Issues with the bridesmaid's budget

michaljonathan

I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid and she said yes which is GREAT!  But now I can't seem to find a dress to fit her budget that I love and fits in my view of the wedding.  My dress is very formal and classy, I'm having the reception at a Country Club, and everything is glamorous.  however, she says that she can only afford $100 for the dress, shoes, alterations, and accesories.  The dresses that fit in my ideal wedding party range from $150-250.  What do I do?  Do I ask her to step down?  Do I tell her that I can't find a dress that would be in her budget and she needs to raise it?  I'm at a total loss. 

banana468

Aerin has some fabulous solutions.

ExpatPumpkin

I don't mean to be rude, but if you're having such a formal, classy, and glamorous wedding, can't you subsidize her dress purchase?  If you want a $200 dress and she can only afford $100, you pay the difference...  It sounds like you have the money

Also, ditto the other posters about allowing all of your BMs to wear what ever shoes, jewelry, etc. they wish.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_issues-bridesmaids-budget?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6f84d4cf-1811-4e47-8543-dd4b76a87dd2Post:a2ebe93b-9c43-4812-9cb5-94b640eefd80">Issues with the bridesmaid's budget</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid and she said yes which is GREAT!  But now I can't seem to find a dress to fit her budget that I love and fits in my view of the wedding.  My dress is very formal and classy, I'm having the reception at a Country Club, and everything is glamorous.  however, she says that she can only afford $100 for the dress, shoes, alterations, and accesories.  The dresses that fit in my ideal wedding party range from $150-250.  What do I do? <strong> Do I ask her to step down?</strong>  Do I tell her that I can't find a dress that would be in her budget and she needs to raise it?  I'm at a total loss. 
Posted by michaljonathan[/QUOTE]

I can't believe that this would even be an option for you. You care about her enough to want her to be in your WP, but you are willing to kick her out over this? Just pay for the difference.

emilyinchile

Do I tell her that I can't find a dress that would be in her budget and she needs to raise it?

Umm, her budget is what it is for a reason. It's not some arbitrary number pulled out of the sky - it's the total amount she can afford. How do you suggest she raise it? Give up food for a week?

PPs have given you good advice. Personally I'd say stop looking at "bridesmaid dresses" and start looking at solid colored dresses from normal stores...most dresses marketed as for BMs start above $100 (some notable exceptions at David's Bridal). Also if it's a dress from a normal store, she'll be able to try on her size and probably not have to guess a size and end up paying for alterations. And definitely let them ALL wear shoes and accessories they already have or can borrow, no need for them to be totally matchy matchy.

banana468

Right - you can't tell someone, "You need to raise your budget," when what that person is doing is something FOR you.

Instead, it's time to think creatively.  You can definitely find lower-priced gowns but it will require a bit of searching.

suz62984

Pay for the difference.  It would be EXTREMELY rude and btw "btichy" to ask her to step down because she can't afford it!!! Telling her to "raise the budget" would be outrageous too.  Maybe you should "raise your budget" and pay for her dress and alterations...How does that feel?

mbcdefg

Option 1:

Find a way to work with her budget. Meaning ... find a cheaper dress, contribute some/all of the cost as a favor to her, look for a used or wholesale version of the dress you want. Also, don't require specific shoes and pro hair/makeup to alleviate some of the financial burden on her.

Option 2:

Tell her, "Sorry, but I don't want you standing up next to me on my wedding day if you can't afford the things I want you to wear."

ecsmiles

You could have the girls wear black dresses of their choosing.  Most likely, they already own one, and if not they can purchase one within their price ranges easily.  Black will always look classy.

But honestly - You really need to take a step back and think about this.  You're saying that a dress is more important than your friendship with this person.  Asking her to step down becuase its out of her budget is horrible - Not only will you lose her as a friend, but you'll probably lose a few more mutual ones who won't think of you in the same way...

mbcdefg

And also, you don't ask a bridesmaid for her budget so you can see if that syncs up with the dress you want. You ask them their budgets so that you have a starting point to BEGIN LOOKING for dresses.

What was the point of asking her for a budget if you don't want to stick to it?

Bride: "Hey BM, what can you afford to spend on a dress?"
BM: "I think I can afford about $X."
Bride: "Oh. Well, I want you to be able to spend $Y, so we have a problem here."

?????

mm45737

i would just pay the difference if i were you. for my wedding, i wanted a flower girl dress that was $180. (yes, for a flower girl dress). i'm super picky, but i also knew that price was ridiculous for a dress the little girls would grow out of in no time. so i told their parents to pitch in what that could, and i paid the rest. 

my BM dresses were $210 each, but i was able to talk them down to $180. luckily my BM were all ok w/ the price, because they were black dresses that can be worn again. and they all fell in love w/ them. i had 1 BM that ended up having a problem, and so I paid the rest of the money for her (only like $40). 

And (sorry, i'm rambling) I was asked to be in a wedding once and told the bride that i couldn't accept because i was out of work at the time and wouldnt be able to afford the dress. she offered to pay for the whole dress for me. i felt bad accepting that, so we worked out a deal- she paid for the dress, and i paid her back once i got a job. my pojnt is, there are plenty of things that can be done to make it work if you want her in your wedding.