Question about waiting to pick your wedding party

quotequeen

When I got engaged I asked my MOH right away, and then waited to ask the rest until FI and I had worked out what we wanted our wedding party to look like (specifically whether we were going to have mixed gender sides or split people up by gender even if they were closer to the other person).  It was a few months before we finally asked the rest of them, and during that time I was getting antsy about it because I was concerned that if we waited too long to ask them they might think that we weren't sure we wanted them, or they were second choices, or whatever.

This was before I was reading the Knot much... now I see hundreds of posts about how you should always wait to ask your wedding party until 9 months out or so.  Did anybody who waited a long time to ask people get the sort of reaction I was worried about?  Is this really just a non-issue?  Does everyone except me just know that people wait a long time to ask so it's not weird?

bablingbrooke

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking.  Especially with a long engagement. 

Case in point: 2 years before my wedding (about 6 months before we got engaged) I was in a friend's wedding.  We were very close.  After her wedding she started med school and I started law school and we drifted apart and now talk maybe once a year.  I didn't want her in the wedding because we have drifted apart.  Had I asked right when we got engaged, however, I would have asked her.  By the year mark I didn't feel the same way and I'm glad I didn't.

It also just helps to make sure everything is nailed down, and often at the year-plus mark it isn't.  Another case in point: A good friend of mine (she was one of my BMs) is getting married next year.  She's already asked me and I've already said yes.  Problem is she doesn't have a date.  She's thinking August 2011.  Which works fine for me now.  But if she has to change it to July 2011 (and that's a possibility this far out) I can't be in the wedding anymore since that's when I'll be taking the bar exam and I have NO say over that--I have to take the bar, and I have to take it then if I want to practice law after law school.  My employer may require I take it then.  This is not likely to be an issue, but it's a potential issue.  

Just some food for thought.

bablingbrooke

I have also never heard anyone on this board (reg or otherwise) say "I wish I had asked my BMs sooner."

I have heard many say "I wish I hadn't asked my BMs so soon."

kbevers

My wedding is in 6 months and I haven't asked anyone yet. But I am having a small wedding with only a couple BMs. I'm also glad I didn't ask some of the people I thought about asking a year ago when I got engaged since some of them have moved and lost contact.

aerinpegadrak

My relationships with my BMs haven't changed, but my wedding plans sure have.  When our initial plans fell through, we strongly considered just eloping, but decided against it for two reasons: I already had my dress, and we had already asked our wedding party.  So we ended up planning something smaller.

I think my girls also got burned out.  There was nothing for them to do for an entire year, and so a lot of the initial excitement died.  It would have been nice to keep the momentum up a bit more.