NWR: How best to say this

bablingbrooke

A good friend is having a birthday dinner next week.  It'll be out at a restaurant and we're expected to pay our own way.  This is very typical for our group and we all usually chip in to pay for the b-day person's dinner.  That's not the problem.  The problem is that her FI (who's throwing it) hasn't decided on a place yet because he needs a number of people first.  

My friend and her FI are definitely "finer things" people and will probably choose a fairly pricey place if past events are any indication.  Is there a nice way to give a "conditional yes" based on what the location turns out to be?  

SarahPLiz

Not really, but you could give him strong suggestions of places that are in your price range. If he chooses a really fancy place, you could just have an appetizer...

emilyinchile

Would it be totally awkward to say something like "Of course I'll be there. What about going to X place - it's good and not too expensive for everyone? I know I personally am on a budget these days, and I think other people might be too." I feel like most people are understanding of others' budgets, but I do know that some just don't get that not everyone has money to burn.

bablingbrooke

These two honestly forget.  Last year when DH was out of work she and her FI invited us to go to dinner with them before law prom.  (Yes, law school has prom.  We also have lockers.  Law school = high school.)  

She knew DH was out of work and I told her we couldn't go anywhere expensive.  She said no problem.  She recommended the place and she's local, we're not, so we went with it.  Turns out "not too pricey" to her is about $100 per couple.  We were floored.  And not too happy about it. 

I could say something but it probably won't change where they go.  I just want to give myself an out in case they decide on something that really would be out of our price range.

gottahavashorti

If they're likely to forget about other people's budgets, you could tell him something along the lines of  "Put us down for a tentative yes, but I can't make any promises until a little closer to the date."

sarabear23

Honestly, I would give a maybe, saying you might have another obligation. Find out where he chooses, and do some research. If its too expensive, you can call and say you wont be able to make it.

banana468

"Hey, I think we may be in but it would have to be at a place like X (insert names of places in your budget).  We had such a great time at (insert name of swanky place you went to last year) but places like that are so out of our budget now."

It basically says, "This is the deal and our attendance hinges upon you not being an elitist jerkwad."

bablingbrooke

Thanks for the suggestions.  I think I'll just have to politely decline.  Even if they do pick a reasonable place or if I just go for after-dinner drinks with them, they'll probably choose a place close to them and they live in a part of Boston that's impossible to get to via public transportation, which means I'll have to drive, and I'll never find parking when I get home on a Saturday night.  So I may have to sit this out.  It frankly just doesn't worth the effort or potential expense, though I'd probably enjoy myself if I did go.

mbcdefg

Maybe you could say something like, "Unfortunately I don't think we can make it, but DH and I would love to take you out for dessert/drinks at [Affordable Place] sometime soon to celebrate your birthday."

That way, you can still hang out with them, but you will be in control of the price range.

Or offer to have them over at the house and make something yummy.

emilyinchile

Oooh, I like mbc's idea.

bablingbrooke

That's not a bad idea.  Thanks!