SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW

stevens23146

My wedding is in April

She found out she's 2months pregnant earlier this week. 

IDK how to feel about this.

We have the dresses and everything. Do I switch her "title" or leave it?

I dont want to STRESS her out however, I need to make sure that there is an able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help.

AM I BEING SELFISH?

Has this happened to anyone you know?

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

****

****

****

****

MIGHT I ADD, 

SHE IS MY COUSIN. Her dress is already to small. And cannot be altered! 

AND IM BEYOND HAPPY FOR HER, IM JUST NERVOUS AT THE FACT OF HER TRYING TO TAKE ON DIFFERENT TASK THAT SHE ASKED TO TAKE ON (PRIOR TO FINDING OUT SHE'S PREGNANT) So in my mind, those task were already handled while other BM'S decided to take up other task to help me out. 

I APPRECIATE ALL HONESTY!

 

PLEASE RESPOND ASAP!

ridedatbike

In April shell be in the happy part of her pregnancy lol...pregnant women are able bodied thoughso to speak

ridedatbike

Just as a heads up though read trough some of the other threads like this.

[Deleted User]

There is so much wrong with this post...

Your MOH is pregnant, you congratulate her and move on.  She's pregnant, not sick.  Demoting her is rude, inconsiderate, and a friendship ending move.  She will not be that far along that her dress could not be altered to accommodate her bump.  

If you need an "able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help", then you need to hire a wedding coordinator.  It is not a MOH/BM responsibiilty to be your personal slave.  They are required to show up in the dress, sober, at the date/time/location required.  Contrary to what the wedding industry will lead you to believe, it is not her responsibility to be your personal assistant.  Your FI is the one that can be there to assist you in the planning and prep stages.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:e15ec1f8-7412-4e8c-ae25-27b8cf0a6e18">SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is in April She found out she's 2months pregnant earlier this week.  IDK how to feel about this. We have the dresses and everything. Do I switch her "title" or leave it? I dont want to STRESS her out however, I need to make sure that there is an able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help. AM I BEING SELFISH? Has this happened to anyone you know? WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE RESPOND ASAP!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

I think you should kick her out of the wedding party and dis-invite her from the wedding altogether. Doesn't she know that when she agreed to be your MOH she agreed to run every decision she might make about her life past you first in order to get your permission and to make sure it doesn't interfere with your special day?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:e15ec1f8-7412-4e8c-ae25-27b8cf0a6e18">SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is in April She found out she's 2months pregnant earlier this week.  IDK how to feel about this. We have the dresses and everything. Do I switch her "title" or leave it? I dont want to STRESS her out however, I need to make sure that there is an able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help. AM I BEING SELFISH? Has this happened to anyone you know? WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE RESPOND ASAP!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

She's two months pregnant so she's due in July or August?  Congratulate her!  This has basically nothing to do with your wedding.  My own MOH was five months pregnant at my wedding.  I wasn't even a blip on my wedding radar (but super exciting for me to become an Aunt!)

Why would you change her title?  A MOH is just a bridesmaid who has a bigger bouquet.  If you expect her to do more, then you are expecting too much.  Maid of Honor is a ceremonial position.  Even if my MOH had been in the hospital on my wedding day, she would still be my MOH and I wouldn't have dreamt of changing anything.

MOHs don't HAVE to throw showers, plan bachelorette parties, or be treated as your wedding slave unless she WANTS to.  If she doesn't offer, she doesn't want to and that is perfectly acceptable. 

I'm concerned by your sentence "I need an able-bodied person to help me whenever I need."  No adult needs that in regular life let alone a wedding.  If that's what you expect, then you need to come back to reality.

Maggie0829

Yes, you are being very selfish.

Um, your BM is pregnant not dying!  Pregnant women are capable of doing pretty much everything non-pregnant women are.

Do not remove her, kick her out, or ask her to step down from the bridal party.  As for her dress, I would let her know that she is free to purchase a different dress for her growing bump if the dress already purchased cannot be altered to fit.

Congratulate your friend and if you need help with the wedding planning ask your FI because he is the person you are marrying not your MOH.

msuprincess04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:e15ec1f8-7412-4e8c-ae25-27b8cf0a6e18">SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]M... I need to make sure that there is an able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help. AM I BEING SELFISH? ...
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

<div>In short, yes, you are being selfish. A bridesmaid is a best friend. That person who is an important part of your life who you couldn't imagine getting married without. Not free labor, and not someone to be at your beck and call. Her being pregnant does not change this. Congratulate her, offer to help her with anything she needs, and if you need help ask your FI or hire a planner. </div>

AddieCake

I didn't read past "Do I switch her title?" 

Why on earth would you need to?

[Deleted User]

I'm very confused as to what you need an "able bodied" person for. BMs don't have duties, but even if you gave them some, I can't think of any that someone 5 months pregnant couldn't do. Unless you expect her to move tables or something...I don't know what you think it means to be pregnant but it's not a disability. Most women I know work right up until the day they go into labor. However, considering you don't know how to feel about one of your best friends having a child, excited is the correct response, BTW, she might be better off knowing where she stands.

allelsefaild

Yes, you're being selfish. My MOH is currently pregnant and since finding out, I've congratulated her and gone maternity clothes shopping with her. Most likely she'll be pregnant again by my wedding. (Yes, I asked too early, but I didn't know you were supposed to wait having never planned a wedding. Too late now, but she was always going to be in the WP.) Your MOH is your best friend and you're still supposed to be happy for her regardless of you planning a wedding.  She may surprise you too. My MOH decided to take me dress shopping after getting her maternity clothes. Totally unexpected and very much appreciated.

ETA: edited for organization and clarity.

bridalmarch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:e15ec1f8-7412-4e8c-ae25-27b8cf0a6e18">SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is in April She found out she's 2months pregnant earlier this week.  IDK how to feel about this. We have the dresses and everything. Do I switch her "title" or leave it? I dont want to STRESS her out however, I need to make sure that there is an able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help. AM I BEING SELFISH? Has this happened to anyone you know? WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE RESPOND ASAP!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nope, your MOH is the only woman who ever got pregnant, ever. What terrible luck it was around the time of your wedding day! She should crawl into bed immediately and not come out until her due date, particularly since she won't be able-bodied enough to stand on her own, zip up a dress, hold a bouquet, smile for a photo, make a speech, or dance. Life truly does stop for pregnancy. 

</div>

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:fed78be1-5f7d-4510-b0fe-12e988aa27d8">Re: SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]Life truly does stop for pregnancy. 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

And a wedding, which this selfish pig of a MOH clearly forgot when she went and got herself knocked up.

Summer2011Bride

You're being selfish.

One BM was due two weeks after our wedding. She had complications with her first pregnancy and there was a chance she wouldn't even be able to attend (she did and thankfully had a healthy 2nd delivery). I let her choose her own dress in the same color so she would be comfortable in it. I put a chair off to the side by the altar in case she needed to sit down during the ceremony. She danced the night away with her husband and daughter (GM and FG) and had a blast. End of story.

You don't kick her out, you don't demote her, you don't cause a fuss over this. If you need help planning, ask your FI or hire a wedding coordinator.

freebread03

This post HAS to be MUD, nobody would really write this...right?

allelsefaild

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:fed78be1-5f7d-4510-b0fe-12e988aa27d8">Re: SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW : Nope, your MOH is the only woman who ever got pregnant, ever. What terrible luck it was around the time of your wedding day! She should crawl into bed immediately and not come out until her due date, particularly since she won't be able-bodied enough to stand on her own, zip up a dress, hold a bouquet, smile for a photo, make a speech, or dance. Life truly does stop for pregnancy. 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

LOL I know a lot of people complain about the rudeness of responses, but I personally love the brutal honesty.

libby2483

Yep, you are being extremely selfish.

jlm9113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:b565e499-c076-444a-9839-63db786bd184">Re: SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes you're being selfish.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

I was just about to answer with this word for word.  Good thing I read through responses.

But just in case: Yes you're being selfish.

a) She has no obligation to help you with anything.  All she has to do is show up the day of, in an approved dress, while still sober.
b) Your MOH is PREGNANT.  Your wedding does not trump a baby.  Support your friend during this happy time.
c) If it's too much for your MOH let her tell you.  Aside from the extreme situations where there are complications during the pregnancy, pregnant women are perfectly able-bodied.  Yeesh.

warpedredpenguin

My MOH was NINE months pregnant at my wedding. She had a rough pregnancy, so even if she wanted to help with set up, she really wasn't up to it. And you know what, I didn't expect any help from her because 1, it's not her job to help with the wedding, it's not her party, and 2, my friend's comfort and health is more important than a party. 

She got a new dress, because she'd jumped the gun and bought the dress a year early anyway. You either let your MOH get a new dress or alter the one she has. 

The only thing I actually needed my MOH to do was lace up my dress, because my mom couldn't figure out a corset back. Little things like that, holding your bouquet, maybe straightening your train, are all things a pregant woman is capable of doing without getting a case of the vapors. Yes, you're overreacting and being selfish. You do nothing, and lower your expectations, which are unreasonable. 

ShannonEM

One of my BMs will be 8 months pregnant by my wedding.  She even offered to step down and my response was basically to laugh and then promptly refuse - the fact she is expecting is just happy news on top of my own happy news (i.e. I'm getting married!).  I told her she's in my wedding party because we are good friends and have been friends since jr high...that hasn't changed just because she is adding to her family!  

Did it make things trickier when it came to picking dresses? absolutely.  I had to compromise on a couple things, but I have no doubt at the end of it all I will be just as married, even if my bridesmaid dresses weren't what I first picked., and I will still have a great relationship with my friend.  That is all that matters.  And my wedding will look great - no one will ever know it wasn't my first choice

OliveOilsMom

My MOH was 5 months pregnant at my wedding.  We bought the BM dresses prior to her finding out she was pregnant.  This was my only concern, that she could potentially have to get a new dress.  But she knew, when ordering the dress, that she & her H would be TTC, so she ordered a couple sizes bigger and extra length. 

My MOH still did so much for me, when she felt like assisting me.  She helped assemble my invites and tie on bows for the favors.  She also managed to walk up and do a reading during our ceremony.  But she wanted to help, I didn't crack the whip and make her.  She was also my dd for my b-party and the wedding day, so it worked out great!  But again, she offered, it was not expected!

SJM7538

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:e15ec1f8-7412-4e8c-ae25-27b8cf0a6e18">SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is in April She found out she's 2months pregnant earlier this week.  IDK how to feel about this. We have the dresses and everything. Do I switch her "title" or leave it? I dont want to STRESS her out however, I need to make sure that there is an able bodied person available to help me whenever I need help. AM I BEING SELFISH? Has this happened to anyone you know? WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE RESPOND ASAP!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

Sooo.... your MOH is supposed to put off starting a family to help you with YOUR wedding. I assume you chose her to be your MOH is because she is your nearest and dearest friend....if thats the case then how about you just be happy for her and like you said not STRESS her out.

melb2013

This may be real- I know of people who think like this.  When I told some people that the only woman in our WP was pregnant, they were all like "how does that work?"...  Ummm it works?  She and I picked out a dress in a bigger size that she could have altered if she was pregnant or not- it's also a stretchy material that could stretch with her a bit.  She'll be 6 months pregnant at our wedding and it doesn't matter one bit.

stevens23146

********MIGHT I ADD, SHE IS MY COUSIN. Her dress is already to small. And cannot be altered! AND IM BEYOND HAPPY FOR HER, IM JUST NERVOUS AT THE FACT OF HER TRYING TO TAKE ON DIFFERENT TASK THAT SHE ASKED TO TAKE ON (PRIOR TO FINDING OUT SHE'S PREGNANT) So in my mind, those task were already handled while other BM'S decided to take up other task to help me out. I APPRECIATE ALL HONESTY!

 THANK Y'ALL FOR YOUR OPINIONS IT'S GREAT TO HERAR THINGS FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES!

SCD1126

my MOH was 7 months pg at my wedding and gave birth to a 12lb baby 2 months later. In other words she was BIG, but she was glowing and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else standing up for me. Life has led us in separate directions now, but at the time she was my closest friend.

Do what you can about the dress, but DO NOT give her the boot or demote her. Pregnancy is a normal condition, and doesn't make her handicapped LOL

Having been on the opposite side of this (I have 2 daughters from my first marriage), believe me, she sweat it telling you and was probably nervous as to how you'd react.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:a053685d-fdd1-4f60-8d0a-02c33f16a1c8">Re: SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]**** **** MIGHT I ADD,  SHE IS MY COUSIN.  Her dress is already to small. And cannot be altered!  AND  IM BEYOND HAPPY FOR HER ,<strong> IM JUST NERVOUS AT THE FACT OF HER TRYING TO TAKE ON DIFFERENT TASK THAT SHE ASKED TO TAKE ON (PRIOR TO FINDING OUT SHE'S PREGNANT) So in my mind, those task were already handled while other BM'S decided to take up other task to help me out. </strong> I APPRECIATE ALL HONESTY!   THANK Y'ALL FOR YOUR OPINIONS IT'S GREAT TO HERAR THINGS FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I get that the dress thing is difficult.  It is really difficult!  I'd suggest having her get a different dress in the same color.  Just be happy if she walks down the aisle in a dress that's a similar length and color.  </div><div>
</div><div>I don't understand the bolded part.  What tasks did she offer to take on before she was pregnant?  What tasks are your bridesmaids doing?  My WP isn't doing anything to prepare for the wedding.  My man of honor is throwing my FI and I a combo bach party, but that's it.  Otherwise, my FI, my mom, and I are handling everything related to the wedding.</div>

NYCMercedes

What task could your MOH possibly have to do? What tasks could your BM's possibly have to do?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:a053685d-fdd1-4f60-8d0a-02c33f16a1c8">Re: SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]**** **** MIGHT I ADD,  SHE IS MY COUSIN.  Her dress is already to small. And cannot be altered!  AND  IM BEYOND HAPPY FOR HER , IM JUST NERVOUS AT THE FACT OF HER TRYING TO TAKE ON DIFFERENT TASK THAT SHE ASKED TO TAKE ON (PRIOR TO FINDING OUT SHE'S PREGNANT) So in my mind, those task were already handled while other BM'S decided to take up other task to help me out.  I APPRECIATE ALL HONESTY!   THANK Y'ALL FOR YOUR OPINIONS IT'S GREAT TO HERAR THINGS FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

As I said in my earlier post, let her get a new dress that is similar in color and in a style that will fit her growing bump.

As for the tasks she said that she would take on.  That is very nice of her to help out as long as she volunteered.  But many things could have happened that would put a hault in her handling those tasks, not just her getting pregnant.  As a friend and a relative sometimes crap happens that prevents that person from helping you out even though they already said they would.  If she comes to you and says that she cannot do X, Y or Z for you anymore then nicely say "that's fine, I completely understand, do not even worry about it."  But in my mind I cannot for the life of me think of anything that she volunteered to do for you that she couldn't do now that she is pregnant.

Also, OP, could you please stop using caps at random times in your posts.  We get that you are nervous and stressed and what not, but there is no need for yelling.  Thanks!

brittany634

TWO of my bridesmaids were pregnant at my wedding, one gave birth three days before my wedding, AND she still showed up much to my telling her 100 times I understood if she couldn't make it.. You're being selfish.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soooo-my-moh-called-and-told-me-shes-pregnantomw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6be32b92-abdb-463a-bf71-0a971f8b8f97Post:83c9bd88-4f98-4dc4-8ff1-295997cc5c8e">Re: SOOOO, my MOH called and told me she's pregnant..OMW</a>:
[QUOTE]TWO of my bridesmaids were pregnant at my wedding, <strong>one gave birth three days before my wedding, AND she still showed up </strong>much to my telling her 100 times I understood if she couldn't make it.. You're being selfish.
Posted by brittany634[/QUOTE]

Wow, now that is impressive!!

brittany634

Maggie- I know, I was so excited, she's my closest friend, and while I was estatic that I was becoming a "aunt" I of course wanted her there, and I kept telling her, I understnad I undertand and she was like I'm coming! haha

btw I LOVE your new sig picture.