Cheating Bridesmaid Question

amanda0543

Hi. I tried asking this on another board, but didn't get much help (poor wording, idk?): I recently found out that one of my bridesmaids is cheating on my groomsman (her longterm boyfriend), and is going to leave him. For reasons I don't need to get into I know that when she tells him things are going to be very ugly for awhile, and I'm concerned about having that much forced interaction between the two of them (as I think it would be unpleasant for everyone).

Have any of you (or do you know someone who) had a similar experience? What did you/they do, and how did it work out? I don't really have anyone I can bring this concern up with, as I'm not willing to betray her confidence to any friends/family, and I don't want to bring it up with her as I think it would be a tactless thing to bring up with her right now. Also, I don't care more about my wedding than my friends, it's just a concern that popped in my head this morning when I woke up, (and after doing a google search and hearing some nasty horror stories about how similar situations turned out) and it has been nagging me since then.

My hope is that if things get bad, one of them will step out, but as this is my first wedding I have no idea how to handle something like this. What do you do if you have to ask one of your wedding party to leave??

amanda0543

I'd also like to add that my bridal party is VERY involved in my wedding (she's making my cake), so just keeping them apart isn't really an option.

AddieCake

I saw your other post and am still reading some of the responses, so forgive me if I repeat any of it. It looks like the ladies on Woes were trying to tell you to stay out of it, and I agree. You got upset about why you couldn't ask a wedding question on a wedding site, and they were trying to make you understand that how this would affect your wedding should not be your concern and that you should not make their relationship your concern, either.If you truly are concerned for your friends, you should wait for them to come to you if they want your input. If one of them decides they can't handle being around the other and wants to bow out, that is their choice, but you should just proceed as normal until that time.

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cheating-bridesmaid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8297428e-0100-4d35-835c-b399ab5b0da6Post:9438ebbc-deeb-4065-82b9-17456754bb94">Re: Cheating Bridesmaid Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't kick people out of the wedding party. It is a very public insult, and will result in the end of your friendship. I'm not really sure what you mean by forced interaction. They will be in the same place for the wedding, but won't really have to talk or dance together or anything, and for the rehearsal, if you are having one. It's only a few moments together. They are adults, they will manage to get through them.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

That's what I'm concerned about. />.<

Like I said before, ALL of my bridal party is very involved in my wedding. I paid for, and let them pick out, their dresses/suits in exchange for their help, so there are a lot of group meetings discussions etc. etc. Also, my wedding is very small (40 people), and is in a small venue, so at the actual wedding there will be very few places where they won't be close to eachother. :$

AddieCake

I'm also not sure how her making the cake equates to them having to interact with one another.

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cheating-bridesmaid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8297428e-0100-4d35-835c-b399ab5b0da6Post:3be8ba85-18b4-49cf-8d80-85164b6581fd">Re: Cheating Bridesmaid Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm also not sure how her making the cake equates to them having to interact with one another.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>I just used that as an example.</div>

AddieCake

Group meetings and discussions? Oy vey. They are adults. if THEY can't be around each other, THEY will let you know, and if one of THEM wants to bow out, that is his or her choice. You shouldn't have anything to do with it.

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cheating-bridesmaid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8297428e-0100-4d35-835c-b399ab5b0da6Post:55618a88-aa61-4dcf-87e0-519e5dbe4992">Re: Cheating Bridesmaid Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want this to sound mean, because I am not trying to be, but how much help could you need for a 40 person wedding? I planned a wedding three times that size from 1000 miles away without anyone in the wedding party needing to attend group meeting or complete projects. If they've offered or agreed to help that's great, can't you nix meetings and split the tasks so they don't have to work together? Seat them on opposite sides of the room? I think you are over thinking this. There are people I don't particularly like that I interact with fairly frequently, and it is not a big deal because adults can be in the same room with people they don't like without having meltdowns. I think you are over thinking this.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha, probably. >.<</div><div>
</div><div>There are a few things that would be complicated to change at this point, and might require me to find some new help if I'm not able to have them together. My wedding party is small, and they are literally helping me with EVERYTHING (setting up/taking down decor, the cake, the music, making the flower arrangements etc. etc. etc.). Like I said in my original post, I did a google search when the thought first popped in my head, and nearly everything I read ended with the bride/groom losing either one or both of their friends, and that really scares me. I want to know the best way to handle the situation if things get bad.</div>

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cheating-bridesmaid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8297428e-0100-4d35-835c-b399ab5b0da6Post:1467cae8-1765-4f55-9392-dd1a2e34e53f">Re: Cheating Bridesmaid Question</a>:
[QUOTE]If things get bad one of them will bow out. If that happens, you understand, you love them, you hope they will still come to the wedding, and you make sure to get in some pictures with them. If no one bows out, but being together is awkward, you juggle the tasks so they are separate. Ladies do the flowers while gents set up the tables, ladies take down decor while gents load gifts into car, etc. You'll figure it out, it won't be as bad as you think.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>:)</div>

amanda0543

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cheating-bridesmaid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8297428e-0100-4d35-835c-b399ab5b0da6Post:47c8d6e5-c726-42fe-906c-2042627e01c5">Re:Cheating Bridesmaid Question</a>:
[QUOTE]We did everything for our own wedding, from set up to making our own food and some of our WP helped with these things. However, I barely saw my husband the day before the wedding and didn't see him at all the day of until the ceremony, so it is definitely possible to divide things up where they don't have to be working together. If one of them decides to bow out, accept it gracefully. But you don't need to stress over this. It isn't your concern or your business. Just nix all the planning meetings and other gatherings, which really aren't necessary, and map out the help so that they are working on separate tasks.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah. My wedding isn't for a few months as well, so hopefully things will have calmed enough by then that no extreme tip-toeing is necessary. >.<
</div>

Peledreamsofrain

Unfortunately this isn't something you CAN get into the middle of and control without seriously making things worse. 

Just be as gracious as you can if someone does need to step out, lighten your dependence on people doing work at your wedding where you can (hire a day of coordinator to take over the duties you mentioned), and do everything in your power to stay out of it.

I have to echo a previous poster and say that a small wedding really doesn't need heavy bridal party involvement.  My wedding was 70 people, and I did 98% of everything myself.  My bridal party was barely involved.  It's very doable.  And even if you did need their involvement because of the time-crunch, there's nothing wrong with lightening the load on one or both of them, and redistributing.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cheating-bridesmaid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8297428e-0100-4d35-835c-b399ab5b0da6Post:973f76e2-44af-495e-bd16-71ebc8b310ad">Re: Cheating Bridesmaid Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating Bridesmaid Question : That's what I'm concerned about. />.< Like I said before, ALL of my bridal party is very involved in my wedding. I paid for, and let them pick out, their dresses/suits in exchange for their help, so <strong>there are a lot of group meetings discussions etc. etc. </strong>Also, my wedding is very small (40 people), and is in a small venue, so at the actual wedding there will be very few places where they won't be close to eachother. :$
Posted by amanda0543[/QUOTE]

<div>Now that's just crazy.  </div><div>
</div><div>WP members should not be attending meetings and discussions.  Stop doing that, plan your own wedding, and your problem is solved.  </div>