who should i pick??

soontobett

I only want one more bridemaid and it's between two girls.  Just wanting some feedback! 

One girl is the longtime gf of one of the groomsmen.  I know her through her bf.  Their relationship has been a little rocky lately and I don't know if they will still be together in a year and a half.  They live an hour away.  She won't be 21 by the time the wedding rolls around and i don't want her to feel left out for anything.  I plan on doing some partying for the bachelorete party and don't know if she would even be able to come with us.

The other girl i've never really hung out with.  She's very nice and supportive and she would be great to have around.  i would love to get to know her better.  she's very busy though.  i don't want to overwhelm her or anything.

Both girls are very sweet and very supportive.  they are those girls that are ecstatic for you no matter what is happening in their own lives.  i don't know either of them that well, but they would be so much better to have their than some of the girls i'm closer to.

i know i could do the uneven number of attendants thing, but i just don't think i like that idea.

Jessa617

Your wedding is not for another year and a half. You do not need to pick your party until at least 6 moths before. Wait before you make any more decisions. Who knows, maybe the girl you barely know will end up being your best friend. But my only advice is to wait.

If you don't take anyone's advice about anything in regards to your wedding, at least take this. I wish someone had told me I didn't need to pick my party right away.

And...you shouldn't pick someone solely on what they might be able to bring to the table and who could party with you or not. If you're not close to either of these girls, then don't pick either and go with an uneven party. There's nothing wrong with that.

soontobett

waiting is good advice.

It's not about what she can bring to the table, it's about not wanting her to feel left out.

It's also not that I'm not close enough to them, it's that I would rather have both of them!

Jessa617

In that case, definitely wait. You have plenty of time. There's nothing your bridal party needs to do this far in advance so it won't affect your plans if you wait a little bit. Really all they are required to do is pick out their dresses and that's done a few months before. If you wait until late fall that would be an appropriate time to decide.

mlg78

I'd recommend waiting too.  Quite frankly, you didn't "sell" me on either girl and I'm questioning why you'd want either.  One you're not close with and the other is merely the girlfriend of a groomsman?  Definitely wait...  You don't know what will happen with either of those two girls in that time and there could be someone new in your life as well.  Just take your time and focus on other planning!

soontobett

i only illustrated the cons between them.  the pros are very similar.  they are supportive, sweet, and so excited for me!  they both are interested in every mundane detail that i tell them.  they are both great girls that i have always wanted to be closer too, but because of schedules, distance, time, etc... we just never get to hang out.  i consider them both great friends even though we don't really get to hang out.  the girls i do get to hang out with aren't always great friends.  they would not be as supportive or helpful or pleasant to be around as these girls.  i want my wedding to be about love, friendship and happiness.  both of these girls are so unselfish and simply want to help me have the happiest wedding possible.  i feel like some of my other friends would just bring drama.

i guess i should give more thought to the idea of having uneven numbers.  i just really like symmetry and balance and don't think I would like the visual effect.  however, the more i think about it, the sillier it sounds to exclude one of these girls because of that.  

soontobett

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-should-i-pick-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7caa1cc5-4b37-41e7-8ee5-a1742e48c428Post:d71709ba-9bc9-4cf9-b65e-42a7c04fee1a">Re: who should i pick??</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't ask a WP more than 10 months before the wedding, you have plenty of time. When you do pick a WP, you pick the people nearest and dearest to you, not the people who will be the most fun at a bachelorette party, the most giddy about being in the WP, the most organized and helpful for wedding related jobs, etc. You pick your friends. Maybe when it is time to pick a WP, you will know if you want these girls or not.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>see i've actually been told the opposite of that.  i have been told to pick the people that are going to support you the most, not necessarily the people that you hang out with the most.  the more i thought about it, the more this made sense.  i was told that usually some of the first people to congradulate you are the people that make the best attendants.  now obviously that is not a reason to pick people, but it did kind of make sense.  some of the first people were those people who have always supported us and have always been on our side.  some of my "closest" friends and girls who I always thought would be bridesmaids never even congradulated me.  one even said i was stupid for believing in love.  obviously she's out. lol</div>

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-should-i-pick-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7caa1cc5-4b37-41e7-8ee5-a1742e48c428Post:6c96bc95-f30e-4161-ae10-084dc26cc17c">Re: who should i pick??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who should i pick?? : see i've actually been told the opposite of that.  i have been told to pick the people that are going to support you the most, not necessarily the people that you hang out with the most.  the more i thought about it, the more this made sense.  i was told that usually some of the first people to congradulate you are the people that make the best attendants.  now obviously that is not a reason to pick people, but it did kind of make sense.  some of the first people were those people who have always supported us and have always been on our side.  some of my "closest" friends and girls who I always thought would be bridesmaids never even congradulated me.  one even said i was stupid for believing in love.  obviously she's out. lol
Posted by soontobett[/QUOTE]

If you haven't asked already, please wait to ask your bridal party.  When are you planning your wedding for?  Wait about 10 month before that date to offically ask.  In the mean time, try to hang out and become more friendly with the two girls you mentioned.  Who knows what will happen.  But based on your original post, you shouldn't be asking either of those girls.  It should be your nearest and dearest that are in your BP.

AddieCake

Ditto on not being sold on either of these girls. You say you don't know either of them very well. I would never ask someone I didn't know very well to be in my wedding party. My bridesmaids were 2 of the 3 people in this world I would call at 2 a.m. to help me hide a body.

soontobett

see i don't have a lot of friends like that.  i have my one best friend who i've know since fifth grade and she's my MOH.  other than that i just want people there who make me happy and who i want to be around on the happiest day of my life.  i think i just needed to argue it out.  just because i don't see them or talk to them that often doesn't mean i don't feel close to them.  i feel more of connection to them than the people i see all the time.  i guess i just needed to realize that.