Upset/exhausted looking for advice...

shesaninja

Hello!

I've been lurking around this board a bit and decided to look to you for some advice as you seem like some knowledgeable ladies! I know the etiquette is once you invite someone in your WP you can't "kick them out". But I'm curious what to do in this situation.

My HTB purposed to me in September. I immediately asked my BFF at the time, my FSIL, and two other good friends to be in my wedding party. Since then things have been really rough for my BFF and I. She has become very distant and seems to have no interest in being my friend whatsoever. We tried for a while to patch things up but to be honest she has changed so much and we don't have the connection we used to, it really breaks my heart (I'm having a hard time holding it together just typing this!). I miss our friendship but it's extremely exhausting to be the only one trying to make it work. I'm assuming she will be 'too busy' to be part of the wedding and will come up with some excuse. I haven't asked her and haven't thought of  a way to ask her. I am wondering if you have any ideas on how to say that I will understand if she can't be in the wedding party but I'd still love to have her at my wedding as a guest? I just dont' see any way to solve this without any drama/tears.

I now know why they say don't ask until 6 months out but I just wish I would've known that in September!!

Thank you for listening.

aerinpegadrak

I'm sorry you're going through this.  Unfortunately, sometimes friends drift apart.

I'm guessing that she probably has all of the information she needs about the wedding.  If you've done everything you can, then the ball's in her court.  Bringing it up probably isn't going to work out well no matter how delicate you try to be; just give her some space for a few weeks.  Either she'll nut up and tell you that she's dropping out (at which point you can tell her she's still welcome as a guest), or she'll pull it together and be there for the wedding.  But if you leave that decision up to her, it's much less likely to create drama and bad blood.  Then, if you end up drifting apart entirely after the wedding, you can do it without bitterness or burnt bridges.

mbcdefg

If you are tired of the friendship, then tell her it's over and therefore she's not invited to your wedding as a bridesmaid or a guest and she's no longer a part of your life. If you want to stay on good terms with her, say nothing. Leave it up to her to get the dress and show up for the wedding ... if she doesn't, problem solved. If she goes, then after the wedding let the friendship run its course.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_upsetexhausted-looking-for-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a6e5ee9-4313-41f4-9e2d-79ca5a7dfbbaPost:aacdaf07-12ee-4655-be6d-f54425451058">Re: Upset/exhausted looking for advice...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through this.  Unfortunately, sometimes friends drift apart. I'm guessing that she probably has all of the information she needs about the wedding.  If you've done everything you can, then the ball's in her court.  Bringing it up probably isn't going to work out well no matter how delicate you try to be; just give her some space for a few weeks.  Either she'll nut up and tell you that she's dropping out (at which point you can tell her she's still welcome as a guest), or she'll pull it together and be there for the wedding.  But if you leave that decision up to her, it's much less likely to create drama and bad blood.  Then, if you end up drifting apart entirely after the wedding, you can do it without bitterness or burnt bridges.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Good advice!

GL OP!

LD1970

I'd leave the wedidng out of it, and just see if she'd sit down & talk with you about the friendship.  "Hey, friend, it seems like we're drifting apart lately, or maybe you're upset with me about something.  Did I do something?  Am I nuts for feeling this way?  I value our friendhsip & if there's something wrong, I'd love to fix it.  Feeling like we're haivng problems has me really upset."

shesaninja

Thanks for the advice and for listening. I've tried to talk to her a few times about it and she just says that she agrees and that we should work things out. But then I am always the one reaching out to try to make plans, etc. I think I'll just let it play out for a while and see if she eventually will contact me. It's hard to be the only one trying in ANY relationship. Sometimes it's just not worth it, no matter how great of a relationship it used to be/could've been.

Thanks again ladies!

lpowers1118

Once you give your BMs the latest date you can order a dress and they do not do it then they have taken themselves out of hte WP.  
So give her the date for the  dress, if she doesn't order then you can assume she doesn't want to come

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