Masculine Bridesmaid!

susanru2

My sister is standing for me at my wedding.  She is lesbian and VERY masculine. In fact, most people would mistake her for a man.  We are having a formal wedding, and all the other bridesmaids are wearing black dresses.  I thought maybe my sister could wear a tux?  What do you think?  Any idea where to find a tux for a woman?

funandfreckles

Ask her what she'd prefer to wear. If she wants to wear a dress, then good, and if she wants to wear a tux, then good...but make it her choice.

SarahPLiz

That's fine. She SHOULD be comfortable with what she wears, not feel like she is wearing a costume. 

mbcdefg

First, talk to your sister and ask if she wants to wear a dress or something with pants. Tell her that you are O.K. with whatever makes her comfortable.

If she opts for pants, then ask her if she wants to rent the exact same tux as the guys, or if she wants something that's specifically made for a woman. And if you are going to help her search, find out what she wants to spend before you start looking.

For a woman's tux, I would go to some nice department stores with her and see what you find. There are probably clerks there who can help you. Or call some tux rental shops and see if they have anything in stock for women.

Does she already own a nice black suit for work/interviews? She could always just wear that, maybe with a blouse or scarf in your wedding color. My interview suit is from Ann Taylor, and I have another one from Kohl's. Maybe she can even call some local tailors and see if they can make her a nice suit from scratch so that it fits just right. Or she can buy a nice suit from a men's suit shop and get it tailored to her liking.

I think she'll be fine if she wears a really good-quality, well-cut suit rather than a tuxedo to your formal wedding, if finding an actual tux is a problem.

Here are some starting points:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/c/womens-work-suiting?origin=leftnav

http://www1.macys.com/shop/womens/apparel/suits-suit-separates?id=39096&edge=hybrid#!fn=COLOR_NORMAL%3DBlack%26sortBy%3DORIGINAL%26productsPerPage%3D100&!qvp=iqvp

http://www.anntaylor.com/ann/catalog/category.jsp?trail=&pageSize=101&gridSize=md&catid=cata000013&goToPage=1&viewAll=viewAll&fRequest=

http://offbeatbride.com/2009/07/butch-wedding-suits

jemmini6

I would just give her the color guidline and let her choose something she feels comfortable in.

QueerFemme

If she wants to wear a tux, go to Men's Warehouse.  Depending on what city you are in, most of them are perfectly capable of fitting a tux to a female body... and none have been particularly bothered by it, in my experience.  If you live in a tiny little town, that may cause more of a scene in the store, but they should still do it without too much issue. I imaigne if your sister is masculine, she probably gets that drama from time to time anyway, and it won't be abnormal.

I think if you really want her to be comfortable, don't even suggest that she wear a dress.  Just say "the other bridesmaids are wearing a black dress.  The groomsmen are wearing black tuxedos with ___ color vest/ties.  Do you have an idea of what you would prefer to wear?" 

If she doesn't want to wear a tux, have her pick out whatever black suit she likes, whether it be a black women's suit or men's suit. In my experience, I have found that women's suits don't fit very well on females who have a masculine body type, so she would probably be better off with a properly tailored men's suit.

bonge

Ask what she wants to wear. If she wants to wear a suit they have nice women's ones. let her decide where to shop. 

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_masculine-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:83848a06-89ac-4ccf-9699-00e4deffcaf6Post:bd840d80-9170-487c-85a0-b68cf7fe3c1b">Re: Masculine Bridesmaid!</a>:
[QUOTE]Depending on what city you are in, most of them are perfectly capable of fitting a tux to a female body... and none have been particularly bothered by it, in my experience.  <strong>If you live in a tiny little town, that may cause more of a scene in the store, but they should still do it without too much issue.</strong> I imaigne if your sister is masculine, she probably gets that drama from time to time anyway, and it won't be abnormal.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

In that OffbeatBride article I linked to above, the author had a great suggestion about this - just tell the tailors/salesmen that you're an actor in a play and need it as a costume.

Not that the sister should be ashamed of who she is and what she likes, but I thought it was a good suggestion if she'd just prefer the bigots not to even open their mouths.