Is 1 to 5 or 6 too uneven for a WP?

[Deleted User]

We will be having a wedding of about 80 - 100 guests, hopefully in my fiance's parents' backyard. So no big venue or affair, here. Classy, but I am not one to worry about every single piece of ettiquete.  My fiance is only going to ask his brother to be his best man and he may or may not (probably not) add 1 groomsmen.

I have already asked my sister to be my MOH and my best friend since childhood to be my bridesmaid. So if I stop here, it will be at most 1 on his side and 2 on mine. Which would be fine, but I have always dreamed of having more of my close girlfriends to be bridesmaids as well and part of me would be sad that those girls dont get to be a part of it the way i want them to.  I would really like to ask 4 other girls to be my bridesmaid as well, but i worry that may be too large a discrepancy.

One the one hand, I could say "whatevs' (which my fiance is telling me to do) and ask 15 bridesmaids if I want, who cares about drastic uneveness. However, I really only want to ask the 6 total (which will still be leaving out a few who probably would have expected to be asked.. so there would be a few feelings hurt). So I'm torn.

Should I just stop here and save risking anyone's feelings by leaving all my extra close friends out of the WP? All of them have said that they just want to be with me getting ready, etc and want to help regardless, but I would have so much fun having a real bridal party with my closest friends.

Is the discrepancy too large? Would it look ridiculous? Should I save feelings of some outer friends who I wouldnt be able to invite at the expense of my desires for my own wedding?

so, what would you do?

charmn311

I don't have very many close girlfriends, and FI is the man of a thousand friends... so we made a rule to have it be family only standing up... his 4 brothers and my brother, and his 3 sisters, our sister in law, and my cousin as the MOH. He has 10 other guys bitching at him right now that they thought they would be standing up in their 'best friends' wedding... 

Anyways, my point is.. I think you should leave it small. IMO 5 to 1 is way too much of a discrepancy. You have to draw a line somewhere, and if he can't come up with an additional  person or two he feels close enough to to have stand up, you should just leave it be. Your friends will be at your wedding no matter what and will probably be happy that they don't have to spend the extra money on standing up (because, let's face it, standing up is damn expensive!!)

libby2483

Uneven sides are becoming the norm, so if you want to have 6 and your FI only has one, that is totally fine. That being said, it seems like you aren't totally sure about asking the other girls so I would really think about it and make sure it is what you want before asking.

mbcdefg

"It's OK to have an uneven bridal party" does not mean, "It's OK to have an uneven bridal party but not TOO uneven."

Seriously. Who is really going to care if your bridal party is lopsided? Who's going to hate your wedding or have an awful time over it? And if someone IS psycho enough to have a miserable experience over this, why would you care about pleasing someone so judgemental and wacko?

More importantly, why would you hurt the feelings of your dear friends just to make things look a certain way? I'm sure you'd never tell your friends, "Hey, I've decided to leave you out because if I included you it'd look too weird" ... because you know it'd be hurtful, rude and wrong, right? So if you couldn't say it aloud to them, then why would it be a nice thing to do to them?

Kate61487

ditto PP on two counts:  1) if you want the 6 girls then have them; there's no such thing as "too" uneven.  2) if you're not absolutely positive about asking the other 4, don't.  Smaller wedding parties are just easier, and you could still have the other girls get ready with you if you want.

I just looked at your planner and it says you're getting married in October.  Are you having a short engagement?  Three months out is a little short notice to be asking BMs unless you've only been engaged for a month or two.  How long ago did you ask the rest of the BP?  The friends might feel a little second-string if you ask them now; if the rest of the party's been set for months.

Maggie0829

Our wedding party consisted of 2 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen.  It was not a huge discrepancy.  We both had who we wanted and didn't even give a second thought to the size difference.

Wedding parties are not about numbers they are about asking the most important people to stand up with you on your wedding day.

Ask who you want and don't worry about the difference in numbers.

[Deleted User]

thank you all!! I really appreciate the feedback. To clarify, we were once thinking about a short engagement until October, but changed our mind a while back. I just havent changed my planner yet, but will do.

I really feel better about asking all the girls i want to. but i will take some time as not to make a rush decision. thank you!

[Deleted User]

i seriously love you for writing this. its just my style too. i think you are so right when you say that NOT asking is rude and NOT being rude to my cloest friends is more important to me than looking a little off balance. thank you.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_is-1-to-5-or-6-too-uneven-for-a-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:66448d08-7e1a-4cd1-a567-69b2b6173596Post:655008ff-48b3-4ea6-abf9-655881524606">Re: Is 1 to 5 or 6 too uneven for a WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]"It's OK to have an uneven bridal party" does not mean, "It's OK to have an uneven bridal party but not TOO uneven." Seriously. Who is really going to care if your bridal party is lopsided? Who's going to hate your wedding or have an awful time over it? And if someone IS psycho enough to have a miserable experience over this, why would you care about pleasing someone so judgemental and wacko? More importantly, why would you hurt the feelings of your dear friends just to make things look a certain way? I'm sure you'd never tell your friends, "Hey, I've decided to leave you out because if I included you it'd look too weird" ... because you know it'd be hurtful, rude and wrong, right? So if you couldn't say it aloud to them, then why would it be a nice thing to do to them?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]