Picking a BM dress-the one you love or the cheaper one?

Brewers2012

I have been looking at bridesmaid dresses for months!  I found a bridesmaid dress a couple months ago that several of the girls tried on and LOVED.  It's exactly what I'm looking for (sweetheart, strapless, shirred bodice with a natural waist so it's very flattering and it's lux chiffon) but when we looked at the price tag it said $180!  I think that's too much to ask of them, but the girls that were there acted like it was ok.  However, I really feel like they're just being nice.  They keep telling me it's my day and they'll do whatever I want but I've never paid that much for a BM dress so I feel bad asking them to.  So basically since that day I've been trying to find a similar one for cheaper and it doesn't exist (at least not in my color-mermaid).  I recently found one that's sweetheart and strapless but it's cotton sateen (which looks so different than my vision of chiffon) and it's only $100.  Which should I have them get?  

StephBeanWed61502

You could've avoided this problem by asking them what their budget was before shopping, so you could avoid even looking at things that were over-budget.

That said, I personally would go with the cheaper dress if you like it.  Also, I don't have any clue what color "mermaid" would be, but David's has several chiffon dresses that are pretty and around the $100-120 mark, and they have a pretty significant range of colors, so you could likely find something similar there.  Maybe that way you could get your ideal fabric without going over the top on price?

(Side note, I don't think $180 is necessarily that bad for a BM dress, but if you are concerned about it, that, to me, is a sign that it's likely a little too much for your BMs, which is why I'm suggesting alternatives.)

Brewers2012

Thank you for the advice!  I've never been asked my budget for any wedding I've been in so it never crossed my mind but I definitely should have done that.  

lopezalonso

I think you should talk to the girls and ask them how much they would be comfortable spending on a BM dress. I would make my decision based on that. 

In the meantime try your best to look for a cheaper dress. Go to RKBridal.com. They are based in NY and offer warehouse prices for the BM dresses. My BF choose her BM dresses from there (I am one of her BM) and I think it is beautiful. 

 

orangecrush32

If you like the cheaper one then go with the cheaper one. Truee you aren't in love with it, but you won't be wearing it. The dress will be in your pictures, but that'll be all you see of it. Your bridesmaids are the ones who will be paying for it, wearing it, and keeping it in their closet. Choose the cheaper one. Or better yet, let your bridesmaids choose dresses they like.

DHandHH

maybe if you can afford it, offer to help offset the cost a little by helping them to pay for it? That's what I ended up doing since original we all agreed we would try to stay at 120 and the dress they fell in love with and I did too was 180, so I helped with the $50 difference. I know that may not be an option, so show the girls both and let them pick which one they want explaining you really don't mind which one they choose. You don't have to make them choose right then either but just give them a timeframe. 

kalpi108

It might be hard to get an honest answer out of them since they already know the prices of both dresses and that you all love the more expensive one but at this point, I'd just do what PP said. Ask them the limit price they're most comfortable with and go with the chiffon if you're really that worried about it. They are adults though so if they keep insisting they're happy with the more expensive one, that is their choice.

RaptorSLH

Agreed.  If you ask and they tell you $180 is OK, that's their decision.  It would have been best to ask before, but I think late is better than never here.  Make sure you ask them privately though, so no one feels pressured by the group to agree.

Also, if it's in the budget, chipping in towards the dresses is a nice gesture.  It's not required, but if it assuages your guilt over the pricier, preferred dresses, it's definitely an option.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bm-dress-one-love-cheaper-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:80e91878-228d-4b0b-8293-7f9e99abdbcdPost:1bd67055-dfbb-4428-82d5-72764e430d1a">Re: Picking a BM dress-the one you love or the cheaper one?</a>:
[QUOTE]maybe if you can afford it, offer to help offset the cost a little by helping them to pay for it? That's what I ended up doing since original we all agreed we would try to stay at 120 and the dress they fell in love with and I did too was 180, so I helped with the $50 difference. I know that may not be an option, so show the girls both and let them pick which one they want explaining you really don't mind which one they choose. You don't have to make them choose right then either but just give them a timeframe. 
Posted by DHandHH[/QUOTE]


This was my first thought.  If you have your heart set on the more expensive dress, then you can try to work it into your budget to pay the difference of the $80 between the two. 

mbcdefg

Call each of them privately and say, "I am keeping my options open for the BM dresses. What were you hoping to spend?" Then get each of their budgets and decide if you want to choose the $180 dress (and maybe pitch in for each girl to help out) or choose a less expensive dress that they can all afford.

Don't say, "Can you afford/do you want the $180 dress?" because then they may feel obligated to agree to it. It's awesome that they want to make you happy, but you don't want to run into problems later if they actually cannot afford it.

Keep the budget question open-ended, and make it clear to them that you want to keep it affordable for everyone and that you are open to other options. But I can promise you that the "vision" of a specific BM dress won't matter much to you on the wedding day and beyond. Their happiness and comfort will be what's remembered after the wedding, notsomuch what they actually wore.

graysquirrel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-bm-dress-one-love-cheaper-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:80e91878-228d-4b0b-8293-7f9e99abdbcdPost:22f2311e-1fc2-4a79-91d5-e7d41ea6b5fb">Re: Picking a BM dress-the one you love or the cheaper one?</a>:
[QUOTE]Call each of them privately and say, "I am keeping my options open for the BM dresses. What were you hoping to spend?" Then get each of their budgets and decide if you want to choose the $180 dress (and maybe pitch in for each girl to help out) or choose a less expensive dress that they can all afford. Don't say, "Can you afford/do you want the $180 dress?" because then they may feel obligated to agree to it. It's awesome that they want to make you happy, but you don't want to run into problems later if they actually cannot afford it. Keep the budget question open-ended, and make it clear to them that you want to keep it affordable for everyone and that you are open to other options. <strong>But I can promise you that the "vision" of a specific BM dress won't matter much to you on the wedding day and beyond. Their happiness and comfort will be what's remembered after the wedding, notsomuch what they actually wore.
</strong>Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this. If it were me, I think that I would go with the cheaper dress unless your girls all tell you that their budgets are higher and they really want the expensive one. A slight difference in fabric or color is not going to make much of a difference on your wedding day, but those girls are having to pay for something that they wouldn't ever have purchased on their own. I would go with the option that is best for them and is still within an approximation of what you want.

LauraChristin

It might be just me but I don't think I will ever look back on my wedding and think, "darn! I wish the BMs would have worn a different dress!" it's just not that important IMO. With that said I'd go with the better option for my friends.

Bett2012

Can you help pay the difference? That's what we're doing... we found a dress for $180 that everyone loves, but we're all students, so my BMs are paying whatever they can (or would spend on a nice dress normally since they've all told me they'll definitely wear it again) and I'm paying the rest... so even if one BM wants to pay $150, and another wants to pay $50, they'll all have the same dress and it will only be between me and them how much each one paid