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kryken

ui

bablingbrooke

She can only make you feel horrible if you let her.  But honestly, her trying to one-up you is nothing to get so offended over.  I can understand you being irritated and put-off by it, but calling it "miserable" and "horrible"?  Come on.

It's pretty obvious to me that you need to stop talking about the wedding with her.  It's disappointing that you can't, but there really isn't any other option.  If you know that this is how she will react, and you don't like the reaction, stop sharing information with her.  (Although I will say that it was wrong of you to invite more people than the reception hall can hold--that's wedding planning 101 and I might not have much sympathy for you on the subject, either.)

If you're stressed about the wedding, talk to the one person you're supposed to talk to about it: FI.  It's his wedding too.  Talk to him about it.  That's what he's there for.  Talk to your mom, talk to your BMs, talk to your local.  But don't keep putting yourself in a situation that is hurting you (arguably more than it should).

I think you'd be totally within your rights to tell her that she's hurting you.  NICELY.  This conversation does not lead off with, "Why are you trying to ruin my wedding?" but rather, "I love you and you're my best friend, but I feel like we're in competition sometimes and I don't understand why that is.  Is something going on?"  ETA: Basically keep it what it is--a friendship issue.  Leave the wedding out of it.  Talk to her friend-to-friend, not bride-to-MOH.

lilianne22

Brooke is right, you need to stop talking about the wedding with her.  If you don't like her reactions to wedding talk, not talking about it will make that stop.  Brooke also is right about talking to your MOH about how she's hurting your feelings.  Some people are really oblivious when they are being rude, so maybe she just needs to know that her actions are hurtful for her to stop.  HTH.

mbcdefg

My wedding is a month and a half away so obviously I have a lot to do and of course I want to talk about what I've done recently and what I am still planning.

If you want to talk about this, but it's clear that she's either uninterested or she only wants to tell you how SHE would do things, then STOP TALKING TO HER. Talk to your local Knot board - they are always interested in other people's plans.

I brought up how worried I was about how many people we invited because I'm nervous we won't have enough room at the reception hall. She immediatly started talking about her wedding "if you are worried about not being able to afford it just tell people they can't come, tell people they can't bring dates. At my wedding it was $60 per person to eat." Well no I wasn't concerned about money I was concerned about space.

So? What's so wrong about that? It's rude advice, yes, but that's not a crime. Ignore her.

I brought up how I just booked my florist and she immediatly asked how much it was going to cost, I told her and she said "omg at my wedding I paid $4500 for my flowers and that was with a family discount" Well I'm glad that you are an only child and your family went all out on you but I have 4 sisters that my dad is paying for and I really don't want to break him so he can't afford their weddings. That is just rude. "At my wedding we did this, at my wedding we did that." Her wedding was 2 years ago and I was a bridesmaid, I remember her wedding!

Money is a touchy subject to talk about. You didn't have to tell her how much your flowers would cost. Especially if you knew that she'd brag about her own wedding or try to one-up you. Yes, it's rude of her to talk about money, but you also can't feed the troll and then complain that she's taking the bait.

Money, politics, religion, sex ... don't talk about those subjects with people unless you want to get into an argument.

At my bridal shower all she did was talk about herself, like she made herself the center of attention instead of me.

Did you ignore her, or did you keep paying attention to her? Things like this will only bother you if you ALLOW them to. Why didn't you ignore her, or change the subject, or walk away and talk to someone else?

Last night after we left, one of my bridesmaids told me how irritated she was with her because she is sick of her making everything about her. I told her I'm glad someone else noticed it because I didn't want to bring it up in case I was just being silly. She said no, it's been like this for a long time... and then she started telling me all the stuff my MOH has said about me recently.. She talked bad about me when we got engaged, she talked bad about the house my fiance bought 2 months ago (which he and I bought because it was perfect for us, not to impress anyone) and I stopped taking birth control a couple months ago because it caused me to have 3 seizures in 2 days and she was so mad about that because she was worried I was gonna get pregnant before her. I'm sorry but I am more worried about my health than who gets pregnant first, it is not hard to be responsible and be safe.
 

Did you hear all of this straight from her, or secondhand? You can't rely on secondhand information or gossip like this. Things can get twisted through the grapevine. If you hear something from MOH's mouth, by all means address it, but accusing someone of something that you heard through gossip is dangerous.

I just feel like she is making what is supposed to be the happiest time of my life horrible.. She is my MOH I'm supposed to be able to share all my details with her but now I don't even want to bring my wedding up when I am around her. I don't want to say anything to her because I don't want to cause drama. I just really needed to vent.

MOH is not required to listen to your wedding plans or be excited for you 24/7. It's clear that this girl is self-absorbed and only cares about herself. So I don't get why you expect her to suddenly change just because YOU are getting married.

I feel bad that she is treating you like this, but you're also ALLOWING this to happen. You're giving her information about your wedding and then getting upset when she criticizes all of those details. Solution: STOP SHARING DETAILS WITH HER. Especially very personal stuff like prices. You sound like a martyr here, because you keep feeding into her act and then you're wondering why she won't treat you better. She could be a lot nicer, yes, but you're not doing anything to prevent her from being rude.

Either stay friends but stop sharing info with her and stand up for yourself when she says something nasty to you ... or cut the friendship loose and avoid her entirely and stop the problem all together. But don't just do nothing and then pout that she ought to be nicer to you. 

mbcdefg

Again with the martyr complex. Sigh.

bablingbrooke

You want her to be something she's not going to be.  You need to let that go.  You have my sympathy for her behaviour, but you do not have my sympathy for refusing to do anything about it and instead whining that things aren't the way you wanted them.

I couldn't talk to my MOH about anything wedding-related.  My MOH was my sister who not only was completely uninterested in planning and made rude comments, she actually tried to ruin several pre-wedding events: played the BMs against each other when they planned the bach party, threw a tantrum right before the shower, acted like a brat through the whole rehearsal/RD.  Believe it or not, I don't feel like I missed out on anything.  If wedding issues came up, I talked about them with DH.  I bounced ideas off my mom.  My BMs went above and beyond.  I didn't sulk in the corner that my MOH was a brat.  I dealt with it.  Time for you to deal with it, too.

I'm not defending her behaviour by any means.  But the only thing you can control here is how you react.  You can choose to keep sharing things with her and keep getting rebuffed, or you can realize she's not going to be a source of support (if you even need that when planning a party) and talk to other people.  You have reached the point where the ball is in your court.  What are you going to do about it?

mbcdefg

So why delete the whole post, then? That just wastes all of our time.

bablingbrooke

For the record I don't understand why you're so upset with everyone here.  No one was mean to you.

bablingbrooke

You're being very rude to people who were helpful to you.  That I don't understand.  You're being short and snippy and telling us to stop posting.  It's uncalled for and frankly ungrateful.

CA2MT4EveR

Have you ever had a friend who was sooo excited about something that was all she ever talked about and it got really annoying? 

mbcdefg

It's bad etiquette on the Internet to just delete a post that people took the time to respond to. Especially when it comes across that it was deleted because the poster wasn't happy with the answers she got.

Belle2Be

Ugh deleters are so....sharty.