Input please:: LONG!

kitcat018

Its a long story, but in short terms, my real mom left when I was 7 years old. Ever since then, I had a hard and difficult relationship with her and pretty much had to write her off as a mom. She was never there for birthdays, memories, events. She did come to my graduation, but that was because she wanted to see my brothers. I never talk to her and I never see her and that is it.

Well when I was about 10, my dad remarried "V" and I viewed this woman to be my mother as she was there for everything that I went through and then plus some. My dad and her divorced when I was almost 15  and I causally stayed in touch with her over the years. When I was 19, my dad's evil new gf/wife kicked me out and "V" took me in as her child and I lived with her until I was confident and independent enough to move on my own. Since then I talk to her and occasionally we get coffee and lunch, and remained "friends".

Once I got engaged, she told me that she wants to be there for me and I have openingly accpeted that. Although, I have not invited her to certain events she wants to be there for me on my big day. In the meantime, my father has become super supportive of me and my FI. 

 Well my dad out of the blue IMs me and asks if I have talked to "V" , I said no. He sent me an email that she sent him, in regards to wanting to represent herself as my mother at my wedding. My dad feels that she shouldnt be doing that and blah blah blah...

 I feel confessed about it because she was the only mother figure I had in my life, but she not my mom, and I have worked our entire wedding ceremony and recepection on that concept of not having the mother of the bride there. 

 I want her to be included but what do I do, I dont want to upset my dad, I dont want to upset her, and I dont want to regret any actions that I might make. 

 

Advice please!!!!

bablingbrooke

If "V" has always been the person you consider your mother, then I think you should have her in the wedding as the MOB.  It would really honor the relationship you have had.  It sounds like that's what you really want anyway.  She may not be your birth mom, but she has been your mom.  

If your father doesn't like that, too bad for him.

ffmaid

The role of MOB is not a huge one in terms of teh wedding day.
In some families but not all the mom processes in at the beginning. In your case I would skip this entirely.
In most cases the MOB gets a corsage. I would in your shoes give V a corsage I would also consider giving your birth mom and step mom corsages.
Other then that there are not traditional public things associated with being MOB.
Perhaps V can hang out with you while you get ready or go the day ahead and get a manicure with you this may make her feel special without public slight to either your birth mom or current step mom.

SarahPLiz

I think that if you planned it as having no MOB, then keep it that way. You can honor her by giving her a corsage. Heck, even an invitation is an honor if your dad has remarried. From 10-15 is a very formative time in a girl's life and i can understand that you are close. To me, this is more of a godmother type of position. Maybe have her as a reader in the ceremony, or let her give a toast at the reception. Definitely have her seated by an usher in the front row, with family.

mbcdefg

I agree with Sarah.

jeannigirl

I do agree that this "V" is important and she should be able to come has your guest, you can include her in something if you so choose or she can just be your guest and sit close to your table.

I think that personally that your father is being childish if he is telling you that she can't be there. Just because he divorced her doesn't mean that you did. Some parents just don't grasp that has they think just because they don't want nothing to do with their ex their children should also follow suit.

If I was in this situation I would tell my father that this person is important to me has she has been there through my teenage years. She is going to be invited and I hope that you can set aside your feelings for this one day. GL hon!