, they will always be my sisters, and whether or not I had them in the BP, I still have to see them at Christmas every year (Ok, I see them more than that, but you get the point). I really didn't want to deal with the hassle of if coming up at every family event "til death do us part" as to why they didn't stand up for me.

In the case of siblings, I always say your best bet to go down the path of least drama. So while her being in the wedding might make things a little difficult ... is it really worth it down the road if you leave her out? Some people can decide it is, others decide it isn't. Only you can make that choice. Just remember, whatever you choose, you have to live with it.

KatieMae88

Stick to your guns. Just because you are biologically related does not mean you are obligated to do anything, especially if you are not close. I think it is unfair for anyone (even your mother) to pressure you about your decision of who stands up with you. I feel like the people who stand up with you at your wedding are the women (or men) who have consistantly been there for you and have earned their way there. That is why my sister is not in my wedding because we have never gotten along and I just don't know her. It may be tough with your family but this is one place not to compromise your feelings.

banana468

I think only you know your sister.

Yes, you technically don't need to have her in there but sometimes, it's best to just do something just so it keeps the peace.