Do you think its wrong??

Heather.Stanly

Do you think it's wrong to be a MOH when you don't agree with the marriage???

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_think-its-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6bc9f78a-89c6-4954-afae-65a88af55f22Post:7da991ae-83fc-4d6e-a3c7-ef30e5f2633e">Do you think its wrong??</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you think it's wrong to be a MOH when you don't agree with the marriage???
Posted by Heather.Stanly[/QUOTE]

I think it depends on your reason for not agreeing with the marriage. Why don't you agree with the marriage?

I think I personally would almost always support my friend/family member whether or not I "didn't like the guy," except in extreme cases where I was worried about the groom's faithfulness or that he is violent. In that case I would talk to my friend (in a non-accusatory way) about how I am concerned for her safety/well-being. If she thought I was lying or just ignored me when I had good cause for saying it, I would probably say that I couldn't stand up in support of the marriage, but that I would always support her. I still think it depends though. If this move would completely alienate my friend so she felt more trapped in the relationship later when she realized it was bad and then she would feel that she has no friend to turn to, I would probably still stand up for her.

I ask again...situation, please?

gottahavashorti

That really depends on the circumstances.

trix1223

More info is needed for me to be able to give a reasonable answer.

megk8oz

It really depends what her reasons for disliking are. If she's just one of those people that's not going to like anybody that marries her friend (For whatever silly reason), then I think there's not as much cause for concern.

But if her reasons are that she feels that the guy is being abusive on some level ... or that the bride is just "making a mistake" by entering the marriage, I think that she and the bride need to have a serious talk about her feelings before proceeding.

ButtonsPepper

Thank GOD we didn't have to deal with this. But said friend that broke up with BF, we were all so afraid she was going to marry him. It was to the point where he wasn't even aloud in her parents house. He did awful things (not hurt her or anything) but none of us supported the relationship. In a heart beat though, I would have said my feelings on why I think it's not the best idea, then been there for her every step of the way, through marriage, and then the later divorce we were all sure would be to follow. If he hit her/was cheating on her, that would be another story. IDK though, I can't imagine not being there for my friend.

swim1011

One of my friends got married this past summer, to a guy that, for a multitude of reasons, I wish she hadn't.  She got together with him while he was still dating another woman. (ugh.)  Less than a year before he proposed, he got drunk with his girl bff and wanted to cheat on my friend with her.  His bff told him hell no, then told my friend.  He's cheated on his other ex-gfs.. the whole thing just stinks to high heaven, and he travels a LOT for work. 

Thankfully, she only had her sisters in her WP, or else I would've been forced to make a decision to be a BM, since we're very close.  In that situation, I would've declined, but it probably would've ruined our relationship as well.  It really depends on what the exact details are.

ecsmiles

I think it also depends on the circumstances.   But if you can put your feelings aside and be there to support your best friend, it'll probably meant a lot to her.  But on the other hand, if you don't support it because you feel that he is verbally abusive to her or something along those lines, then that might be a different story

coletteh

I think like all it depends on the reason. But I know my MOH was happy to be my moh because she is happy for us and thinks we are the best for each other. And I know she was supposed to be the MOH in another wedding and she decided to decline for the reason that she didn't think it would last. If you do continue to stay the MOH just be as supportive as possible and don't show your true feelings.....it may be hard.

ddumire

I think being a good friend means supporting your friends and being there for them whether you agree with their decisions or not.  If the marriage is a truly bad idea and she realizes it before they actually tie the knot, wouldn't you want to be there to help her through it?

I don't necessarily think it means being silent about your concerns, but there is a delicate way of expressing them while letting her know that you will always be her friend/sister/etc.  And once you've said your piece, I wouldn't repeat it over and over again.  If you can't do that, then I would consider telling her so and backing down as MOH.

banana468

I think it really depends on the issues.