update to bachelorette snafu

saisongbird

So...she hasn't returned phone messages, email, or IM.  I'm stuck.  All the advice I've been given says to talk to her, and I can't.

FI says I've done all I can do and then some, since I can't plan when there are people going back and forth on their word.  Logically I know that.  Emotionally I don't.  All I can think is that I'm failing my best friend. I look at it from her perspective and I can understand why she's upset, but she doesn't have all the info I have.  And until she talks to me, I can't get that info to her.  I just can't let it go.

stina93446

Personally, I think you should skip the pole dancing. I got the sense that it was expensive/too expensive from your first thread and I don't think a b party should cost that much on top of dinner unless everyone is comfortable with it. Why not pick something that's a little more affordable with dinner?

swim1011

I'm with stage.  First, she wants a really expensive party, and now won't answer your phone calls/texts/emails bc she's not hearing what she wants to hear?  I would leave a message letting her know the party is off, and see how fast you hear back from her.

emilyinchile

I'm overwhelmed just trying to follow this saga - I can imagine how you must be feeling! Just do your best to let her know what the situation is, that's all you can do. If she chooses to be a 5 year old and ignore you, that doesn't mean that you're being a bad friend.

ohwhynot

She's being a brat.  Sorry you're going through all this. 

FWIW, there is no way in holy hell I'd shell out the kind of $$ you're talking about for a bachelorette party ON TOP of all the other expenses associated with being in a wedding (or even attending one).  In this economy, she was asking waaaay too much from the get-go.

Give the party you can afford, and not one dime more.  A true friend wouldn't ask any more than that! 

gottahavashorti

You've really done all you can while respecting peoples' budgets.  Even those who changed their minds about the pole dancing may have been pressured into it. 

Give her a couple days to calm down and if she still hasn't realized that she is being completely unreasonable, just skp the bachelorette party.  Hopefully she will realize that she is not entitled to a pole dancing party and her friends are trying to give her as nice of a party as possible.

banana468

Honestly, I can understand why you'd feel guilty as a friend.

But as an outsider, I want to shake that bride for you.  She has no idea how good she has it and she's biting the hand that feeds her. 

saisongbird

Banana and the other wonderful ladies here,

I hear you, especially because I know I'm trying.  Thanks for the encouragement.  I still haven't heard anything.

I'm trying to see it from her point of view, and from her point of view, I would be mad and disappointed too.  But I'd still call back someone who has been trying to reach me.

banana468

One of my dear friends said something and the words ring true, "You may not be able to control how you feel, but you can control your BEHAVIOR."

We're talking about a grown adult here.  Yes, she can be disappointed, but this is no way to treat a friend who is actually trying to do something nice.