MOH lied to me

mommas52006

Hi Ladies! I had my girls pick a date  that all could attend to order their dresses. My MOH (also my best friend for 20years) decided the day before she could not attend. She was suppose to go that week for her dress. I talked to her several times to see if she had gotten it and she said no. about 3 weeks ago she said she finally went and got it. Last friday the bridal store calls me to see if she is still in the wedding bc she still hasn't gotten her dress. I text her and she says she has it under control. sunday I went to the store for flower Girl dress, and they inform me she still has not gotten the dress. I text her again and no response. Later that night she tells me they had her order under a different name. I call the store and they said she just left, and just ordered the dress! I text her she didnt need to lie about the dress...she sends me a text back "if I am not doing a good job, find a new MOH" seriously? what do i do with that? this is what i thought was a friend of 20 years!

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-lied?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b1d880e-bea3-41cb-9cb9-08d48b6339c5Post:7f81f88a-e5bc-4ac0-a01e-255226833e0d">MOH lied to me</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies! I had my girls pick a date  that all could attend to order their dresses. My MOH (also my best friend for 20years) decided the day before she could not attend. She was suppose to go that week for her dress. I talked to her several times to see if she had gotten it and she said no. about 3 weeks ago she said she finally went and got it. Last friday the bridal store calls me to see if she is still in the wedding bc she still hasn't gotten her dress. I text her and she says she has it under control. sunday I went to the store for flower Girl dress, and they inform me she still has not gotten the dress. I text her again and no response. Later that night she tells me they had her order under a different name. I call the store and they said she just left, and just ordered the dress! I text her she didnt need to lie about the dress...she sends me a text back "if I am not doing a good job, find a new MOH" seriously? what do i do with that? this is what i thought was a friend of 20 years!
Posted by mommas52006[/QUOTE]
Quit bugging her about the dress and quit looking at this as a microcosm of the friendship--a 20 year friendship doesn't turn on this, so stop acting like it does.  That's melodramatic and not remotely reflective of the situation.  <div>
</div><div>You're harassing her so she lied to get you off her back--I'd do the same.  Apologize for harassing her, trust her to get the dress, and start being her friend again, instead of being The Bride.</div>

garcias1

It seems like you are micromanaging your MOH.  You obviously don't trust her since you called the store to "check on her."  Even if she hadn't gotten the dress when she did, it's really not the end of the world.  You should trust that your BMs and MOH will get things accomplished in their own time.  Your best bet is to apologize for calling her out and try not to hover so much from here on out.

trix1223

You were wrong to call the store and check up on her.  You need to treat her like the adult she is.  If she said she'd get the dress, then she'd get the dress.  She doesn't need it until the day before your wedding.

So if she didn't order it and had to pay rush fees for delivery or alterations, it's her problem not yours.  Sorry:  but you were annoyingly micromanaging a friend.  And if you let the ordering of a dress end a 20 year friendship, then I've got nothing for you. 

Call her up and apologize for teetering toward the brideszilla finish line.  Tell her you promise not to get crazy again.  Because you were.

Beachy730

I think it's shitty that she lied to you, especially with such a dumb lie, but I may have done the same after you called that many times.  Had you lurked on here or asked what to do about someone not to order, we would have said to leave her be and if she doesn't order it or it doesn't come in on time she has taken herself out of the WP.  I think you need to call and apologize for being so obsessive about ordering.

megandjay

deleted- posted in the wrong thread.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-lied?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b1d880e-bea3-41cb-9cb9-08d48b6339c5Post:ee0d0f00-9b1f-4a51-960e-76ec7e8a98a4">Re: MOH lied to me</a>:
[QUOTE]To avoid potential issues, you may want to minimize the contact between your sister and her ex. Like PPs said, have the BMs and GMs walk separately, or have the men at the front- or just switch up the order (have a bridesmaid walk with the best man, and a groomsman with the MOH). Your guests who know the situation might see it as wierd if you make your sister and her ex walk together or dance together, and they should understand you avoiding that match up. Really, if you want to avoid drama, then you shouldn't pair them up. No need to replace her as MOH though, just switch up the pairs, there is no rule that the MOH and BM have to walk or dance together, or even talk to each other!
Posted by megandjay[/QUOTE]

Wrong thread.

mbcdefg

She's probably pissed (and rightfully so) that you kept checking up on her as if she were five years old. You were wrong to micromanage her like this.

Think about it ... if someone relentlessly nags you to do something, doesn't that piss you off and make you NOT want to do it? Same principle applies here.

Stop with the texting. Texting, e-mails and Facebook messages, as opposed to real-life conversation, just leads to problems. Call her back or visit her in person and say, "Friend, I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I was wrong to call the shop behind your back. I promise I will leave you alone about the dress from now on. I trust you to handle it yourself."

tldh

You called the store to check up on her??? I would have lied to you too if it meant getting you off my back.  She may have called the store for the drop dead date for ordering and found out it's not for a month or so.  This time of year tends to be pretty tight for most people.

lalap69

I would have lied to you too to get you off my back if you were micromanaging me like a five year old.  JFC she's an adult who's perfectly capable of ordering a dress, evidenced by the fact that she did it.  Just because it wasn't on your exact timeline doesn't mean that it wasn't done within a reasonable time.  BACK OFF.  If you don't, she might decide she doesn't want to be your friend anymore before it's all over.

jerseydevil

You back off, let her cool down and hang out with her like a friend without it being centered around the wedding.

megk8oz

Um ... not going to lie, if I knew that I'd be able to get the dress in the near future and was just waiting to get the money together or something, and you were constantly calling and texting me about it, I would have lied to you, too, just to get you to stop harassing me about it.

Maybe money's a little tight for her right now (It is the holiday season) and she just didn't want you knowing she was having trouble. Personally, when my finances aren't the greatest, it's not something I go telling people about. Or it could just be that you checked on her one too many times and she didn't feel like dealing with you acting like a "bridal-copter" hovering over her. Maybe she's just a little spacey and kept forgetting to go do it. Who knows?

It doesn't matter now what her reasons were, the point is: she ordered the dress, she'll have it on time for the wedding, so just let it go.

And for the rest of your planning, please remember to be a friend first, a bride second. This friendship has lasted 20 years. Your wedding will only last about 6 hours. Don't let your wedding hi-jack your relationships.

ckonidak

I think Brooke said it best, be her friend, not The Bride. It happens to us all, we get worried and micro-manage to the fullest extent. But try to trust her, as long as the dress will be there by your wedding day, you'll be fine.

mommas52006

thanks for all your input. I guess I just freaked bc the dress was going to be discontinued and I wanted to make sure she got it. But in all honesty I only asked 3 times in a 4 or 5 month span...and the only reason I texted her & emailed was because she prefrers it that way. She said the only reason she didnt get it was bc she is a last minute person. I guess because I am very organized and punctual I thought she should be as well?!
Thanks again Ladies and have a nice week:)

TheCranberry

I think it's weird that she lied to you.  Even if she felt pressured, she should have just said that she would do it when she could and ask you to back off if she felt like you were hounding her.  It sounds like you guys worked it out though so that's good. 

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-lied?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b1d880e-bea3-41cb-9cb9-08d48b6339c5Post:df4ab952-4801-4c8a-ad65-de23b1ca3f45">Re: MOH lied to me</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for all your input. I guess I just freaked bc the dress was going to be discontinued and I wanted to make sure she got it. But in all honesty I only asked 3 times in a 4 or 5 month span...and the only reason I texted her & emailed was because she prefrers it that way. She said the only reason she didnt get it was bc she is a last minute person. I guess because I am very organized and punctual I thought she should be as well?! Thanks again Ladies and have a nice week:)
Posted by mommas52006[/QUOTE]
I'm glad that you've calmed down.  You can't expect anyone to be as excited about your wedding as you are, and you can't expect people to manage their time the same way that you do.  Regardless of whether you asked 3 or 4 times, you were checking up on her and letting her know that you checked up on her.  If you did that to me even once I'd be bothered.  I hope now that you've realized you were just freaking out you'll apologize to your friend. 

bablingbrooke

Bear in mind that "the dress is going to be discontinued" is the oldest trick in the book for bridal shops to get you to buy today.  Unless they can give you a last date to order, they're probably lying.  I fell for it--I ordered my wedding dress and was told it was "about to be discontinued"...guess what dress I saw brides trying on six months later when we came in to shop for BM dresses?

These people work on commission and want to make a sale.  Never forget that.

Three reminder emails telling her to spend money are three reminder emails too many.

aerinpegadrak

Remember too that yours isn't the important perspective here.  If she's expressing that you're being overbearing, you're being overbearing, even if you feel you're being perfectly reasonable.