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Best Friend Resentment - - - -

Re: Best Friend Resentment - - - -

  • My best friend and I are going through somewhat similar growing pains right now. I'm just giving her space to deal with her crap because that's all it is...CRAP.  She has issues and she's working through them and when she's ready, I'll be here and she'll still be my MOH.  Until then, I'm keeping wedding stuff to a minimum.  She is moving 500 miles away in two weeks so it'll be interesting to see the impact that has on our relationship...but hopefully it's strong enough to survive.  

    I'd just back off for a bit and don't focus on anything wedding-oriented with her.  It's understandable she's resentful and jealous because she wants what you have...but she just needs to learn that it's not appropriate and eventually she'll come around.
  • We have been together since last March - Moved in together - Got engaged right before Christmas. She wants me to postpone it to the middle of winter so my brother could attend (which he could afford to attend anyways) - and keeps telling me to delay it.  I just dont get it. She tells me she doesnt want to get married yet, yet its obvious shes pissed off... I just dont get it.
  • Are you sure she's upset about your engagement? Maybe she's just busy and doesn't have time to talk weddings with you. Does she have an issue with your Fi? Maybe she's just concerned because you're moving so fast.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Why did you delete the bulk of your post?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Why did you somewhat DD?  Weird.

    I don't really have any words of wisdom other than to say I'd be upset if my friends didn't support my marriage.  I don't know if I could be friends with someone who didn't want me to marry my FI.  My friends were just as excited as I was when we got engaged and they love my FI.  

    It sounds like your friend might be jealous.  I have one friend who I know was a little jealous, but she worked really hard at hiding it and being happy and excited for me.  She also pressured her bf into proposing when I'm pretty sure he wasn't ready for that.  Even though I felt like they got engaged for the wrong reasons, I did nothing but be happy for her.  She was happy, so that's really all that matters.

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  • I didn't deal with this but when a good friend got married, one of her OOT friends but the pressure on her BF to propose before they showed up to the big day.

    To this day I just can't trust the intentions of this other woman since it always needs to be about her.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My best friend is a transman who likes dudes, so he's not too upset that I'm in a heteronormative relationship that's ending in marriage, especially because he's in Washington state and can therefore marry whoever he wants, so... no, I have not dealt with this before.

    And your friend may be concerned that you're moving too quickly -- I know I would be. You're not even past the honeymoon period yet! Yes, she could be jealous because waiting a significant amount of time before getting a ring is insanely hard when everyone around you is getting engaged or married, but you probably need to ask her what exactly she's feeling to see if it's honest concern or her just kinda being a b*tch.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-friend-resentment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8322f196-121a-4fda-b5e4-776ebb399a04Post:53248868-4b9c-407e-8186-fbb63d45da55">Re: Best Friend Resentment - - - -</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have been together since last March - Moved in together - Got engaged right before Christmas. She wants me to postpone it to the middle of winter so my brother could attend (which he could afford to attend anyways) - and keeps telling me to delay it.  I just dont get it. She tells me she doesnt want to get married yet, yet its obvious shes pissed off... I just dont get it.
    Posted by robandchrystal[/QUOTE]

    Why won't your brother be there if it's not in the winter?

    And yeah, that's fast. How old are you?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-friend-resentment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8322f196-121a-4fda-b5e4-776ebb399a04Post:f3d3667f-6ee0-43a8-acbd-f582ddcabe0f">Re:Best Friend Resentment</a>:
    [QUOTE]The assumption of "jealousy" always makes me roll my eyes. She's afraid you are moving too fast. She is afraid of losing her friend.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Why did you put jealousy in quotes like it doesn't exist? Some people are generally spiteful and jealous when people close to them are having so many wonderful things happen in a short amount of time and they're not. Hell, most people are jealous. That's human nature. </div><div>
    </div><div>You can't say for a fact that her friend is ONLY afraid she's moving too fast. You don't even know them. Yes it's a possibility but it's a likely possibility that her friend is just jealous. Only OP knows her best.

    </div>
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