Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!

QTpa2T83

Im torn between choosing between friends, since i cant ask them all, or taking the easy way out and just using family...HELP!

xoxob

Please, just leave it as is. Go with your gut and your heart when it comes to picking BMs.

You shouldn't pick anyone just because you want your WP to have a specific look. Have uneven sides, have anything, but don't force yourself to pick people you aren't close to.

MyNameIsNot

If something really good or really bad happened, who would you need to call within an hour?  There's your WP.  

Don't pick a number and then try to fill slots.  Choose your closest friends and run with it.

spinner84

Small sides are better, IMO. It looks less ridiculous and it is much easier to schedule things so everyone can attend.

duckie1905

Don't pick BMs on something as arbitrary as numbers.  Choose who you want.  Doing otherwise is just silly and is also missing the whole point of the WP.  The important thing is who you choose not how many you choose.

tidetravel

Think about who you would call at 3 in the morning if your dog died.

These are the people you should have in your WP.  No more, no less.

leeshab1982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bridesmaids-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:68e6b623-f12c-490d-83fc-9371677fb525Post:44423382-43ae-4dd7-9e18-ce7cecfe1675">Re: Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Think about who you would call at 3 in the morning if your dog died. These are the people you should have in your WP.  No more, no less.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

That's perfect! 

QTpa2T83

So you dont think that the way FI and i were treated during our dating has any bearing on the decision?  Im not sure...

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]So you dont think that the way FI and i were treated during our dating has any bearing on the decision?  Im not sure...
Posted by QTpa2T83[/QUOTE]
Personally, my gut reaction of who to choose would not include people who were against my relationship (not apathetic, but against).  So in that way it would be a factor.  I think you're overthinking it a bit, who are your absolute nearest and dearest friends that you could not imagine getting married without them by your side?

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bridesmaids-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:68e6b623-f12c-490d-83fc-9371677fb525Post:a7d9ed50-c745-4d42-a5be-1906108d5872">Re: Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So you dont think that the way FI and i were treated during our dating has any bearing on the decision?  Im not sure...
Posted by QTpa2T83[/QUOTE]

If you're not close with those people anymore, then they shouldn't be part of your WP.

You want your WP to be comprised of people that you will still be friends with 15 years from now (intimate friends - not just FB friends).

jaimed99

If your friend has been against your relationship with your FI, why would you want her standing up with you when you marry him? I wouldn't choose anyone who wasn't totally supportive (if not at least civil) of our relationship.

That being said...you don't need a certain number of WP members to validate your marriage...as PPs said, your WP are people you would call at 3am because you were in jail, lost your dog, etc...saying that you need to "fill slots" essentially sounds like you want your WP to be props, and not those close to you that you want standing up with you on one of the most important days of your life.

HTH

Whippet8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bridesmaids-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:68e6b623-f12c-490d-83fc-9371677fb525Post:a7d9ed50-c745-4d42-a5be-1906108d5872">Re: Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So you dont think that the way FI and i were treated during our dating has any bearing on the decision?  Im not sure...
Posted by QTpa2T83[/QUOTE]

Think about how they are currently. Sure, my MOH and one of my BMs weren't too fond of my DH when we were in high school because they wanted me to date one of their friends. It didn't keep me from including them in my wedding because of our current relationship, and the fact that they now love my DH.

xoxob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bridesmaids-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:68e6b623-f12c-490d-83fc-9371677fb525Post:a7d9ed50-c745-4d42-a5be-1906108d5872">Re: Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So you dont think that the way FI and i were treated during our dating has any bearing on the decision?  Im not sure...
Posted by QTpa2T83[/QUOTE]

Where did someone say that?

We're all telling you to pick your closest friends and if you can't think of 4-5 people then, don't have 4-5 BMs.

emilyinchile

It depends. If how you were treated has resulted in you no longer being close friends, then don't ask that girl because she is not your close friend. If it cause a temporary rift, but you're now BFFs again, I think it would be silly to say "I've totally forgiven you in real life, but in wedding land you cannot be a BM because once upon a time we had a fight that happened to involve my relationsip."

QTpa2T83

"We're all telling you to pick your closest friends and if you can't think of 4-5 people then, don't have 4-5 BMs."

I have more than 4-5 to choose from, thats the problem.  The most supportive ones i havent known quite as long, but theyve still been good friends for a few years.  the long-time friends are the ones who made me miserable, even thought its better now.

xoxob

I'm not trying to be argumentative with you, but in your OP it sounded like you could only think of a couple girls and you and your FI wanted a larger WP.

I think all advice still stands. If you have forgiven these girls to the point where you would call them if you had a crisis no matter the time, place or day, then ask them. If not, then don't.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bridesmaids-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:68e6b623-f12c-490d-83fc-9371677fb525Post:f929d6a7-c5be-48fb-8544-a0e42174d905">Re: Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not trying to be argumentative with you, but in your OP it sounded like you could only think of a couple girls and you and your FI wanted a larger WP. I think all advice still stands. If you have forgiven these girls to the point where you would call them if you had a crisis no matter the time, place or day, then ask them. If not, then don't.
Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

luderi51

i agree-- the people you ask should be ones you'd call if you needed help and vice versa. but..what about asking your only sister to be MOH when you guys don't get along very well (at all)? i am MOH in her wedding this year and she isn't very happy that i'm getting married next year. i don't really know if i should ask her to be my MOH. as much as i would love my sister to be it i don't want to be miserable cause of it. she doesn't want to come help me pick out wedding dresses so how will this all work lol

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bridesmaids-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:68e6b623-f12c-490d-83fc-9371677fb525Post:74be999f-9413-4024-84ab-d4c6bfa97ad6">Re: Picking Bridesmaids- PLEASE HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]It depends. If how you were treated has resulted in you no longer being close friends, then don't ask that girl because she is not your close friend. If it cause a temporary rift, but you're now BFFs again, I think it would be silly to say "I've totally forgiven you in real life, but in wedding land you cannot be a BM because once upon a time we had a fight that happened to involve my relationsip."
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  </div><div>
</div><div>If it's resolved, you shouldn't continue letting it affect your relationship.  If it hasn't been resolved, then these wouldn't be the people you'd be calling to help you get rid of a body at 3 am.  </div>