Need advice - MOH/sister situation

dfernandez83

I got engaged over a year ago and unfortunately my relationship with my sister (who's also my MOH) has become a bit of a challenge.  Everytime I tell my sister something wedding-related, she changes the subject so that the converstion will be focused on her, or she acts as if she's not interested.  I had a conversation with her a couple weeks ago and told her that sometimes I feel like she's not happy for me and that she doesn't seem interested in participating in the wedding.  I even asked her if I can do something that would make this whole experience more "bearable" for her.  She explained to me that she does feel a bit resentful of the fact that I'm getting married first (I'm the younger sister of the two), and that there are a lot of big changes happening in my life.  She also feels like everyone is so focused on the wedding that everyone has forgotten that she's around and that she's got her own thing going on. 

Although I completely understand her situation, I feel that sometimes I have to compromise my feelings and control my behaviour just so that I don't get her upset.  I'm at a point where I'm not even comfortable bringing up anything wedding related because I know I'll get a negative reaction.   This has been going on for so long and I don't think it's going to get any better.  I just don't know what to do, and I was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with a similar situation.

mbcdefg

Some people can't just suck it up and act interested in other people's happiness, if they are depressed. And if she's always been the type of person who likes attention, and/or who's a, "Woe is me, I don't have a boyfriend" person, then honestly you should've known that before you asked her to be MOH.

But remember that there is a HUGE difference between her being interested in your wedding plans, versus her being supportive of your marriage. And there is also a big difference between her putting on a happy face for your one year+ engagement, versus her putting on a happy face for your wedding day.

Some people are just not into helping other people plan parties. Let's face it, other people's weddings can be really boring or uninteresting sometimes ... you have to hear about THEIR ideas and act like you love everything they come up with, even if you think it's ridiculous or unnecessary or totally not your style. And since your engagement has lasted over a year already, she may very well be just burned out on it.

So if she's kind to your and your FI, and if she is happy for you two, then I would just let it go. Don't bring up wedding stuff around her, and instead concentrate on your regular relationship with her. She'll be your MOH for one day, but your sister for a lifetime. Having a chat with her about, "You're not as happy for my wedding as I'd like you to be" can come across as you being pretentious and self-absorbed to her (or others) and I don't know if that's a risk you want to take, all in the name of getting her to act more interested in yoru wedding plans. Quite honestly, I'd be very hurt and annoyed if someone sat me down and said that I wasn't acting interested enough in her wedding, and that would make me LESS inclined to be happy for her.

mrsamyjones

since you have already had the conversation with her that most of us would have suggested it's clear that she's a little resentful so now it's time to just respect what she has said, lay off the wedding talk with her and ask about how she's doing and focus you're conversations about other things

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:706422b3-db2c-439c-9f6b-3aad615e4618">Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged over a year ago and unfortunately my relationship with my sister (who's also my MOH) has become a bit of a challenge.  Everytime I tell my sister something wedding-related, she changes the subject so that the converstion will be focused on her, or she acts as if she's not interested.  I had a conversation with her a couple weeks ago and told her that sometimes I feel like she's not happy for me and that she doesn't seem interested in participating in the wedding.  I even asked her if I can do something that would make this whole experience more "bearable" for her.  She explained to me that she does feel a bit resentful of the fact that I'm getting married first (I'm the younger sister of the two), and that there are a lot of big changes happening in my life.  She also feels like everyone is so focused on the wedding that everyone has forgotten that she's around and that she's got her own thing going on.  Although I completely understand her situation, I feel that sometimes I have to compromise my feelings and control my behaviour just so that I don't get her upset.  I'm at a point where I'm not even comfortable bringing up anything wedding related because I know I'll get a negative reaction.   This has been going on for so long and I don't think it's going to get any better.  I just don't know what to do, and I was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with a similar situation.
Posted by dfernandez83[/QUOTE]

mwhitson14

Stop with the wedding talk, plain and simple. There's no need to discuss anything with her until it's time to buy a dress. So help her through this time by talking to her about what's going on with her and maybe plan some together time that doesn't involve the wedding.

SarahPLiz

So, she's your sister. You should try ot respect her feelings. If she doesn't want to talk about the wedding, then leave her out of the details. How about you pay attention to what is going on in her life as well? Jsut because she is your MOH doesnt mean she wants to help plan your wedding.


Having self control and taking hte feelings of others into consideration is part of growing up. Its called emotional intelligence. To continue only talking about what you want to talk about and ignoring her feelings and what is going on with her is just selfish. Being a bride does not give you permission to treat others, especially family and friends, with any less consideration than you would if you were not getting married.
 

Be a good sister and a good friend first. The wedding is one day, your relationship with her is forever.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:706422b3-db2c-439c-9f6b-3aad615e4618">Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm at a point where I'm not even comfortable bringing up anything wedding related because I know I'll get a negative reaction.
Posted by dfernandez83[/QUOTE]

You answered your own question.

The girl doesn't want to talk about your wedding. So your choices are either to accept that and have fun with her talking about other stuff or to continue talking about it and accept that she's going to seem uninterested because she is. I'm sure you have other friends or relatives who are more interested in the wedding talk, so save it for them, and enjoy time with your sister focused on any other topic.

karialex

I'm going to throw in my 2 cents... I'm from the perspective of the uninterested MOH.

My best friend of 14 yrs got married a couple of years ago and she had asked me to be her MOH. Ever since we were children we promised each other to be each other's MOH. But I was bitter about her engagement. I realize this situation is probably very different from your own, but my best friend was 21 years old, had just broken up from her 2nd fiance only 4 months prior to starting to date her now husband, had only been dating her now husband for 3 months before they agreed to marry, and they were only engaged for 1 month before they got married. I thought she was being reckless and in a hurry to get to the alter. After all, he was her 3rd fiance and she was only 21 years old. She expected me to drop everything that was going on in my life (including the break up of my relationship with a man I had been with for 5 years and thought I was going to marry the same month she got engaged), and be all happy and full of rainbows and butterflies for her. We had several arguements because she was frustrated with my lack of interest, and I was frustrated that she didn't think all of this through, and prolong her engagement just in case.
Closer to her actual wedding (a whole 3 weeks later), I decided to put my distaste for the wedding aside and show her that I do care about her and do suppoer her. It was very diffifult, however, because I was still grieving the end of my relationship. It's hard for sad people to be happy for happy people. And it didn't help that she was so happy that she didn't want to hear how unhappy I was, even though I had patiently listened to her.

So my advice to you is, see if your sister has anything upsetting going on in her life that she feels like she can't tell you because you're so happy for yourself and in love (which you should be, don't get me wrong). She needs her sister as much as you need yours. As a current bride to be, I understand that it is difficult not to talk about the wedding because of all the excitement that can't be contained, but she may be full of a sadness that can't be contained. Ask her about what is going on with her life and listen patiently. Give her support and love her. Don't talk about wedding stuff when her story comes out, but rather save wedding stuff for a time that you don't dedicate to her. One of the worst feelings in the world is to have your feelings ignored, especially by the ones you love the most. That goes for the both of you. So make time for both of your feelings.

mrsturner_2b

I really think you need to do you for your wedding & don't let anyone ruin your experience. I also think your sister shouldn't let society dictate what's right and wrong for her. Just because you're younger and getting married and she's not, doesn't mean she's less of a disirable person than you are. Things just happen at a different time for people is all. My sister who is 5yrs my senior got married in May and I was elated!! Not once was I jelous or resentful. I was so happy to help her plan, I even paid for all her flowers for the wedding and reception. I'm getting married next November, and it is happening at the best time for me. If you can't get her to be happy for you than just ignore her and nominate a bridesmaid to help you with planning without demoting your sister as MOH. That's what I do when I see that my MOH has had enough wedding talk for the day, I go to one of my bridesmaids. Much luck & congrats!

zeptattoo

You have made your position clear.  She needs to grow up.  If she was that jealous then she should not have taken the position to begin with.  Have you discussed this with your parents so they are at least aware of the situation?

If her behavior begins to affect her duties, get rid of her.  I had to do that with my sister, and it totally sucked, but my new MOH was fantastic!  My sister's behavior was so bad that she was never availible to discuss things like the shower or dresses and I was constantly leaving viocemails and e-mails that were never answered or answered very late.  I gave my cousin and parents a heads-up and just did it.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:6a16a60c-d932-4471-b4ec-535792dcc50a">Re: Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I really think you need to do you for your wedding & don't let anyone ruin your experience. I also think your sister shouldn't let society dictate what's right and wrong for her. Just because you're younger and getting married and she's not, doesn't mean she's less of a disirable person than you are. Things just happen at a different time for people is all. My sister who is 5yrs my senior got married in May and I was elated!! Not once was I jelous or resentful. I was so happy to help her plan, I even paid for all her flowers for the wedding and reception. I'm getting married next November, and it is happening at the best time for me. If you can't get her to be happy for you than just ignore her and nominate a bridesmaid to help you with planning without demoting your sister as MOH. That's what I do when I see that my MOH has had enough wedding talk for the day, I go to one of my bridesmaids. Much luck & congrats!
Posted by mrsturner_2b[/QUOTE]

That's great that you were so supportive of your sister, but not everyone cares about weddings that much or is in a place in their own lives to be that excited for someone else's good news.

OP, please do not nominate a BM to help you plan. You already have someone to help you plan - your FI. If any of your girls are into the wedding enough to volunteer to help, great, but no couple should expect other people to run wedding errands for them.

red5472

My MOH was my best friend and I saw some of the same signs that you have.  MOH was not interested in the bridal shower, I had no batchelorett party and I felt like it was a struggle to get her to attend her dress fittings!   Needless to say on my wedding day she even made it more obvious to me and my family that she was not there for "me"   My biggest regret is that I trusted her with helping me to get dressed.  While she attended my fittings and she agreed and knew that she was to dress me, she actually told me at the hotel that she didn't know how she was suppose to do this!   Needless to say there wasn't anything I could do at that point, so I called my next best friend (who was a groomsman) he actually came down and helped me get dressed.  While it is a memory that I will treasure because he and I are very close friends, all of my pictures look horrible because he had no idea on how to put a wedding dress on someone!  He's a man after-all!      Regardless of what people tell you-- This IS YOUR DAY!    I would tell your sister that you understand what she has told you and that you do not want to hurt her, but you need to know if she wants to be the MOH or is there something else that she would rather do for you, tell her that you love her and want her included in the wedding, but that you do not want to cause her any pain or hurt her feelings in anyway.-- Good Luck!!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:da0d526c-b0f9-4da0-8881-912cc52dbb97">Re: Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH was my best friend and I saw some of the same signs that you have.  MOH was not interested in the bridal shower, I had no batchelorett party and I felt like it was a struggle to get her to attend her dress fittings!   Needless to say on my wedding day she even made it more obvious to me and my family that she was not there for "me"   My biggest regret is that I trusted her with helping me to get dressed.  While she attended my fittings and she agreed and knew that she was to dress me, she actually told me at the hotel that she didn't know how she was suppose to do this!   Needless to say there wasn't anything I could do at that point, so I called my next best friend (who was a groomsman) he actually came down and helped me get dressed.  While it is a memory that I will treasure because he and I are very close friends, all of my pictures look horrible because he had no idea on how to put a wedding dress on someone!  He's a man after-all!      Regardless of what people tell you-- This IS YOUR DAY!    I would tell your sister that you understand what she has told you and that you do not want to hurt her, but you need to know if she wants to be the MOH or is there something else that she would rather do for you, tell her that you love her and want her included in the wedding, but that you do not want to cause her any pain or hurt her feelings in anyway.-- Good Luck!!
Posted by red5472[/QUOTE]

Oh please tell me you're joking. 

Anyway.  Not talking about the wedding with her isn't "hiding your happiness," it's "not being annoying."  Seriously, everyone gets burned out on the wedding eventually, even you will.  Just keep her on a need to know basis, and don't pester her with every little detail of your planning.  You can still talk to her about other things, and can even make an effort to find out what's going on in her life.  Just keep an open dialogue with her, and keep the wedding out of it.  Hopefully you have other things going on in your life that you can talk about.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:da0d526c-b0f9-4da0-8881-912cc52dbb97">Re: Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH was my best friend and I saw some of the same signs that you have.  MOH was not interested in the bridal shower, I had no batchelorett party and I felt like it was a struggle to get her to attend her dress fittings!   Needless to say on my wedding day she even made it more obvious to me and my family that she was not there for "me"   My biggest regret is that I trusted her with helping me to get dressed.  While she attended my fittings and she agreed and knew that she was to dress me, she actually told me at the hotel that she didn't know how she was suppose to do this!   Needless to say there wasn't anything I could do at that point, so I called my next best friend (who was a groomsman) he actually came down and helped me get dressed.  While it is a memory that I will treasure because he and I are very close friends, all of my pictures look horrible because he had no idea on how to put a wedding dress on someone!  He's a man after-all!      Regardless of what people tell you-- This IS YOUR DAY!    I would tell your sister that you understand what she has told you and that you do not want to hurt her, but you need to know if she wants to be the MOH or is there something else that she would rather do for you, tell her that you love her and want her included in the wedding, but that you do not want to cause her any pain or hurt her feelings in anyway.-- Good Luck!!
Posted by red5472[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I'm horrified by this.

jeannigirl

Yea this is what I think kick out all the losers in your WP's and go on a job hunt and tell all your friends to fill out an appt's and questionaries and then intervew then and see which ones are willing to be at your beck and call for the next year or two or three.

Let me know how that works for you.  I mean seriously come on already??

jeannigirl

Hey red where was mom in all this. Alot of times its mom helping. Just curious

kbatchellor

Red- I think that's an awesome story and it really shows what can happen when you ask women who you thought were important to you to stand up with you and instead ruin what should be a very happy day.  I'm glad you had a close friend there to help you.

As for the original discussion: I'm sorry you're in such an awful situation.  I was once the little sister who had dated a man for longer and was a bridesmaid.  It sucked!  I was resentful but I wasn't ready for that big step so I put it aside.  Now its my turn. 

I think that your sister needs to stuff it.  There are just women out there who need all the attention for themselves all the time.  While she may have some horrible thing going on in her life, she should be able to push that aside and be happy for you no matter how long your engagement is.  While she doesn't have to dance in circles every time the wedding comes around, she should at least be supportive.  My advice would be to ignore her.  Ask some of your other bridesmaids to fill in the responsibilities and if your sister begins to feel left out that way, tell her why your made this decision.  Do what you need to do to feel that your wedding day will be as perfect as you want it.

Good luck!

molly_esposito

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's fair for YOU, the BRIDE to stop talking about your wedding and to tip toe around your sister's feelings!!!!  I guarantee once she's engaged she'll be ALL about her wedding and expect your to be nothing but happy for her.  She needs to get over herself and realize that this isn't about her whatsoever.

MyNameIsNot

I can't believe how many people come on here and openly admit how awful they would or have treated their friends.  I guess the anonymity of the internet has something to do with it.  Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves!

OP, please don't be one of these people.  Your sister will still be your sister long after you are married.  How you behave toward her now has a lot to do with how your relationship will look then.  She's done the hard thing and been honest with you about how she feels.  Now be the caring sister, respect how she feels, and realize that your relationship with her is so much more important than planning your wedding.

cellarius

i totally agree mbcdefg & mynameisnot. the first thing i thought when i read your op was well if you've been engaged for a year you've probably been constantly talking about it for that long & while it's not going to get old to you because it's your wedding it's going to get very old to others esp your older sister. unless you're asking her to specifically do something wedding related or going shopping for dresses etc then don't bring it up to/around her. she's actually expressed how she feels so respect it.

banana468

I honestly can't believe some of that red.

To the OP, I think you need to back off a bit on your pre-wedding enthusiasm.  Your sister sounds jealous but if you keep bringing up the wedding then it can come across as rubbing it in her face.

When my MOH's sister got engaged (just two months after DH proposed), she planned elaborate announcements over holiday meals (as if the diamond on her finger wasn't cause enough to make a few phone calls) and even got a few digs in, "I know isn't it unbelievable when I'm the YOUNGER sister?"  My MOH wanted to gag a few times even though she was truly excited for her sister.

I'm not saying that's what you're doing but I think you need to back off on the wedding cheerleading for now and focus on your friendship and relationship with your sister.  And in the meantime for your own life don't be so focused on your wedding.  It's just one day that's gone so fast.  If  you make that the focus of your attention for over a year forsaking your relationships, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

emilyinchile

All I'm going to say is check out the post count on some of the people who're telling you that you should tell your sister to shut up. Personally, I've really had my eyes opened to how to just chill and enjoy wedding planning without being stressed thanks to these boards, so I do think that the people who've been around here longer might have better advice than totally new posters (who are often newly engaged and - like most newly engaged people including myself a few months ago - have no clue).

And red, I am a grown up and therefore can dress myself. It's a wedding dress, not a puzzle.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:da0d526c-b0f9-4da0-8881-912cc52dbb97">Re: Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH was my best friend and I saw some of the same signs that you have.  MOH was not interested in the bridal shower, I had no batchelorett party and I felt like it was a struggle to get her to attend her dress fittings!   Needless to say on my wedding day she even made it more obvious to me and my family that she was not there for "me" 

 My biggest regret is that I trusted her with helping me to get dressed.  While she attended my fittings and she agreed and knew that she was to dress me, she actually told me at the hotel that she didn't know how she was suppose to do this!   Needless to say there wasn't anything I could do at that point, so I called my next best friend (who was a groomsman) he actually came down and helped me get dressed.  While it is a memory that I will treasure because he and I are very close friends, all of my pictures look horrible because he had no idea on how to put a wedding dress on someone!  He's a man after-all!      Regardless of what people tell you-- This IS YOUR DAY!
Posted by red5472[/QUOTE]

Really??  Seriously??  I had a few BM and a SIL or 2 help me with my wedding dress. We were all in the same room when it was time and whoever was there just started helping.   My sister (MOH) started to help, but then had to get dressed herself.    Point is I did not 'assign' someone to dress me.  (I had a corest back, so I needed the help).  But I knew someone would just jump in and help.

 I've been a MOH 3 times and I really can't remember being 'assigned' that job either.  Some of them the mom helped.  Other times whoever was there at the time helped.

 I'm not saying I didn't help, but it was not a 'job' and certainly was not something that would define me as a friend.

SarahPLiz

Red, let me give you an example of what we are proposing that hte OP does.

My little sister is VERY into religion. I love her to death, but we just have different ideologies and focuses in our lives. I love spending time with her, but we have had the talk on several occaisions and have agreed to disagree and not discuss religion any further. I still love her. She is still one of my MOHs. And guess what.. she is still just as excited about religion as she was before we decided not to talk about it anymore. She can be excited about her passions and I can be excited about mine, and we are still sisters, and we still talk very often. I take special care to NOT talk about the wedding all the time and to ask her about her life too, because I CARE about her life and what is going on. Its not about squasing my enthusiasm, its about caring about her.

The OP's current passion is her wedding. However, there has to be other things going on in her world besides wedding planning that she can talk about. No one is saying not to be happy and passionate about planning her wedding, but we are saying that if it makes her sister uncomfortable, or her sister is not interested in talking about it, then drop the subject and move on to another. There is no need to squash her enthusiasm, just to redirect it to a more appropriate time and conversation.

Relationships with friends and family are give and take. The give and take are not always equal, and that is to be expected. If you are only around others so that they can support you, and you don't support them back, then you are selfish, and your relationships will not last. I think some of you need to learn a little emotional intelligence.

ANd lastly, if you LET a person ruin your day, then its YOUR fault. I have been in a lot of weddings, and something always differs from the actual plan. If you let that get to you, then you have ruined your own day. If you let that your MOH wasnt comfortable handling your very expensive dress ruin your day, then you aren't excited enough about marrying your FI. Put your effort into relationships.. they are what last long after all the party-goers go home.

jeannigirl

I stand behind the last 4 girls who posted they have it right on the mark. Not talking about OP. I sure hope you do not take the bad advice of these newbie posters. I can understand that it is upsetting to not have your sis on board about the excitment. Seriously there will be noone has excited about this for the next year or so has you.

Has the other gals have spoken don't talk wedding with her. She is expereincing some things and sounds like she has some depression going on. Thats not always easy to kick especially when their are others around you that are happy and stuff. Try to put yourself in her place and just let her know that you are there with her if she needs you, be a sister first before anything.

You can talk to us here we all love weddings thats why we are here and also to help troubleshoot and give you some sound advice. Enjoy your day even if your sis can't share in that excitment. Believe me she will look back on this and know that you were there for her. Give your sis a big hug and tell her that you love her and that you care about her. You don't have to let her drag you down. Noone has that kind of control over us unless we let them.

As the old sayign goes this too shall pass. Remember you are marrying the man that you have waited for.

kbatchellor

"newbie posters?" really? can we be adults? just because some of us deal with our sisters differently due to our personal expierences with them doesn't make us horrible people.  i've been super excited for my sister on numerous occasions and asked for nothing back.  it's her turn.  just because we say to ignore bad behavior doesn't mean forget her feelings, it means be an adult.

MyNameIsNot

just because some of us deal with our sisters differently due to our personal expierences with them doesn't make us horrible people.

You recommended to the OP that she tell her sister, who is admittedly having a hard time with this, to get over it and shut up and be excited about her wedding.  If that's how you treat your sister, that's your business.  But telling someone else to behave that way is just awful.  You may not be a horrible person, but you are giving horrible advice.

kbatchellor

and this is where the internet sucks.  humor? anyone? sarcasm?   my advice is my own, take it or leave it. so right now i'm taking my own advice and leaving all of you to your boards.  i just started and i'm done because i'm having the hardest time dealing with knotties who are bashing each other on here.  i'm out.

Pearls03

Your sister is having a difficult time.  Maybe she has even got things happening that you don't know about.  Try talking about different topics with her--her life and what is happening (good or bad), your jobs, schools, hobbies, etc.  Maybe she will come around and become more excited about your wedding. 

Hopefully, you have girl friends, other family members, and (of course) your fiance to talk with about the wedding.  Also, maybe other people in your family can give some support to your sister.  Maybe she needs to have a shoulder to cry on for a while and perhaps she will be able to feel happier about her life, your wedding, etc.  You might be able to be that shoulder and then again maybe another family member or family friend could be more supportive because she might be able to let it all out better (without feeling like an awful jealous person or making you feel like she isn't happy for you).

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advice-mohsister-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a28ccb2-624f-4010-b6f7-bb4fade6eec1Post:3630a212-0511-45a5-85ab-51d89e6d30f5">Re: Need advice - MOH/sister situation</a>:
[QUOTE]and this is where the internet sucks.  humor? anyone? sarcasm?   my advice is my own, take it or leave it. so right now i'm taking my own advice and leaving all of you to your boards.  i just started and i'm done because i'm having the hardest time dealing with knotties who are bashing each other on here.  i'm out.
Posted by kbatchellor[/QUOTE]

It's so hard to read sarcasm on the internet.  It rarely comes through well.

You don't have to like that people disagree with you kbatchellor but ideally you do respect the other advice given.

FWIW, I don't think you were all that off except to say that responsibilities need to be assigned to other people.  There aren't other responsibilities.

And yes, the sister should be quiet however it's not for the bride to tell her that.  Both parties may not be able to control how they feel but there's appropriate behavior that should be practiced by both the OP AND her sibling.