Have you ever.....

masked_rose86

been asked to be in a wedding and said no??

A friend of mine (not really a close friend, but a friend) called and asked me to be in her wedding today.  While I'm not completely surprised, she isn't a super close friend of mine. 

We are both graduating from pharmacy school, but she will be living in the northwest (Washington) and I'll be living more in the great lakes area after graduating.  I honestly didn't think we'd really keep in touch much after graduation.  And quite honestly, I wasn't planning on coming to her wedding because it would be so expensive to fly out for it and I'll be starting a new job less than 1 month before her wedding at the beginning of August.  I also am in another wedding this summer (closer to where I'm living).....so quite honestly funds are tight for buying expensive bridesmaid dresses etc.

Still....while I really really want to do this for her....I'm feeling it might be impractical, especially since I wasn't planning to go to the wedding in the first place.  Not that this is a huge factor, but she wasn't in my wedding this past December nor did she make the trip for it (certainly I didn't expect she would make the trip either).

Anyways, I know there could be lots of different opinions on the situation etc, but if any of you has been in this type of situation before and has any advice I'd really welcome it!  Even a suggestion on a nice way to tell her "I'm sorry....I'd really like to be a part of your special day and am so honored you would ask me, but I don't think I can make it work with my new job right now."  

I don't know.....I just never thought I would tell someone "no"  if I was asked to be in their wedding, since I do see it as an honor and a BIG deal to be asked.

lalap69

I've never said no, but I have been in a wedding when I wasn't particularly close to someone.  When I was 17/18 I was asked to be in my grandparents' goddaughter's wedding.  She only asked me to honour them and I thought it would be really exciting to be a BM, so I said yes.  I would never do that again.  Being a BM is a huge commitment and a lot of expense and time/effort.  And I think you need to be really close to someone for it to be worth it. 

I think it would be better to decline now than to back out later or do it but feel resentful.  You've said yourself that you're not close.  I think you should decline.

duckie1905

I had to say no once.  I was over committed to weddings as it was and I was broke and sick of traveling.

For me the easiest way was to just be honest.  "Thank you so much for asking me.  It would be my honor to be a part of your wedding but right now I just can't because xxx.  I love you and I hope you can understand that I just can't do it right now."

The bride I said no to was upset at first but she got over it pretty quickly and I knew that I was making the right decision for both of us.  I would've had a hard time with travel for events and the wedding, buying the dress, etc. and that wouldn't have been fair to her either.

Schroeder246

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7f0f82da-330f-4cec-ad5b-1f7e082fdd3bPost:da5f0129-8a15-4396-ba10-1d016b7abd41">Have you ever.....</a>:
[QUOTE]been asked to be in a wedding and said no?? A friend of mine (not really a close friend, but a friend) called and asked me to be in her wedding today.  While I'm not completely surprised, she isn't a super close friend of mine.  We are both graduating from pharmacy school, but she will be living in the northwest (Washington) and I'll be living more in the great lakes area after graduating.  I honestly didn't think we'd really keep in touch much after graduation.  And quite honestly, I wasn't planning on coming to her wedding because it would be so expensive to fly out for it and I'll be starting a new job less than 1 month before her wedding at the beginning of August.  I also am in another wedding this summer (closer to where I'm living).....so quite honestly funds are tight for buying expensive bridesmaid dresses etc. Still....while I really really want to do this for her....I'm feeling it might be impractical, especially since I wasn't planning to go to the wedding in the first place.  Not that this is a huge factor, but she wasn't in my wedding this past December nor did she make the trip for it (certainly I didn't expect she would make the trip either). Anyways, I know there could be lots of different opinions on the situation etc, but if any of you has been in this type of situation before and has any advice I'd really welcome it!  Even a suggestion on a nice way to tell her <strong>"I'm sorry....I'd really like to be a part of your special day and am so honored you would ask me, but I don't think I can make it work with my new job right now."</strong>   I don't know.....I just never thought I would tell someone "no"  if I was asked to be in their wedding, since I do see it as an honor and a BIG deal to be asked.
Posted by masked_rose86[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think you have a good handle on the situation, and what you said above would be fine.  Just be prepared on how you will respond if she comes back with certain scenarios like she offers to pay, etc.

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