Lesbian BM?

gingermandie

My FI's sister is lesbian, and I want to include her in the wedding party. His other (straight) sister will be a BM, but I'm not sure what to ask his gay sister to do. We are pretty close friends, and I would love to have her as a BM, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She said she would wear a dress if I really want her to, but I want her to feel comfortable at our wedding. I've read some ideas that either she can wear what the GM are wearing, or maybe pants and a shirt that matches the color of the other BM.Or I could ask her to be an usher. What do you all think?

banana468

Ask her what she'd prefer to wear.    She may like the dress or maybe she'd want a feminine pant suit or she may be more comfortable in what the GM wear.    As long as she coordinates ask her what she'd prefer to do.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lesbian-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:671fe217-c852-4189-91e7-71f25f481061Post:33cc183a-fd98-4477-aeec-f35f1983c266">Lesbian BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's sister is lesbian, and I want to include her in the wedding party. His other (straight) sister will be a BM, but I'm not sure what to ask his gay sister to do. We are pretty close friends, and I would love to have her as a BM, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She said she would wear a dress if I really want her to, but I want her to feel comfortable at our wedding. I've read some ideas that either she can wear what the GM are wearing, or maybe pants and a shirt that matches the color of the other BM.Or I could ask her to be an usher. What do you all think?
Posted by gingermandie[/QUOTE]
What does her sexual preference have to do with <em>anything</em>?  There are plenty of straight women who don't like dresses, and plenty of femmy lesbians who love them.  For shame for even bringing that up.<div>
</div><div>Ask her to be a bridesmaid and work with her on what she wants to wear.  She should only wear a tux like the guys if that's what she wants; if she's not into the male tux, forcing her into it just because she doesn't want to wear a dress would be humiliating.  There are plenty of pantsuit options of all formalities; if you're going through a bridal designer for the BM dresses, check out their MOB lines.  It might be better to just give your attendants some basic guidelines as to color and fabric and allow them to select their own outfits, dresses or otherwise, so your SIL doesn't feel singled out.</div>

theelusive1

Well she already said she would wear a dress if you want her to.  so ask her to be a BM.  say X is what they are wearing.  I am sure she will wear a dress.  I hate dresses but I would wear one if I was asked and I am straight.

pkontk

Definitely ask her to be a bridesmaid.  Confirm with her what she might be comfortable wearing, and respect her wishes in that regard.

ameliah19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lesbian-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:671fe217-c852-4189-91e7-71f25f481061Post:88108578-14a0-4402-a08c-1a2188bcdde6">Re: Lesbian BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Lesbian BM? : What does her sexual preference have to do with anything ?  There are plenty of straight women who don't like dresses, and plenty of femmy lesbians who love them.  For shame for even bringing that up. Ask her to be a bridesmaid and work with her on what she wants to wear.  She should only wear a tux like the guys if that's what she wants; if she's not into the male tux, forcing her into it just because she doesn't want to wear a dress would be humiliating.  There are plenty of pantsuit options of all formalities; if you're going through a bridal designer for the BM dresses, check out their MOB lines.  It might be better to just give your attendants some basic guidelines as to color and fabric and allow them to select their own outfits, dresses or otherwise, so your SIL doesn't feel singled out.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
I agree I don't get what her having to be a lesbian has to do with what she is wearing. If she doesn't like dresses that really has nothing to do with her sexual preference it's just what she prefers. But if she says she will wear a dress then maybe she is ok with wearing it for your day

QueerFemme

I'm a lesbian, and I wear dresses...  and high heels, and makeup.. and thong underwear.   

I realize she said she "would" wear a dress if you wanted her to, but really, just ask her what she is the most comfortable in and go from there.    there are a ton of options between BM dress and tuxedo, depending on her style and comfort level.  None of which have anything to do with who she is banging.

Girlie1030

I'm straight and the last dress I wore was my wedding dress.  I don't wear skirts, or dresses, or pink, or ruffles...  Leave her sexual preference out of this because it means nothing. 

QueerFemme

Thanks Stage!   It was taken in Oakland, CA...  in the same spot where we are getting married in THREE friggin weeks !  Holy shiite !!!    

It's the Alameda estuary (the little strip of water that splits Oakland from Alameda)... and the Oakland hills in the background (Oakland and Alameda is east of San Francisco, just over the bay bridge from SF)  And, about 5 minutes from my house...  I love living here. 

Here is a link to the pictures of the facility and park where we are getting married... and a picture of that little dock we were standing on.

http://www.ebparks.org/activities/corpfamily/br/shoreline/shoreline_center_photo_gallery

QueerFemme

thank you !!  and CHEAP (well, compared to other venues).  Rental fee for the facility was $850.00 for 10 hours, and we can bring in our own food and beer/wine/champagne.  

funandfreckles

What does her sexual preference have to do with anything?  There are plenty of straight women who don't like dresses, and plenty of femmy lesbians who love them.  For shame for even bringing that up.

I agree 100% with everything said here.

Lisa50

I think you should NOT ask her to be an usher.  Ugh!

Why doesn't her brother want her to be his attendant?  No bother, that's their issue to deal with.  If you really want your future sis-in-law to be a bridesmaid, the two of you can certainly find something for her to wear that will match the formality of the wedding.

Good luck!

Legu

Personally, I think the best thing you could do, is ask her to be a BM, if you'd like her to be. After that, grab a few pics together of pretty [green or whatever colour] dresses, pantsuits, a tux, etc, show her the lot and say something like "found this pretty dress, but I got the feeling you may not be entirely comfortable in something like this, so looked at this one [different, maybe plainer dress], or there's this gorgeous pant suit..." She'll get the idea that you're happy with her being happy, and all will be well. Later on, you can speak with her again and narrow down the choice to long or short or no jacket or whatever you're thinking of.

mrskristinyc

My best friend is a lesbian, and one of my bridesmaids. She's wearing a dress (but she loves dresses). 

Her partner doesn't wear dresses typically, but when we went to a formal event - she wore a dress because she knew it would make my friend (her partner) happy. Seriously- just give her the same options you're giving your other bridesmaids. Lesbians are people. If she said she'd be a bridesmaid, I'm sure she knew what that would entail. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lesbian-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:671fe217-c852-4189-91e7-71f25f481061Post:e3f62219-06cd-4f3c-a303-51d0ea518153">Re: Lesbian BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]That. Is. Gorgeous.  I cannot wait to see your wedding pics. 
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I can't wait to see your pics also. Congrats! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

msmelodypond

This question is just like asking, "my friend is from Tenessee, should I have her wear her hair up or down at my wedding?" They are completely unrelated issues. Ask her what she would be most comfortable in, but ask the same of your other bridesmaids. There is no reason to tiptoe around someone because of their sexuality; it isn't a disability.