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Father/Step mother drama!!!!!

Ok so just to give you guys a quick back story. I do not get a long well with my step mom. She has kicked me out of their house 3 seperate times for silly reasons and we always fight because she bad talks my mom and I just can't handle the lies. Anyway, through out the whole wedding planning process it seems like we get in fights over the DUMBEST things. She is mad because I am wearing 2 dresses, my mom's dress for the ceremony and a dress I bought for the reception. Then she gets mad that I am not putting parents names on the invites (I am paying for 95% of the wedding and my mom is paying for the rest). Silly things like that.

So here is my dilemma and I really don't know what to do. I have decided that I want both my dad and step-dad to walk me down the aisle. My dad will get the daddy/daughter dance and my step dad I have asked to give the FOB speech. I am absolutly terried to tell my dad about my decision. My parents and their spouses HATE eachother, to the point I am pretty sure my dad and his wife will leave the wedding really early to avoid my mom. My step-dad has told me he has no problem stepping aside if my dad gets upset about it, but I want him there and apart of my day. So I am torn. Part of me wants to tell him now so if there is a big blow out we can work through it before the wedding and its one less thing to stress about, the half wants to wait until the week of or the rehearsal dinner hoping they will be adults about it and not say anything until after the wedding. But with my step-mom and her history with me I don't think the second one will happen. Help! Please! What should I do???
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Re: Father/Step mother drama!!!!!

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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2011
    I think you should have a sit down, with your dad only because it sounds like your step-mom won't be very accepting of your idea, and lay it out for him.  Remind all parents that this is not about them, it's about you and your FI and the joining of your lives.  But be prepared for the worst.

    Oh, and your step-mom, stop discussing wedding plans with her if it's causing you two to fight.  It's not worth it and you're paying for your wedding so you really don't need her input.

    Good luck.
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    I completely agree with jagore08. I would sit down alone with your father and lay everything out for him. It sounds like both your dad and step dad have been large parts of your life and even though they may not like eachother I'm sure your father appreciates your step dad accepting as his own child. Your situation with the invitations is similar to mine but its my grandmother whos being a pain. I do think you should include your mother on the invites only because she is paying part of it, even if its a little bit, its still pitching in and its a nice gensture to recognise that on the invites. This could start another argument for you though. So, ultimately if you think it would cause more stress then good, by all means ignore me lol 

    My grandmother freaked out on me when she showed up unannounced and proceeded to go through our wedding box and saw that I put "presented by the parents of" then my name and my FI name on our invitations. My parents are paying the room minimum and his mom and step dad are pitching in 2,000. My FI and I are responsible for everything else. My FI dad and step mother arent pitching anything in and my grandmother thinks its "not right" for us to imply that they are contributing when they really aren't. I understand that she does have a small and I repeat a small point but my FI and I are VERY close to his father and step mother. They remind me a lot of my parents and even before we started dating I felt comfortable enough around them to call them Daddy Walt and Mama Beth. I tried explaining to her that we don't want to hurt their feelings and we know if we were to ask them to help they wouldn't hesitate to do it but shes a stubborn pain in the butt and wont listen. Unlike you (and this is going to sound horrible but its just how our relationship has always been) I can tell my grandmother to get over it and this is how its going to be done and she can voice her opinion when we ask for it.
    I really hope things get easier for you. Who knows maybe your wedding day will be the one day everyone acts like they love eachother! lol Theres always hope at happy events. 
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    For this very reason, I do not discuss wedding plans with my parents. Even though both my mom and dad are paying for the wedding(each have given me a set amount to work with.) Neither have asked for details, nor do I offer them. I let them know the details they need to know and that's it. I would just let your father know what you have planned, and if he or your stepmother complain, just remind them that it is your and your FI's wedding and that your stepfather is as much a part of your life as your stepmother(I also do not get along with my stepmother, but we tend to pretend to like eachother to eachother's faces, so I know this would shut her up) so you would like to honor the dedication he put in to raising you. HTH Smile
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