Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?

palrmt

There are so many issues here that I don't even know where to begin. 

#1 Either you ask someone to be in your WP or you don't.  Should someone be so rude as to simply invite themselves into the WP, you need to be an adult and inform them that your WP has been chosen and, regrettably, they are not in it.  If she thinks that her BF being BM makes her automatically qualified then she is as childish as you are.  Whether you like drama or not, you should have said something the moment she took the initiative to order a dress.  You held your tongue because you don't like drama and yet here you are. 

#2 I am personally on your side about the BM and MOH walking together.  However I am not on your side when it comes to how you are handling the situation.  You should not even be thinking about such things right now anyway.  You should tell her that the order has been chosen and she will be informed at the rehearsal who is she walking with.  I would not entertain any conversations about the topic at all.  If she brings it up, change the subject.  Since you don't seem too fond of her anyway, hopefully your conversations with her will be few and far between.

#3 Unless you are marrying yourself, this is also your FI's wedding and his opinion should matter.  While men are famous for not having one, you could at least ackowledge that he might possibly have something to say about certain aspects of the wedding.  Those opinions should mean something to you.  I would have to agree with PP's about your immaturity level.  

#4 I do think the getting together every other month or so to talk about the wedding is strange.  Oh and by the way it's not just a southern thing because I am from the south as well and have never heard of such a tradition.  So maybe it's just something that's done in your family.  

#5 I don't really know why you seem to think that being a BM means they need to throw you lots of parties and go help you decide all the little aspects of your wedding.  Not sure where you got that idea but it's not true. 

#6 As others have already said, kicking someone out of your WP is a relationship ending move.  You don't sound like you value her friendship but you need to consider your FI's relationship with her SO.  (By the way he will stand by his GF so don't think you will be getting rid of just her.)  If you kick her out of the WP, he will likely remove himself as BM.  He and your FI obviously have a pretty strong bond and I'm sure you would feel terrible if you damaged it in some way. 

In summary I think that you are a very immature little girl that needs to do a lot of growing up.  You are also extremely selfish and for a marriage to work, you need to learn how to give as well as take.  There are TWO people in a marriage.   

mbcdefg

You DO know that nobody else in your life really gives a shiit about any of this, right?

They're there to watch you get married, then eat and drink and have some fun at the reception. They could not give a rat's _ass who's in the wedding, what they're wearing, who's paired up with whom, who planned parties for you or helped you with the wedding plans, etc.

Seriously. NOBODY FUCKKING CARES. YOUR WEDDING IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT OR SPECIAL where you can just kick people out. All it's going to do is make you look like a gigantic biitch. 

futurepivko

WOW.

the more you go on, the more you are confusing me.

How did she PUT HERSELF in the party? If you then invited her to WP get togethers, such as choosing flowers, then of COURSE she is going to believe she is in the WP!

I agree, asking someone to be a BM (which you said you did........then you changed your story) because their boyfriend is the best man is DUMB. I'm sorry. One day you are going to look back at your photos are think "why did I do that?!" If I invited girls who I didnt know to be in my WP because their boyfriends were in the wedding, I'd have 4 girls I've NEVER met before. (One of my BM and one of Matt's GM are now engaged, and we're in their wedding Oct. 2011)

As far as the walking down the aisle part.........PLEASE. I was MOH in my sister's wedding, and I walked down with the best man who I've only known for a week.......maybe?

PLEASE. Do what you want. Thats all I can say. Kick her out, face the consequences. It doesnt matter if your FI hates her. But please don't change your story.

LD1970

This person (I refuse to call this child a "woman," even if she really is 21) changes her story with every post.  Either the whole thing is bull or she's a compulsive liar.

Cynthia1207

Okay so you're mad because she doesn't care about your wedding?  The only people who should care are the bride and groom.  It is THEIR wedding after all.  She does not have to run around like a mad chicken every time you announce something, plan something or choose something.

There is something that I don't understand:  How is she causing SO MUCH DRAMA if she is never present at your ''social occasions''? 

And posting something on facebook concerning your wedding plans -  you know, some people don't spend 24/7 on facebook.  Posts get missed and if she didn't click on your profile I doubt she even saw that message.  Next time be more professional and CALL.

MyNameIsNot

You sound like an obnoxious 4 year old, and you type like one too.  I really hate to admit that you could possibly be a real human being, but I know there are people out there that are as selfish and immature as you are acting, that are getting married.  I don't know what else we can blame the divorce rate on.

If you are real: My MOH walked out with her BF, who was a GM and not best man.  Another BM walked out with the best man.  No one even noticed, but the picture of MOH and her BF walking out together turned out really cute, and is in their living room. Why would you deny something so simple to someone you'd call a friend?

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:995595a4-ef36-4881-8557-29ff641c59b5">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont live in town anymore where everyone from my family & friends are. We get together every other month to talk about the wedding & other things. Its like a big girls time to talk about whatever we need to. <strong>I am 21 I guess it is just a southern thing</strong>. Because my mother and her friends do it/did it. We celebrate everything. My BM just doesnt care to do any of it an I did stop inviting her to them when I realized she just did not care to show up. I will just deal with what is going on like I have been an pray she can keep her actions and drama to herself the day of MY wedding. Thanks
Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]

<div>It is most certainly not a southern thing.  This is a selfish spoiled brat thing.</div><div>
</div><div>Any respectable southern woman would be mortified if her daughter wanted her friends to come over once a month an talk about her wedding.  </div>

deb84

I agree with PP you should not put details like that on facebook.  Secondly, I have a wondeful solultion to your problem of people walkling together, DON'T HAVE THEM WALK TOGETHER AT ALL.  Have GM standing at front with FI to start ceremony. BM walk in, you get married and walk out with H, Have GM and BM alternate walking out *gasp* BY THEMSELVES.

Istremene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:918f24a2-5064-4234-b254-7b3621e2a906">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I did offer that they walk out together for the reception and even in the pictures they can be together to make her happy. She just does not come to any of the get togethers we have had for the wedding. looking at their dresses even looking at the flowers. I just feel she does not care to be in the wedding but to only watch her man.
Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]

I believe this was mentioned but her only duty as BM is to buy the dress and show up to the ceremony.  It does not sound like she is close to anyone besides the BM so are you surprised she doesn't want to attend any of the other stuff?  You only asked her because she is with the BM, even YOU are not that close to her.  Grow up and deal with your choices.  If she is not there to help pick out a dress then she has not place to complain later if she doesn't like them.

jenmitens

I am so beyond confused! 
I understand having a vision of your wedding and wanting it to actually be that way.  I really really do.  But things happen, and it will almost NEVER go exactly as you planned. 
I had a BM that didnt come to anything either, not a big deal.  Life went on, my marriage is still valid, and we are still happy.  I think you are losing sight of what this day is supposed to mean, its about you and your FI getting married.  The only other person that is required to be there is your future husband.  If all of the wedding party gets wasted the night before and sleeps through the wedding, it will still be ok.  You'll still be married and the world wont end.  Heck in 5 years you wont even care, and you'll think back at how silly this whole thing was.

No it's not an ideal situation, but will having her walk down the aisle, and stand there for 20 minutes really ruin your day?  Cause it really shouldn't. 

And as for feeling bad for her because she is an only child.  What does that mean?  I'm an only child, and I would be offended if I was a part of someone's wedding only because of that.  I don't live in the same town as my family, nor did I during the planning process.  I still had get togethers with friends, but we rarely talked about the wedding.  Once again, the world didn't end.  Call your mom or another family member, hell talk to your FI, seeing as it's his wedding too,  if you want to talk about the wedding.  But don't burden your BM, cause like a PP said, they really don't care.

danimegg4

I think it is perfectly fine for you to tell her no she cannot walk with the BM. It is not her wedding. It is tradition for the BM and MOH to walk out together and be pictured together. If she can't trust him enough to let him walk and have pics taken with another girl she should question that some other time. If I were you I would tell her to suck it up. It is your day and you should not let this little thing stress you out! I would just tell her how it is and be done. No reason to kick her out, I know it is tough thinking one of the Bridesmaids doesn't care, but it is your fiance's best friend gfs no need to cause a rift there. I hope everything works out!

trix1223

rxjen:  Please don't use the term "retarded" as you did.  I admit that it's a huge issue with me, but as someone with many family members who have worked with the developmentally delayed population, it's really offensive.

herecomesthebride1986

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:3d286ac2-87ef-45df-9bf7-2d88c5d6aad1">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
[QUOTE]And please, really, spelling, grammar, and punctuation do exist for a reason: to aid your reader in understanding what you want to say.  Just because it's online doesn't mean you shouldn't use it.  In fact, you need to use it more in this medium since this is the only way we can communicate.  So please, please, I implore you, use it.  It's not cute, and it's not casual.  It's the single fastest way to lose credibility online.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

agreed100%...with everythng you've said so far.

rxjen

You know what?! Trix you're right I am sorry for offending the mentally disabled and comparing them to the likeness of the immature poster of this thread........This post is still stupid MUD!!!